2024
"Mommy, Mommy! Wake up!" It's today!"
That is how I am woken up this Saturday morning, to small hands poking at my back and blonde curls falling in my face. I'm not complaining though, this is my favorite way to wake up.
My little girl is bouncing off the walls from excitement. For three months now, Amelia has been working hard with her school's chorale to prepare for their concert tonight. She has spent countless hours locked away in her room practicing, and I have yet to hear any of it because her student teacher has told them not to give anything away.
It's hard to believe my little 10-year old, who cannot stop talking, has been able to keep this secret from.
I have heard a lot about this student teacher thought. He is apparently the smartest, kindest, most talented person my Amelia has ever seen. She insists he has the brightest blue eyes, but no one could ever come close to her beautiful blue eyes. I am curious to finally meet this student teacher though.
The concert does not start until 1:00, and afterwards one of the other parents is hosting an "after party" at their house. Amelia and I start our morning with her favorite breakfast, Belgian waffles, and then spend the rest of our time getting ready for the big show.
As the day progresses, Amelia becomes quieter and quieter. Amelia was a quiet baby, which is the only thing that got me through being a single mother at the young age of eighteen. Being a single mother was my choice. I could not let myself destroy her father's bright future; I loved him too much to do that. When I found out I was pregnant after graduation I packed my bags and moved to my Uncle Haymitch's house across the country. I never told the father I was leaving. I never told him that I was pregnant with his child. And worst of all, I never told him that I loved him.
I moved back to my hometown of Panem when Amelia was 7. I couldn't stay away from my family anymore, and I missed the familiarity of the small town. The move was difficult for both of us, but thankfully I had the support of my mother and sister, and Amelia was able to make friends at school.
I decide to finally question Amelia on her silence on the car ride to the school.
"What's wrong, baby?"
"Nothing." She huffs.
"You are never this quiet. Aren't you excited for the concert?"
"I guess."
"You guess?" I question. It is the only thing she has be able to talk about for weeks now.
"It's just, what if we are no good? Or I fall off the stage, or I forget the words, or people start booing?" She says in a panic.
"Baby, baby, shh. Calm down. You guys are going to be amazing. You all have been working so hard, and your teacher, Mr. Odair, has prepared the group so well. There is nothing to be worried about."
"I guess you are right Mommy. And I really love the song the student teacher has picked for us. It's so pretty."
"Your student teacher got to pick a song?" I inquire
"Yeah. Mr. Odair said that he was doing such a great job helping the class that he could pick a song for the concert."
"Well I'm excited to hear all of them, and I bet there will even be a standing ovation at the end."
"That would be so cool!" She exclaims.
The rest of the car ride is spent with Amelia, once again, bouncing of the walls. When we finally arrive at the school she is practically running towards the chorale room to go warm up with the rest of the group. I proceed to the auditorium and take my seat. The room is full of people and this show is shaping up to be an incredible event.
When the group walks on stage, the crowd erupts. Amelia's smile goes from cheek to cheek, and my heart soars looking at my little girl. The concert is amazing. The group is actually really good, considering that it consists of ten- and eleven-year olds. I did get a tad bit annoyed when about halfway through the show a man walks right in front of me and takes the seat to my left, but then my eyes lock back on Amelia, and any annoyance is no more.
The show begins to come to an end, and before I know it, there is only one song left. Mr. Odair turns to the audience to introduce the final song and acknowledge the group.
"I would just like to say, before we conclude tonight, how amazing it has been to work with this group of students. They have truly exceeded all expectations. As many of you know, we had a student teacher this year, and credit for this amazing concert must also go to him. This final song was selected by him, and I think it fitting to have him conduct it. Mr. Mellark, would you please come down?"
Did he just say Mellark? It couldn't be, could it? The man to my left, who walked in front of me earlier, rises and begins to walk towards the stage. There is no way it's the same person. It is just a coincidence. A long lost cousin of his, maybe? The man takes the baton from Mr. Odair, and begins to conduct the final song. Within the first few notes I am transported back to a much simpler time.
2014
How did I let Madge convince me to go to prom? It is the total embodiment of everything I hate: fancy clothes, makeup, pictures, and worst of all, interacting with people. Yet here I am, and not enjoying myself at all. Madge ditched me about a half hour ago to go dance with some of her more outgoing friends, so I'm standing in a corner by myself.
The only thing getting me through this evening is Peeta Mellark. Peeta has been the sole male in this school that has ever shown me kindness, or even talked to me, to be honest. He looks absolutely stunning tonight in his tux, and we have been stealing glances at each other all night.
I am just throwing out my empty plate when someone taps on my shoulder, and suddenly I am looking into the bluest eyes I'm certain I'll ever see.
