Bon Voyage
Y'know, sometimes I amaze myself with the sticky situations I get into. Take today for example. You'd think bein' on a cruise would be a pretty relaxing experience, but my trip had been anything but. Work never seems to stop for me. See, being a troubleshooter for the Phoenix Foundation is a pretty exciting job, especially when the trouble starts to shoot back, as was the case now. The people shooting at me were obviously not happy, especially since I'd just made off with some sensitive evidence that would land them and their entire smuggling business in prison once I got back on solid ground…that is if I made it there all in one piece.
My assignment was to get on board the ship in Mexico as a tourist, do a little snooping during the trip, then get off in the good ol' US of A with the evidence in my possession and nobody the wiser. Seems like a pretty simple plan, right? Well, it was until now. Stage one and two had been very successful and now it was gettin' tricky.
The ship was coming in to port real soon and the plan had been to get off and meet Pete and the troop of police he'd hopefully have with him, hand over the evidence and get these guys out of the way for good. But things weren't turning out that simple. I'd been spotted by the bad guys and now found myself running for my life and lookin' desperately for a Plan B. There were plenty of people around too and I had to do something fast to keep myself and anybody else from gettin' hurt. The large crowd gettin' ready to get off the ship also made it hard to navigate while running at top speed. I'd already knocked down several bystanders before I rounded a corner, smacked right into somebody and we both went down. I only caught a quick glance at the other guy, a middle aged and clean cut man in a Hawaiian shirt and Bermuda shorts.
"Sorry!" I gasped as I scrambled to my feet and helped him up.
The angry voices of the mob chasing me were close….too close. I turned back to look over my shoulder and sure enough, there they were, five or six of'em, almost on top of me.
"Yikes! Gotta go!" I turned and pushed past the man and the other people around me and bolted. It was looking more and more like I was gonna have to jump ship…literally. The thought wasn't a pleasant one, but it was better than bein' shot. I skidded to a stop by the railing on the side. This was the lowest deck so there was nothing between me and the way down to the water. It was now or never. I gulped….took a step up on the railing and….
"Geez, I hate heights…" I muttered as I tried to force my legs to do somethin' my brain knew was absolutely crazy.
"Hey! He's gonna jump! Get 'im!" My pursuers had arrived. One of them grabbed my shirt collar and yanked me backward so I landed flat on my back. There was a shocked gasp from the crowd.
"Man, it's a good thing you guys got here when ya did," I said sarcastically looking up at the ring of men surrounding me.
"Uh….everything's fine here. Don't worry, we have it under control," the leader of the gang, a thug named Harry, who just happened to be disguised as one of the ship's security guys (sunglasses included) shouted to the growing throng of curious people.
"Yeah right," I muttered under my breath. One of them reached down and hauled me to my feet.
"You've got some things of ours we'd really like back," growled Harry. He pulled out his gun and shoved it into my chest. Hoo boy…here we go with the shooting thing…
"What, these?" I pulled out the plastic bag containing the eleven incriminating photos (complete with a list of names and labels of every criminal involved in the entire outfit) and held it up. "Maybe I'll give'em to ya if you ask nicely."
Harry lunged for the bag. I jerked it out of reach and dangled it over the edge of the ship. "Watch it! Not so fast! You didn't ask." One of the other guys reached out to grab it back. I slapped his hand away. "Whoa, whoa! What part of 'ask nicely' don't you guys understand?"
"Hand'em over!" yelled Harry.
"Or what? You shoot me, I drop these, they go floating out to sea and who knows who'll find'em then…not to mention the nice little mess that'll have to be cleaned up if a security guard fills an innocent passenger full of holes in front of all these witnesses. Probably not your best option."
"Or," said Harry, "You can give us the photos now, and we can shoot you later."
Honestly, I think the guy just wanted an excuse to shoot somethin'. Besides, I couldn't believe he thought I was actually that stupid.
"Or….I can do this." I reached up with my other hand and poked the lenses through the frames of his sunglasses, causing him to drop the gun while I dropped the bag of photos over board at the same time. I thought he was mad before, but that was nothin' compared to his mood now. Before any of the other men could react, he took a swing at my head. Luckily, that's what I'd been countin' on so I ducked just in time for the punch to come in contact with the guy standing behind me. He fell over taking a couple others down with him.
Now everybody was angry. Sure enough, I'd started an all out brawl. Now we were gettin' somewhere! I snatched the gun and threw it overboard too, turning back around just in time to come face-to-face with my ticket outta this party. Somebody else had taken a real badly aimed punch to the face and they hit me on their way to the ground. The force of his body slammin' into mine was enough to make me lose my balance, send me backwards over the railing, and down thirty feet to a brilliant, yet completely unplanned escape. I hit the water not really daring to believe my luck. I have to admit, my ungraceful exit had surprised even me. I surfaced, caught the bag of photos as they floated past, and looked up to where I'd been just five seconds ago. There was Harry glarin' down at me.
"MacGyver you…you…" I was glad he was too angry to finish that sentence. Then, a disheveled-looking henchman appeared and aimed another gun down at me. "Don't shoot now, you idiot! There's too many people around!" Harry knocked the gun out of the other guy's hands.
