She was his one and done. He had known that to be a definitive statement the day she was shot by the sniper at Montgomery's funeral. There were feelings before that of course, but on that day, Castle realized he wouldn't be able to live without her in his world. She was his world. She was the morning to his night. She was the sun that desperately pierced the clouds on a depressingly dismal day, and he was the moon that had no light of its own, but could only reflect the sun's brilliance, warmth, and beauty. Before he met her, he was shallow, and not exactly self-centered, but he didn't help many people other than his family. At least, that's how he saw himself.
He hoped Kate never saw him that way. He hoped she only saw the man he was now, the one that loved her deeper than all the seas put together. Obviously she liked him and cared for him, but she still hadn't said those three little words that can turn perfect into perfection. Castle kept telling himself that she didn't need to verbally declare her love because all of the physical signs were there. Not just the physical physical, though that was mind-blowing, but the little things she did to let him know she cared; giving him a drawer at her apartment, simply being there for him when Alexis was taken, and the way he would find her looking at him as if he was not the reflection of her brilliance, but the source.
He watched Kate's eyes as they followed Gene Kelly who, at that moment, was waterlogged and dancing in the street, grinning like a man in love. They were lying together on the couch in his loft, him propped up on his right elbow behind her with his left arm draped around her stomach. His fingers underneath her shirt lightly caressed the skin around her belly button. The mood had been light all day, no cases interrupting their thoughts, nobody barging in on them. It was just a quiet night of watching classic films.
"Castle?" Her voice shook him from his thoughts.
"Hmm?"
"Stop looking at me and watch the movie."
He groaned. "Do I have to? I'd much rather watch you watch it. Besides, I've seen Singin' in the Rain about 300 times. And then some."
She shifted so they were facing each other on the oversize couch, her back to the screen. "Rick Castle, you are the strangest, most wonderful man I know. And to top it off, you have the best taste in movies." She smiled and lightly touched her lips to his. "That is why I l-" Kate froze, wide-eyed.
Castle held his breath, and when it didn't seem like she was going to continue, sighed and pulled her closer to him. "Kate, it's alright." He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head. He knew she had to say it when she was completely ready. "You don't have to say it."
"Rick, I- I- Damn it! Why is this so hard?"
"It's okay. Really." He leaned in to kiss her when she suddenly stood and started pacing back and forth in front of him.
"No, it isn't! In the interrogation room I can get anyone to crack. I can get people to share their deepest, darkest secrets. But now? I can't even get myself to say three words." Kate stopped pacing and looked Rick square in the eyes. "Castle, what's wrong with me?" She looked so lost, so wounded. All Castle wanted to do was make all the agony dissolve into nothingness. He stood and reached for her. She let him take her in his arms and softly rub his hands over her back and stroke her hair.
"Kate, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you." He kissed the top of her head as she settled into the crook between his neck and shoulder. "If you feel the same way about me as I do about you, I completely understand your loss for words. I'm a writer, and I still can't find the right words to accurately describe how much a part of me you are. How much I love you."
"Oh, Rick, I…"
Castle chuckled as she trailed off once more. "You know, this is actually kind of funny."
Kate pushed him away and hit his shoulder. "Maybe for you."
"Ow, hey! I was just kidding. Maybe we should interrogate you. Get you to share your deepest, darkest," he brought her close once more and leaned in to whisper her ear, "dirtiest secrets." He kissed her just below her ear and started making his way further down her neck when she suddenly pulled away again. Apparently, he was not on his game that night. Kate was staring at him with an insightful look. "Now what did I do?"
"That's it, Castle! You have to interrogate me."
He wasn't sure he heard her correctly. "Kate, that was just a joke. I don't want to force you to say anything, especially not this."
"No, Rick, it's what I want. You wouldn't be forcing me to say anything I didn't want to. I need you to do this for me."
"I don't even know what to do, where to begin!"
"Just start asking me questions, and when the time comes…" she shrugged her shoulders, "Ask me the right one."
Castle closed his eyes, shook his head, and giving in, asked, "Where were you on the night of May 7th, 2012 at 10:00 PM?"
She rolled her eyes at the typical interrogation line. "Rick, I'm being serious," she chided.
"So am I." Kate looked confused for a moment before her features softened. "Do you need me to repeat the date?"
"No," she whispered, "I remember that night perfectly."
"What happened that night?" Castle asked, imitating a detective.
She looked him in the eye and held her gaze. "You remember exactly what happened that night."
"Of course I do. Always." He desperately wanted to close the distance between them and repeat what they did on that fateful night, but he had to continue with the interrogation, simply because she had asked him to do this. "However, Ms. Beckett, I need your official statement of the events that occurred that night. In detail, please." He wiggled his eyebrows and Kate couldn't stop the giggle that seemed to burst straight from her heart.
"Well, Mr. Castle, earlier that day, I had a near death experience." Castle shuddered. He never liked to think of the times Beckett had nearly been killed. "In the short time I was clinging onto the ledge of a roof," she continued, "I only had one person on my mind: you. I wasn't thinking of Maddox, who had gotten away, I wasn't thinking of my dad. I wasn't even thinking of my mom. Only you."
Castle swallowed the lump in his throat. He just wanted this interrogation over with so he could comfort the woman he loved. "And then what happened."
"After Ryan pulled me back up to the roof, I quit my job because nothing mattered to me anymore except being with you. I just wanted you. Then, after some introspection on a swing, I came here, hoping you still wanted me after our regrettable fight." She closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his neck as he locked his around her waist, bringing them as close as they could get. "And, God, did you want me Castle," she whispered in his ear and flicked his earlobe with her tongue. "And you had me. Three times. And now you have me forever."
To hell with this interrogation, thought Castle. With her proximity, heat, and her voice that was becoming breathless, he was starting to get excited. "Kate," her name was a prayer on his lips, "I love you so much."
"Oh, Rick… I love you too." She said it with such ease that he didn't believe she had actually said the blessed words.
He pulled back slightly, only to find her smiling at him with joy and sincerity shining in her eyes, and he couldn't help but grin like Gene Kelly, like a man in the deepest, most absolute form of love.
"Rick Castle, I love you more than anything, and I can finally tell you."