"Hi, Katniss."
"Uh, hi Peeta."
"I wanted to ask you if you would like to dance with me."
I glance at the dance floor and it seems pretty crowded, so I say yes, hoping we can blend in with the crowd.
The previous songs have been fairly upbeat, so I'm thinking I can get away without any awkwardness, but as soon as we step onto the floor, the song changes to one with a slower tempo, and I am forced to slow dance with Peeta Mellark.
The song is one that has been popular lately, and is one that I actually like. It's called "Stay with Me" by Sam Smith. Peeta and I begin to sway to the music and there is something between us that makes this seem like no ordinary dance. Peeta looks really nervous and I must seem the same way.
"Katniss, I have wanted to talk to you for a while about this, and I don't know if it's the cliché magic of Prom, or that high school is coming to an end and everything seems so final, but now just seemed like as good a time as any. I love you, Katniss Everdeen. I have for a long time. And I know this is a lot for you, and I understand if you never want to see me again, but I had to tell you. I love you Katniss."
I start to tense up, and I think Peeta believes it is because I am rejecting him, breaking his heart. Unbeknownst to him, it is because I feel the same way, but I don't have a way with words like him. I can't just come out and say 'I love you,' no matter how much I want to. But I am better with action, so I do the one thing I can to express my emotion. I kiss him; kiss him with all the emotion I can muster.
We, for the lack of a better expression, make out for the rest of the song. Peeta then drags me from Prom to his car, and we go to a secluded park by his house. Subsequently, this is the night Amelia was made, and right before we pass out from exhaustion, I whisper "Stay with me Peeta," and in the tendrils of sleep I think I hear him say "always."
2024
All this flashes through my mind as the kids sing their own rendition of "Stay with Me." I am close to falling apart and will myself to stay whole. As the song comes to an end, the crowd gives the group a standing ovation, and as Peeta takes his bow, he locks his stare with mine and mouths the word 'always'.
This can't be happening right now. How did he know I was going to be here? Did Amelia tell him about me? He spent every day for three months with her; he must have seen himself reflected in her. He must know she is his.
I find the parent who is throwing the after party and ask her if she could take Amelia. She must see the panic in my face because she says yes without any question. I then go and find Amelia. I put on the best straight face I can muster and greet her with and a hug and flowers. She is so excited that she can't tell how distracted I am. I send her off with her ride and go to find Mr. Odair. I find him, alone, in his office.
"Uhm, Mr. Odair?"
"Yes?"
"I am Katniss Everdeen, Amelia's mother, and I just wanted to congratulate you on an amazing concert."
"Well hello, Ms. Everdeen. Please call me Finnick. While I humbly accept your compliment, we both know why you are here. Unfortunately, you just missed Peeta. Although I am sure he is around here somewhere."
I am utterly shocked. How did he know I was looking for Peeta?
"But…" I Stutter.
"Peeta is a very open person, so I learned a lot about him over these last few months. He, however, is not very perceptive. He suspects something with Amelia, but he is not sure what it is. You are going to have to tell him eventually. Now go. He wouldn't hide after picking that song."
I don't know how Finnick figured this all out. He seems only a couple years older than me, yet is so wise. I am glad he is Amelia's teacher.
"Thank you Finnick. The concert really was amazing." I say shyly.
He smiles and then I am on my way. I search the entire school looking for him, but can't find him anywhere. Maybe he didn't mean anything with that song. Could he really have left?
I walk back to my car, dejected and heartbroken. I still love Peeta; I never stopped. He is the father of my child. I only did what I did to protect him. It was all for him, and now he is really gone. For the first time since prom, I imagined a future with him; waking up next to him each morning, caring for Amelia together, and sharing the burdens of life with someone. But as quick as I got my hopes up, they are crushed even quicker.
The tears start to fall as I approach my car and I am having difficulty finding the right key. To add insult to injury, someone near me starts to play "Stay with Me" on their phone, and I lose it right there in the parking lot. I want to go back in time, stop 18-year old me from leaving, and tell Peeta everything.
In the middle of my sorrows, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn to see who this creep is and I find myself looking into those same blue eyes I saw 10 years ago.
"Katniss, could I have this dance?" He lifts up his hand to show that the song is coming from his phone.
Unlike shy and timid me from prom, I collapse into his arms a sobbing mess. He holds me long after the song ends, until I stop crying.
"Well that wasn't much of a dance." He jokes, and I have no choice but to laugh.
"You caught me at a bad time." Why did I just say that?
"I can come back later if you want."
"God no! It's been too long." And for the first time in 10 years, I really look at him, and I am not disappointed. He has definitely put on muscle but still has that boyish look on his face.
