I Carly
"I June"
Written by C.M. James
INT. Apartment- 3rd Floor- Night
FADE IN:
(We enter on Carly and Sam finishing with their show for the night, both girls applauds their last guest.)
CARLY
Lets give it up for our guest Davie Mooney!
(The fake audience applauds.)
SAM
I must say it's amazing what some of people can do huh?
CARLY
I'll never look at cheese the same way again…
SAM
INDEED…well, let's go to the phone poles see what kids think about tonight's show…Freddie.
(Freddie is snoring loudly at the computer.)
CARLY
Freddie?
SAM
I"LL handle this.
(Sam walks over hands behind her back. She leans over Freddie and taps him on the left shoulder. He wakes up and she smacks him from the right, knocking him off his stool.)
FREDDIE (OS)
EVIL WOMAN!
SAM
Tell me something I don't KNOW!
(Freddie hits the caller button.)
CARLY
You're on iCarly!
VIEWER #1
Yeah I just wanted to say that I thought that was best iCarly ever!
CARLY (Flattered)
Well…
(Carly flips her hair.)
CARLY (CONT'D)
I Try.
VIEWER #1
I loved the part with the girl and the grape flavored unicycle.
SAM
It was one of my favs…
(Freddie hits the caller button.)
CARLY
You're on iCarly!
VIEWER #2
iCarly is so cool! What's you're favorite episode so far?
SAM
Well we really like them all, but for you're sake we'll say this one.
VIEWER #2
Um…Thanks I guess…
SAM
You're hoggin' air time NEXT!
VIEWER #2
iCarly sucks!
SAM
SAY WHAT?
CARLY
OH NO SHE DIDN'T!
SAM
OH SHE DID!
CUT TO:
(iCarly Theme)
FADE IN:
INT. School – Day
(We fade in on Sam walking over to Carly's locker.)
CARLY
You look tired.
SAM
I spent the whole night studying for Ms. Briggs' test.
CARLY
You mean the one that's next week?
SAM
And there goes my sanity.
(Carly and Sam see Jake Randall walk by.)
CARLY
Oh my god Sam here comes Jake Randall!
JAKE
Hey Carly.
(Carly makes an incomprehensive noise unable to speak, Jake walks along.)
SAM
You're one smooth babe.
(Carly puts away here books.)
CARLY
Let's just get to class…
CUT TO:
Ms. Briggs' Class - Day
(Carly and Sam enter the classroom.)
MS. BRIGGS
Ah, glad to see you girls are FINALLY joining us.
(Carly and Sam take their seats.)
MS. BRIGGS
Now that the little nuisances are here…
SAM
I'm cool with that.
MS. BRIGGS
I can introduce our new student.
(June steps forward to the front of the classroom, the camera pans up from hr to her head.)
JUNE
Hello.
(Carly and Sam are now wide-awake, they recognize the voice.)
MS. BRIGGS
Class, meet June Weinberger.
CARLY AND SAM
JUNE.
(Carly and Sam recognize the voice as Caller #3. June is tall and thin with long red hair. She is very fashionable but already you can tell she's uppity.)
MS. BRIGGS
June here has moves form New York.
JUNE
My dad moved us to Seattle for business. It SUCKS here…
MS. BRIGGS
Charming, June take a seat anywhere you like, JUST DON'T BE PROBLEM.
JUNE
I'll try.
MS. BRIGGS
I'm SERIOUS…
(Briggs grabs June's arm.)
MS. BRIGGS (CONT'D)
You cause a problem and I WILL PUT YOU IN A WORLD OF MISERY!
JUNE (Frightened.)
Okay but can you let go of my arm…REALLY hurts…
(Briggs lets go. June walks to the back of the class and spots Carly.)
JUNE
NO WAY, you're Carly Shay!
Carly
DUH.
JUNE
My sister and I saw your web cast yesterday.
Carly
Yeah I bet you did.
MS. BRIGGS (OS)
WHAT DID I SAY!?
(June rushes to a seat.)
