Disclaimer: I do not own nor did I create Narnia or anything related to it. This fanfic is my own work, though. :)
A Day in the Life of a Narnian Mary Sue
While in the midst of painting her nails a bright hot pinkish-like color, Maryellen Susannah heard her cell phone ring. Surprised, Maryellen Susannah smudged her bright hot pinkish-like color all over her thumb.
She let out a frustrated "Ugh!111 Lyke, teh I hayt ths!111"
All that pent-up frustration vanished when she realized her caller was none other than…
"LYKE, TEH OMG!11 ITZ LYKE MY BESTIST BFF EVA!111"
Forgetting that her bright hot pinkish-like color nail polish was not quite yet finished drying, she flipped open her metallic pink cellular telephone, not caring about the three nails that she broke.
"Lyke, teh hi!1"
"Lyke, OMG, ur lyke nawt gunna buleev ths!1"
"Lyke, teh OMG! Lyke, teh wut happnd?/"
"My bf lyke broke up wit mee!1 Lyke, teh OMG I cnt buleev him!1"
"Lyke, teh OMG! Tht lyke jurk-fayce!11"
"IKR!111"
"Lyke teh y?/ Ur lyke, teh secnd mst prettiest bestist all arnd most amaysin persin, lyke EVA!1 Beesides me, ov corse!1"
"OMG!1 Lyke, rlli?//"
"Lyke teh DUH! So, lyke tell me, lyke y wuld he lyke do tht 2 u?/"
"Becuz he tinkz Im lyke teh uhnoyin."
And the two BFFs squealed on and on about how boys were "lyke teh dumest ppl lyke eva!1". And Maryellen Susannah proposed that she and her BFF both kick her ex-boyfriend's butt, to keep the language clean for the little ones.
"So, lyke lets lyke meat at hiz hous at lyke midnite" suggested Maryellen Susannah.
"Lyke, teh I cnt w8!1"
Then Maryellen Susannah glanced downward to examine her asymmetrically painted bright hot pinkish-like color nails, analyzed the three broken ones, and after about thirty minutes she realized that her nails were "lyke teh mest up!1". With a loud sob followed by an unidentifiable noise that I will simply describe as the sound only a banshee singing amateur karaoke could accomplish, Maryellen Susannah had a meltdown ("Lyke, teh gasp!1").
After regaining her "lyke, teh kewlness" Maryellen Susannah quickly yet gracefully grasped her nail polish remover and a bag of cotton balls, sat down on her plush pink rug which remained untouched after the bright hot pinkish-like color nail polish fiasco.
She looked wistfully at the bottle of bright hot pinkish-like color nail polish, and discovered that she had wasted half an ounce of nuclear-bright nail polish and three acrylic nails. Once more, she sobbed and made that horrible banshee-singing-amateur-karaoke sound again.
"Lyke, teh, teh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1"
And Maryellen Susannah buried her head in her bright hot pinkish-like colored hands, only to look up again into her dressing-room like mirror to see that her unfathomable amount of eye makeup was smudged. Eyeliner, mascara, concealer (as though she needed it), eyeshadow, and everything else streamed down her cheeks, only making matters worse for Maryellen Susannah.
At midnight, however, Maryellen Susannah looked flawless as usual, without the slightest trace of the preceding bright hot pinkish-like color nail polish and broken acrylic nail dilemma. In her impossibly high "staiek owt Stiletoez", her long blonde waterfall of hair pulled neatly into a perfect ponytail, and her eye makeup flawlessly re-created, she looked… well… as flawless as usual.
Her slightly less perfect "bestist BFF eva!1" looked plain in comparison, in spite of the fact that her looks were almost exactly that of Maryellen Susannah. However, since Maryellen Susannah is the more perfect one of the two, and not to mention, the main character, Maryellen Susannah's "bestist BFF eva" clearly does not deserve a name.
Anyway, they both crouched as best as they possibly could with their sky-high heels and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Until Maryellen Susannah grew impatient, hastily took off one of her "staiek owt Stiletoes" and threw it at her "bestist BFF eva's" ex-boyfriend's window, smashing it into a million shards with a force that could never be measured by Newtons alone, and could not be exerted by a Mary Sue. The security alarm sounded, and Maryellen Susannah ran as fast as she could, looking rather comical wearing one ridiculously high Stiletto and no shoe at all on the other. She ran a total of three feet before being tapped on the shoulder by something cold and metallic.
