The Journey Home

Seventeen year-old Lucy looked out the window of her London bedroom. It was about nine o'clock in the evening, and though the sun had already tucked itself neatly under the horizon line, the sky remained a cool, baby blue. It was that unnamed, in between space that occurs after the sun sets, but before the sky goes completely black.

She had been thinking about Narnia again. Ever since that unknown man had appeared at Professor Kirke's dining table not very long ago, she knew something was happening there, something very terrible. She was very aware that Aslan always knew what He was doing, but not sending her back when Narnia seemed to need her most… unless He knew she would be of no use there… a thought which had lowered her self confidence tremendously over the past couple of days. Either way, she only wanted to help her people, and she found not being able to to be quite torturous.

Lucy turned from the window. Her room had recently become a very quiet, peaceful place. Susan had not so long ago moved in with a boyfriend, much to the rest of the family's disapproval. Lucy didn't quite see what the big deal was; Susan was an adult now, why should it matter whether she was married to this boy? It wasn't as if she were hurting anyone. Still, her parents and Peter never hesitated to tell Susan that her behavior was "un-ladylike", that common-law relationships were not respectable.

Lucy had observed that whenever these conversations came up, Edmund was the only one, save her, who remained quiet. It took her quite a bit of courage to ask him what he thought, and when she finally did, he exhaled deeply and simply said that they, "just didn't want Su to be taken advantage of".

Lucy understood, but thought to herself, "What if Susan is the one taking advantage?"

After Susan had left, Lucy had gained her own bedroom, which in a way was both nice, and a bit lonely. The silence of the dark at night scared her a little, but also kind of reminded her of her room in Narnia. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine that she was there, which sometimes made her all the more lonely.

She talked to Aslan in her head sometimes, and sometimes she swore she could hear Him talking back. But it wasn't the same as before, it didn't feel as real. It felt as though she might just be talking to herself in the back of her head, fooling herself into thinking she was getting a response. She knew Aslan existed and was there, but sometimes could not help but wonder if He had been the one to forget her.

Lucy was particularly lonely tonight. She missed her sister, and had found herself staring out the window after a particularly short telephone conversation with her. It wasn't the same as their late night talks they had had with each other from their beds. The conversation had been small talk, and while Susan was a pro at talking small, Lucy had always favoured talking big.

Susan had changed. She had always been good at small talk and polite conversation, but she also used to be able to spend hours having deep conversations with Lucy. Now, not so much was passed between the two of them.

The big empty bedroom was starting to make Lucy feel almost mournful toward Susan, so she quickly left and knocked on her brother's door across the hall.

"C'min" she heard Edmund's sleepy mumble, his throat cracking from lack of use.

Ed was at his desk, pouring over his university books. His dark hair was a mess. He had dark circles under his eyes, making his brown irises appear almost black. His smile at Lucy's appearance, however, brightened his whole face. "Thank God," he said, "I thought you were Pete."

Peter had changed too. He was much more stern now. He worked long hours at strange times, which sometimes made him quite unpleasant. That, mixed with his genuine overprotectiveness of his siblings sometimes made him unbearable.

"Is he at work?"

The sky had quickly faded to black, and Lucy could only see Edmund's features from the dim glow of his desk lamp as he nodded.

"Yeah, he works late tonight. I've just lost track of the time, been studying all night".

Lucy nodded in response, secretly glad Peter was absent. She loved him to bits, but right now she needed to be sad and to mope, and Peter had become a lot less patient with her after he started working. Lucy understood, but she also knew that Edmund worked almost as hard on his schoolwork as Peter did at his job, and as a result got a lot less sleep than Peter. Even so, her Just brother never faltered in being ever gentle with her.

Lucy noticed that Peter had made his bed, whereas Edmund had not, so she climbed into Ed's and wrapped herself in the duvet. Edmund had turned back to his schoolwork, and Lucy felt content just to lie there and listen to him turn pages and to know that he was there and that he cared about her and that he had not forgotten. In fact, she was calmed down and almost asleep when she heard him get up, sit at the edge of the bed, and ask her what was wrong.

"It's nothing," she replied, "I just didn't want to be alone".

She could almost hear her brother's frown, even though her head was under his blanket.

"Pray tell, fair sister, why hast thou seeketh out my company?"

Edmund was rubbing circles on the back of the covered lump that was Lucy. He knew speaking in Narnian tounges always soothed her. She never expected them, and perhaps forgot they existed until she would get upset and he would speak softly to her in that wonderful poetic form of English. It would trigger a memory within her, and she would reply without missing a beat.