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA – DAY
(Carly and Sam wait in the lunch line with their trays.)
SAM
Can you believe she is in our class?
CARLY
I can't believe she's in this state.
(The lunch lady slops a questionable bean like food on her plate.)
CARLY
EW! What is this?
LUNCHLADY PATTY
Tuna Chili Surprise…
SAM
Is it even safe to eat?
(Patty mocks Sam.)
SAM
When did you loose your passion for this job?
(Patty serves the next kid.)
SAM
I swear if I here about June Weinberger I'm going to scream.
(Enter Freddie.)
FREDDIE
Hey you guys heard about June's house party?
(Sam screams in Freddie's face.)
FREDDIE
What is the matter with you?
SAM
I have problems!
CARLY
What about June?
FREDDIE
She's throwing a party on Friday at her house…she's invited almost everyone in the school.
PATTY
Really?
FREDDIE
ALMOST.
(Patty walks away. Sam and Carly pay for their food. They then search the Cafeteria for a seat.)
SAM
Check it out Jake is sitting by himself.
CARLY
Are you kidding what would I say? What would I talk about? I could just see it I would walk over there and-
SAM
YO JAKE!
(Jake looks up to Carly as Sam and Freddie flee. Jake waves and Carly walks over she is about to sit down until bumped away by June.)
JUNE
Excuse me.
(Carly is on the floor, the questionable meal on her chest.)
CARLY
Gross…
JUNE
I'm June Weinberger.
JAKE
I know, I heard of your Dad's cheese company.
CARLY
I knew that cheese was familiar!
JAKE
So how do like the school so far?
JUNE
Better…
(June puts her hand on Jake's.)
JUNE
Now that I met you…OW!
(Carly stands up.)
JUNE
Did you just BITE ME?
CARLY
What? Who? ME? WHAT? Wh-? I don't know! What? I have to go now!
(Carly leaves then enters.)
CARLY
Forgot my tray.
(Carly wipes her food off her shirt to her plate.)
CARLY
Goodbye Jake. JUNE.
(Carly walks away.)
CUT TO:
INT. Carly's Apartment – Day
(Carly and Sam enter the living room, Spencer is working on his newest sculpture. A river dancing mermaid.)
CARLY
UGH!
(Throws her backpack in a blind rage where it then hits the sculpture knocking its head off.)
SPENCER
Because the Mermaid deserved to die…
CARLY
This is the worst day ever!
SPENCER
Aw man, my head.
CARLY
Oh will you shut up about the head!
SPENCER
I sense a negative aura around you…Come, come, tell about it and cleanse.
(Carly lies down on the couch.)
CARLY (Fast)
Ok so you Jake Randall right? Well I have this crush on him since like the first day I met him and I thought that he would talk to me if he liked me. Well he did so I thought there was something there. But then this (She says this word slowly.) AWFUL (Resumes the fast speed talking.) Girl comes along to school June Weinberger. Not only did she say that my show-
SAM
Our show.
CARLY (Fast)
Our show sucks but puts the moves ON JAKE! Since she's some hot cheese heiress from New York. She thinks that the world revolves around her well it DOESN'T!
SPENCER
Feel better?
CARLY
I do actually.
(A knock on the door. Carly answers the door to reveal June.)
CARLY
Why are you tormenting me?
JUNE
Excuse me?
(A little girl enters the doorway and kicks Carly in the knee.)
KATIE
Let me in loser!
CARLY
WHO is that?
JUNE
My sister.
CARLY AND SAM
Sister?
KATIE
The names KATIE, say don't spray it.
(Katie blows a raspberry to Sam.)
SAM
IT. WAS. YOU.
JUNE
Wait a minute, what?
CARLY
You're the one who called into iCarly!
KATIE
So you are smart.
JUNE
KATIE! Look the party starts in a while, go upstairs and set up the food okay?
KATIE
Fine.
(Katie turns to Sam.)
KATIE
You're on my list.
(Katie leaves.)
JUNE
Sorry about that.
