Hello! Random oneshot please enjoy!
Pai sighed as he walked down the hallway of the alien ship with a tray of food in hand. He knew what he was attempting was a lost cause, but he still felt it was his duty anyway.
Tentively, he raised his hand and knocked on the door he had stopped in front of a few moments ago, "Kisshu? Are you awake?"
Pai did not expect an answer, nor did he wait for one before he entered Kisshu's room. The room was in a state of total chaos. Though, the sight was familiar to Pai. The room had looked like this ever since they left Earth.
The reason Pai left the room the way it was, was because it reminded him just why he got up every day to help his pitiful friend. It reminded him of the times when Kisshu had emotions; back when he loved and hated; laughed and cried. But, now, it seemed like Kisshu was an entirely different person than the one he had known and grown to love as his own brother. This Kisshu, only sat in bed staring blankly at the ceiling looking eerily like a corpse. Sometimes, Pai had to wonder if Kisshu really was dead.
So, Pai reasoned, he had to try with all of his might to bring back the old Kisshu, "Kisshu? Are you hungry yet? I made you steak, your favorite."
Kisshu, who was lying on the bed in the same exact spot he had been in the two months, four days, seven minutes, and thirty-four seconds, didn't even make a move to acknowledge Pai's presence. He was too caught up in his own thoughts, fighting desperately with the natural tendency to forget that which has harmed you to keep all of his memories of her.
Though, he fought with every fiber of his being to keep the image of her angelic face and the glorious feeling of his lips on hers in his memory never to be forgotten, her name was a taboo in his mind. Just thinking the sacred name sent daggers of emotion spiraling at his heart and sent an unbearable sensation of pain that felt like flames traveling through his body at an alarming speed.
Before Ichigo, life was like purgatory. Somewhat normal, and by no means extraordinary or horrible, just in between. A mediocre life. But then, in his melancholy, an angel decked in bright pink attire with adorable cat tail and ears dropped into his life. And, for a while, he could lie to himself; make himself believe that she was only his toy, nothing more. But, he supposed, that never was really the case. He had loved her all along. But, even after admitting to himself that he did indeed love her, he continued to lie to himself, by convincing himself it was possible for her to love him like he loved her.
Though, during that time, that little lie was enough to get him up in the morning. To continue telling himself, 'Today is the day! Today, I will whisk her away to paradise with me!' And, he foolishly believed that he would one day.
Rejection after rejection, it did little to him then, he had his mind set that her rejections were just her adorable stubbornness shining through. It was not until the day of the final battle that he realized how much of a fool he truly was. He stood in the way of Deep Blue to save her. And died, just content to be in her arms, knowing that there was nowhere else he would have rather been in that moment.
But, now, he wished he had stayed dead. He truly felt like he was in Hell. He was able to fake a smile for her during their last encounter, but all the while his heart was slowly breaking directly in half, aching to hold her, cherish her, and love her. And when they parted ways, he cried. His heart shattered into tiny dust particles resting like ashes on his other organs. But, from then on, the ache never stopped. It was omnipresent and unyielding; a constant reminder that there was no longer a heart there to love with.
Pai shook his head when he still got no response from Kisshu, "Alright, I can see that you still don't want to talk. I'll leave the food in case you want to eat."
Pai walked to the door and gently closed it letting his morose feelings spill from his body like a tangible object as he walked down the hallway.
For the first time in two months, Kisshu moved his eyes away from the wall over in the direction of his food, but it was not the food he was eyeing. Instead, his eyes were fixated on the steak knife Pai had left him to cut his steak with. Although, much darker functions for it ran in his mind.
As anyone who has truly been heartbroken before would tell you, a heart denied love effects your brain. In short, sanity becomes blurred and wrong and right all seem to mesh together until it is impossible to distinguish one from the other.
He would do anything to be rid of the maddening ache in the void where his heart used to reside. Absolutely anything. His tired hand reached out and clumsily took hold of the steak knife.
He held it above his chest so it was touching his skin, but not hard enough to puncture it, not yet. He closed his eyes and did what he had forbidden himself to do for two long months. He thought her name. Ichigo. He let it ring like it was most gorgeous sound in the world. Ichigo. The searing pain possessed his body and he took advantage of it. He struck hard and fast into his chest right into the terrible void that had caused all of this, and he felt satisfaction. He had won over his heart. And then, the world went black.
The next morning, Pai entered the room to find Kisshu drenched in his own blood with the steak knife still sticking out of the lifeless corpse. He felt horror grip at his heart, but then felt it release as he realized that what happened was what he should have expected all along. He was a fool for thinking he could heal Kisshu. For, the heart can only be shattered so many times before the damage is irreversible.
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