Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider. If I did, Sabina would have had her fingers cut off and would have bled to death. Or be impaled by a pineapple.


Alex Rider and his best friend Tom (1) were walking home form when a voice suddenly called out behind them,

"Alex, like, wait up!" the voice said.

Alex and Tom turned in the direction said voice was coming from. "Sabina?" Alex said.

The name was said as a question for Alex wasn't really sure this girl was Sabina. She had short, bleached blonde hair, was wearing bright pink shorts (even though it was only the beginning of Spring and England still felt some of winters chill), and a light orange V-neck.

"Like, of course it's me, silly!" Sabina said when she reached them.

Alex and Tom exchanged a confused look.

"Sabina," Tom started slowly, as if talking to someone who was a bit slow, "Why do you keep saying like?"

"Duh," Sabina said as if she was talking to someone a bit slow, "I, like, moved to California."

Alex and Tom shared another confused look.

"You do realize that not everyone in California talks like that? I mean you have been living there for a while now." Alex explained. (2)

"Like-

Sabina was cut off by a strong Russian accented voice (3) "Enough of this silly conversation!"

Again Alex and Tom turned to a new voice, and Alex nearly fell over from shock. For there before him stood Yassen Gregorovich, a man he knew to be dead.

"You!" Yassen yelled, ignoring Alex and Tom and pointing at Sabina, "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!" (4)

"Um, Yassen, you do realize you're not French, and Sabina's parents are alive, right?

"Actually they're dead, we killed them 10 minutes ago." Yet another new voice said.

Alex whipped around this time, faster than Tom, and his mouth dropped open. There stood K-Unit, Ben was even there. Wolf was the one who had spoken, looking as tough and annoyed as usual.

"Hey Cub!" Eagle said, breaking the silence that had followed Wolfs previous statement.

"Um… Why did you kill Sabina's parents?" Tom asked.

"Well," Ben, or Fox as he had been called in the SAS, started, "the government couldn't let anyone who had produced that," he gestured in Sabina's general direction, "keep living. What if they had produced another?"

Another silence overtook the group until 5 minutes later Sabina said, "So my parents are dead?"

Everyone stared at her.

"That's it!" Yassen yelled, "I can't take this stupidity anymore!" Yassen pulled out a gun, and a BANG! later Sabina was slumped on the ground, dead.

Alex and Tom just stared at Sabina's body for a moment until Snake said "So, who wants to get tea?"

Several shouts of agreement later, the group that was now made up of only males headed to Alex's house for some tea to celebrate not ever having to deal with the annoying presence of Sabina Pleasure again.

The End

I couldn't remember Toms last name, and I don't feel like looking it up (what do you expect, it's 2 in the morning)

I don't know how the people of California talk, considering I've never been there, but I'm betting they don't all talk, like valley girls and surfer dudes.

Russian-ly accented voice?

I think is was elderberries, I'm to lazy to look it up though, so elderberries stays

This story doesn't make much sense, but that is the point of a Crack!fic. I know it's

short too, but I just really wanted there to be a story for those of us who hate Sabina. Though that might just be me for I have not been able to find any other Sabina bashing story's on this lovely sight. Now, because of this I have also realized I will probably get quite a few flames but I don't care. The pyro in me wants the flames. I relish in them! So flame away, for I do not care!! MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!