"It really has. Although I can't say why it has been so long." I guess we are jumping right into this.
"Peeta, I truly am sorry for everything that has happened. I left to protect you. I wanted to stay, I loved you, but I couldn't, I couldn't hurt you."
"How could you have hurt me? I loved you too. I would have done anything for you. We were together for two months and then you were gone; no text, no call, nothing. You were just gone. I went to your house and your family wouldn't tell me anything. Then 10 years later, I get assigned to a music class to find one of my students has the same last name of the girl I loved who broke my heart. What did I do to make you leave?"
"You loved me." I say matter-of-factly. "You loved me and I couldn't hurt you because of it. You wouldn't have been able to have a successful and happy life if I stayed."
"You don't get it. I didn't need to be successful, and I was only truly happy with you. What were you protecting me from?"
"Amelia." There, it is out.
"Amelia?"
"Think Peeta. She is ten-years old, blonde hair, blue eyes. She's yours. And I knew if you knew then you would drop everything to help and ruin your future, for us, and I couldn't let that happen."
For the first time, Peeta is speechless. I see a hundred different emotions dance across his face, and the one he lands on is unreadable to me. I fear that I have finally driven Peeta completely from my life.
"Amelia is my daughter?" I can only muster a nod.
He takes a step back and I fear the worst. Next thing I know, I am sharing my first kiss with Peeta Mellark in ten years. I don't know how it is possible, but I start crying again, and when I look into his eyes, I see that he is crying too.
"Amelia is mine?" He asks again as we break away.
"Through and through. It was painful sometimes to see so much of you there is in her when you were so far away." He starts laughing as I say this.
"What's so funny?" I ponder.
"When I realized Amelia was yours, I could see so much of you in her. She has your stubbornness, and passion for the people she loves. She may look a little like me, but her spirit is all you."
I don't know how to react to this, so I just hug him, and I never want to let go.
"You should have let me help for all these years." He states. "It must not have been easy. Where did you even end up going?"
"I was at my Uncle Haymitch's house until Amelia was three, and at that point I had enough money saved up to get a small apartment close to his house. Then, about three years ago, Amelia and I moved back here. I did want you with us. To be honest, I was almost paralyzed with fear for about three years. I still am. I never experienced such an intense love for someone the way I love Amelia. I would do anything for her, and if anything ever happened to her, I don't know what I would do. I couldn't live without her."
"You are a great mother Katniss."
"Hardly." I scoff.
"You are. I have gotten to know Amelia these past three months and she is a great girl. And from what I just heard from you, you really love her."
He actually gets me to blush. It's nice to hear such high praise about my little girl, and even if I had a little to do with that, its validation that I am at least an ok mother. I know Amelia has deserved more than I could give her, but I always did my best for her.
"She really is wonderful. It's a miracle she didn't end up a mini-me. How would the world handle two infamous Everdeen scowls?"
This gets him to laugh. "She is a mini-you." I scowl. "She inherited all your best qualities, and I know you will fight me on this, but there are so many. I mean, I don't love you for your scowl; I love everything about you, and there is so much of you in Amelia."
I am reflecting over what he just said, and it hits me, "You said love, present tense."
"That I did." He responds with a boyish grin.
"But, how? I was terrible to you all those years ago. I left, and took your daughter with me. How could you even want to be my friend, let alone love me?"
"You really don't get it Everdeen, do you? You know that unconditional love you feel for Amelia? How you would do absolutely anything for her, no matter what happens." I nod. "That is how I felt about you when we were ten and I helped you home after you hurt your ankle. That is how I felt when you kissed me at prom. That is how I feel now, when I see you for the first time in ten years and you tell me that I have a daughter. That is how I will feel in 50 years when we are both old and wrinkly. You asked me that night at prom to stay with you, and I meant it when I said always. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. You aren't getting rid of me, Katniss. You're it for me."
This is it. This is the moment I have to find the courage I lacked 10 years ago.
"Peeta, I should have told you this ten years ago, but I couldn't summon the courage. You were the only person, besides Madge, to ever show me kindness in school. Everyone would look down on me because of my situation, but you would always talk to me like a person. I had so many dark days where the only ray of light was you saying 'hi' to me in the hallway. I only went to prom that night because I knew you would be there. And then you said all those beautiful things to me on the dance floor. It was in that moment when I knew. I loved you then, and I love you now. Peeta, I love you."
It is me who initiates this kiss, and it is unlike any other we have shared. It is filled with pure love. I don't know how long we embrace after that, but when we break away, I can see my own emotions mirrored in Peeta's face.
"Peeta, stay with me?"
"Always."