"I hope not to offend thee, my dear Edmund, as I hold you in the highest regard, but I feel as though I do not have another soul upon which to turn! Dearest Susan has left us, and even so does not believe the stories we recall of our kingdom. Peter is often much too tired to be as patient in tending to me as thou. And my bedroom, Edmund! She makes me sad". Lucy finished and heaved a loud sigh, which made Edmund smile.

"You do not offend me in the slightest, my queen" he assured her. He pulled the duvet off of her head and began to stroke her hair.

They sat like that for a while, and Lucy was just happy to have someone who understood what she felt in regards to her worries about Narnia and her longing for Susan to return. It wasn't long before they heard a knock on the door, and before Edmund could answer, Peter made his way in.

"Lu? What's wrong?" he asked upon seeing her. Lucy knew his concern was genuine, but could tell by his voice that he thought of her being upset as just something more he had to deal with before bed. Before Lucy could answer him, however, Edmund spoke.

"Our sister wanted some company, is all. I'd also like to point out that my bed was neatly made today, however I gallantly sacrificed its aesthetics for my sister's comfort".

He winked at Lucy and she giggled. Peter rolled his eyes, and actually smirked for a second, but it had gone as quickly as it had come. He then asked Lucy to leave, as he needed to get right to sleep in order to get to work early the next morning.

She went back to her bedroom alone.

At one o'clock that morning, Edmund decided he was finally finished studying for the night. Peter was snoring in the bed behind him. As quietly as he could, he clicked off his desk lamp and made his way to Lucy's bedroom.

He knocked –loud enough for her to hear if she was awake, but soft enough as to not disturb her sleep. There was no answer, so he crept in, ever so quietly.

She was asleep, no doubt about that. He could hear her slow quiet breathing, but she was also muttering. Something about Su, then about Narnia, then about war strategies…

She'd always wanted to help. He could remember her wanting to fight in battles oh so long ago. He, unlike Peter and Susan, didn't care that she was a girl, so long that she could hold her own.

But she couldn't. Swords and armor, unfortunately, were made for men. They were too heavy for her, especially –paradoxically- as she got bigger. The armor and the sword grew with her, but she lacked the upper body strength that came to him naturally; that miniscule amount that he had used as a foundation to build onto.

He'd felt bad for her, being unable to help. She was a queen just as much as he was a king, these were her people too. She wanted to protect them just as much as he did. She wanted to protect him just as much as he wanted to protect her.

So he helped her. He got her involved in creating strategies for battle. She helped to heal the injured. She helped to train knights and warriors. Lu was the brains of the operation, he and Peter just followed her careful planning. She did as much, even more, for Narnia than either of them.

Now, she couldn't help, and he could tell it bothered her. She had lost her sister, and her brother was teetering on the edge. He had his schoolwork to distract him, but she had nothing.

He sat on the edge of her bed and stroked her hair again.

"Sleep softly, my Valiant sister," He whispered, careful not to wake her, "Do not worry, for your brothers are safe at home, far from battle. Your sister is safe as well, and is off courting a gallant ("God," he thought, "I hope so") gentleman. You are safe too, Lucy love, for your brothers, both knights of Narnia, are here to defend you from any and all dangers of this world and the next. Please, I bequeath you, dream sweeter dreams".

She did not stop mumbling, but she definitely slowed. He kissed her temple, sighed, and climbed into Susan's empty bed. It smelled of her, and he was angry. Angry at Su for forgetting, and then for running away. Angry at that bloke for not marrying his sister. He didn't understand it. He'd be lucky to find another girl half as good as Susan, unless he found Lucy, in which case, Edmund thought, he'd be dead… Susan was clearly his best option.

Edmund inhaled Susan's duvet again, and hoped she was okay. He thought momentarily about driving to their apartment, checking in to make sure everything was okay, that he was treating her right. But then, he thought, he'd have to leave Lucy. Besides, Peter would have done it already, multiple times. She'd be home right now, and her boyfriend would have a bloody lip if Pete's standards weren't met, he thought. There was no use worrying.

He heard Lucy sniff and pull her blankets tighter around herself. She had stopped mumbling completely, as though eased by his presence alone. Closing his eyes, he let sleep wash over him. He dreamed he was fighting in battle alongside Eustace and Peter, driven, as always, by the thought of Lucy and Susan, waiting at the Cair for him to return.