"That's the best advice I've heard all day," I shouted back up to them. "Thanks for the lift outta here. Couldn't have done it without ya! And Harry, next time you get sunglasses, make sure they're not the real cheap kind. But, I'm not sure you'll need sunglasses in prison." I dodged as the lensless sunglasses went hurtling by, narrowly missing my head. I saluted smartly, and started to swim off, ignoring Harry's furious shouts and threats. I wasn't very worried about them anymore. I had the evidence to put these guys away for a long time, but this wasn't over yet. I had a ways to go before I could call everything safe and sound. I had t'get to Pete.
xxxx
After what seemed like hours of swimming, my legs and arms finally burned out and I found myself clinging to a buoy a just few miles from the dock where I was supposed to be, and shivering as night and an unwelcome thunderstorm fell over the harbor. I guess since fate'd seen fit to get me off the ship, it figured it could take a little turn and send in the storm just to even things out….as if I weren't wet enough already. The good news? Well, I was still alive. The bad news? Pete had no way of knowing what happened to me. Thankfully, Pete isn't the type of guy to just sit around and do nothin' if one of his best friends is missing.
So there I was hangin' on to that buoy for dear life as I was being whipped around at the mercy of the storm with only my Swiss Army Knife and some incriminating photos for company. I needed to signal somebody for a lift to the dock but it was pretty dark out and there weren't very many other boats around now. And another problem: I hadn't counted on takin' a swim so all the flares and matches in my bag were completely soaked. Fortunately, I found a package of three glow sticks…perfect! Luck had decided to be a lady again. They weren't much and who knew if anybody would even see'em through the storm, but they'd have to do.
You can learn a lot of useful things as a kid if you pay attention to adults every once in a while. For example, on one camping trip, I learned that the universal signal for help is the number three. Say you were lost in the woods, its dark and you're alone, nobody else around for a good distance. First off, you shouldn't go wanderin' off anymore than you already have, but then you could use your flashlight as a type of signal. Turn it off and on three times in a row every few minutes and bingo: your own personal SOS for anybody who might be lookin' for ya. A more effective way is t'build three fires. That's three times as warm if you happen to find yourself spending the night in the wilderness and three big columns of smoke that can be seen from pretty far away until it gets too dark.
As I was saying, the glow sticks needed to be up in the air where they could be seen which meant I would have to get them on top of the buoy. I found some rope in my bag so I started off by tying myself to the buoy so I wouldn't get swept away and I could have my hands free to work. Then I found some fishing line and a small horseshoe magnet. I cut a long strand of the fishing line and tied the magnet to the end to give it some weight against the wind. I cracked the glow sticks and tied them on next, a little farther down and evenly spaced apart. Now this was the tricky part. I threw the whole line back behind me, and then swung it all up at the top of the buoy hoping the wind would do its job. It did and the weight of the magnet plus the force of the wind were enough to wrap the fishing line around the top a couple times. The magnet stuck to the metal securing it in place and the glow sticks were up in the air where they could be seen. I tied the other end of the line to a screw stickin' out close to the bottom. Wa-la! SOS-quick-fix-a la MacGyver! Now all I had to do was hang on and pray that somebody would find me before I either drowned or blew away.
I waited…and waited…and waited…and waited and waited and waited…I'm not exactly sure how long it was, but I was gettin' real tired of being bashed around by the waves and sheets of rain. I was also a little anxious about the thought of gettin' hit by lightning since I was attached to the tallest thing in the area which happened to be made of metal…
Just when I was wondering if it would be worth it to risk my neck, cut myself loose and try to battle my way to shore, I heard the faint sound of a motor cutting through the storm…somebody was coming! Maybe it was Pete, maybe the Coastguard….heck, I would've been happy if it was Murdoc—actually, I take that back. He'd stop to watch me get hit by lightning…then he'd laugh his maniacal head off and wish he could rewind it and watch it over and over again…uh…but I digress.
The lights from the boat were comin' my direction. Any second now, they'd see my small, and kinda pitiful signal and pick me up. I started to yell and wave my arms around even though it was pretty useless since the wind carried my voice away as soon as it left my mouth. I cut the rope holding me to the buoy and got ready to catch my ride outta this mess. The boat was comin' up close now in my direction. I heard somebody shouting my name…none other than the big man himself. I'd know Pete's voice anywhere. What a relief!
"MACGYVER! MACGYVER, IS THAT YOU?" I could see him now. And he wasn't alone. Bless his heart, he'd brought the Coastguard along too. Today was just gettin' better and better.
"PETE! OVER HERE!" I answered back. The boat pulled up and somebody threw out a rope. I didn't hesitate to seize it and Pete and a couple other guys pulled me up to the side. I tumbled over the edge, rolled to my back and looked up into Pete's face, which had his familiar I'm-worried-sick-about-MacGyver look written all over it. He immediately began pelting me with questions as the boat started headin' back.
"What happened? Where were you? We've been looking for you for over two hours! Did you get the photos? When you didn't get off the ship at the dock we knew something had gone—"
"Hiya Pete. Nice t'see you too. I'm fine, thanks for asking." I coughed a couple times and smiled up at him, holding out the dripping bag of photos. He took it, stood there for a second with his mouth open, then finally broke into a relieved laugh.
xxxx
"So how did you get off the ship and end up on that buoy?" Pete asked as he drove me home for the night. I'd been telling him about my eventful trip.
"Uh…well, I fell off." I answered truthfully. Pete looked somewhat surprised.
"You…fell off?"
"Yeah, but I can't take all the credit. I had some help from Harry and the gang." I couldn't help smiling. I knew what he was thinking.
"Well, knowing you, I guess I expected something a little more elaborate," Pete said.
"It's a good thing I did fall off, too, 'cause I'd be resting in peace at the bottom of the harbor right now. And speakin' of 'rest', I'm overdue for some vacation time…about a month overdue in fact...hint, hint."
