For whosoever finds this note,
I have reached my judgement day if you're reading this. But don't worry, I will enjoy the flames of Hell. For my love will surely go to Heaven. It would be torturing to be in the same place as he. For months I have suffered, but now I shall sing in the fires of Hell itself.
My suffering had started by Valentine's Day. I expected a gift from him. I was absolutely sure that he knew that I liked him. So I stood by the mailbox like an idiot. Hours passed, no sight of the mailman. I could feel my heart sink, but I stayed. By midnight, I walked inside my house, feeling a part of myself break away. I always made excuses for these events.
Almost everyday, he'd give me a smirk. I'd always smile back at him, always frowning underneath. Truthfully, I was a nervous wreck. Whenever he looked at me, shivers would echo through out my body. I wasn't sure how to respond, then again I didn't want him to know I was totally under his spell. So I did what other people would do, I acted like everything was normal. Day by day, I felt morals changing. I did things that I would had never done in the past. I ignored these tell-tale signs, hoping that I could end this pain.
It was his birthday. Everyone were enjoying themselves, except me. I tried to mask it which probably fooled many. He didn't pay much attention to me. He'd only glance at me time to time then continued speaking to his friends. The fact that I didn't have enough money to buy him a present and was having a mental war made me vulnerable. So, like the buffoon I am, I launched a hug at him. Which was met by a smack in the face. Well, to be specific, his palm shoved into by face, stopping me in my tracks.
Although it did leave a slight sting, it affected me significantly. After complete embarrassment my mind revisited the past multiple times. Again and again I winced at the memories. Him deserting me, thinking that I'm useless baggage and probably hated me.
To occupy myself, I'd swing my hammer at tree barks. But did they stop? No, they continued to haunt me. It was as if parts of myself were stuck at certain time periods. That they were trying to fix them but only cried in agony. Thoughts flooded my mind to the point that I valued having a clear mind. I was fixed onto moving on, which was proving to be impossible.
Again and again, I would resort to daydreaming. But somehow thoughts of him would slip into my mind. Everywhere I went, I was weary of meeting him. Dreams would be mainly of him. I would have sleepless nights. My hair started to crumble. Weight was lost. Sanity slipping away.
I couldn't live like this anymore.
-Amy Rose
