To You I Bestow by Mallory


"It's over." The words pound my brain. I keep hearing them, and it's been weeks since she said them. It's over; it's over; it's over. Why? I want to scream. Why the fuck is it over? But I know why. It's my fault; or maybe it's hers; but something went wrong. She wanted him and he wanted her. And I couldn't stand it and so I took him.

I am a fucking idiot.

Well you may not see me when you come by

I could be sharing someone else's pillow

And my love for you is better than diamonds

To you everything I bestow

And tomorrow I'll be dancing on my own

And I'll need a kiss for my head that's aching

And I'll be a hungry dog without a bone

Hoping my place with you's not taken

But now, Goddess, all I want is her back. I keep pretending that it doesn't matter, that I don't care, but it's only to cover up the pain. Because it hurts. It hurts so so much. Sometimes I don't think I can go on living. And even when I'm fine, when I don't hurt so much, there's still a hole inside me. The hole that was Raven.

Kiss me and tell me it's not broken

Kiss me and kiss me till I'm dead

See I'll give you the stars, from the bruised evenin' sky

And a crown of jewels for your head now

For your head now

And for your head now, and for your head

When we first met...Oh, Goddess she was so beautiful. When I looked at her, I wanted to melt. We spent a lot of time together. She came over to my house and we'd lie on my bed and talk. And one day, when she was lying on my bed, I kissed her. She looked at me in surprise, and then wrapped her arms around me and brought me closer to her.

One last night in bed for a time

Two more wishes and both are for thine

And three guesses you're the angel's child

Four hopes that this love's not spoiled

Why won't you come back to me?

Kiss me and tell me it's not broken

Kiss me and kiss me till I'm dead

See I give you the stars, from the bruised evenin' sky

And a crown of jewels for your head now

For your head now

And for your head now, for your head now

I want her to come back to me. I want to tell her I'm sorry. I want her to touch me again; I want to kiss her. I want to talk to her again. I want to not hurt anymore. I want everything. I want what I can't have.

And if you come back I'll take you to the garden

We'll dance to an orchestra on the lawn

And we roll in the foggy dew

And dance with the ghosts upon the dawn and on the dawn and on the dawn

Then you'll kiss me and tell me it's not broken

Kiss me and kiss me till I'm dead

See I give you the stars, from the bruised evenin' sky

And a crown of jewels for your head now

For your head now

And for your head now, for your head now

For your head now

And now I'm on my way back to Widow's Vale. To what? For what?

I will whisper in her ear: Raven, I'm sorry.