CARLY
Upstairs?
JUNE
Yeah I live in the penthouse here.
(Sam and Carly stumble in shock.)
JUNE
You okay?
CARLY (Barley Audible)
I'm fine.
JUNE
If you're not busy I was wondering if you wanted to come.
SAM
Well we kind of got this thing to do.
JUNE
iCarly, right. Look I don't know what my sister said but I apologize for her. We sound alike so I mostly get blamed for what she says. So were good?
CARLY
Yeah.
(Spencer looks out the window.)
SPENCER
Hey Jake's here.
CARLY
But you know what iCarly can wait, Sam let's go.
(Carly grabs Sam and they rush over to Carly's room.)
CUT TO:
INT. Carly's Room – Night
(Carly and Sam get ready for June's party we Carly fully but Sam has her back turned the camera.)
CARLY
You know June's not really that bad.
SAM
Yeah, except that her little sister is a shin-kicking shrew.
(Enters Freddie.)
SAM
Don't you ever knock?
FREDDIE
What it's just a room.
CARLY
This not just a room. THIS is a GIRLS room, more importantly MY room.
FREDDIE
Are we doing iCarly or not?
CARLY
That can wait. Right now this is all about Jake and me.
(Carly Searches through her drawer.)
CARLY
Where's all my lip-gloss?
(Sam turns around and reveals that she has out on Carly's lip-gloss all over her face as a joke.)
SAM
Am I beautiful?
(Carly hands Sam a box of tissues.)
SAM
How's the party so far?
FREDDIE
We'll Jeremy Allen put his head in a lampshade thinking it would be funny.
CARLY
Was it?
FREDDIE
Well he fell and tripped over the couch falling into the giant punch bowl so Yeah!
(Spencer knocks on the door.)
CARLY
Who is it?
SPENCER
It's Spencer.
CARLY (To Freddie.)
See, he knows the rules!
SAM
Come in.
(Spencer enters.)
SPENCER
You're still going to the party right?
CARLY
Yeah.
SPENCER
Would you mind taking these toenail clippers with you?
CARLY
Why?
SPENCER
I know this but sound strange but I need you to get some toenail clippings for my sculpture.
CARLY
EW!
SAM
That's weird, even for you.
SPENCER
Well?
CARLY
NO!
SPENCER
Here…
(Spencer puts the clippers on Carly's dresser.)
SPENCER
Think it over…
(Spencer leaves, and the three share a laughs as we…)
CUT TO:
INT. June's Apartment – Night
(We join the party and it is in full swing. Carly, Sam, and Freddie. Freddie goes his separate way but Carly has her eye set on June. She walks over. June is entertaining a crowd of people around her, Carle stands next to Jake.)
CARLY
H-Hi Jake.
JAKE
Sup Carly, June was about to tell us her last vacation.
JUNE
I think I was about twelve then, My Mom and I were driving down to Port Bay penitentiary to pick up my uncle you had just gotten out of prison re right? And it was all going well until mom ate some bad fish she got from a radioactive lake and she was swelling up really bad. I mean her hands, were just literally dripping with puss, it was so nasty I mean it was kind of yellow but most of it was like this pink. And when we finally got to the hospital they had to cut her open and they found this huge tapeworm chewing on her intestines. But she's better now so it's okay.
SAM
Charming, I'm going to be throwing up over there.
(Sam leaves.)
DJ
Alright lets turn up the volume and get down.
(The music becomes extra loud and the kids gather around the dance floor, Jake goes off to dance with the others but Carly walks over to the punchbowl to depressed to even bust a move. She grabs the ladle but the remembers Jeremy and goes over to the soda. She drinks cup after cup to the point where her bladder is about to explode. She rushes over to Sam on the dancelfoor. Who is doing a robot like dance with Freddie.)
CARLY (Barely audible with music.)
Let's go!
SAM
What?
CARLY (Barely audible with music.)
I gotta use the bathroom!
SAM
I can't hear you.
(The Music stops.)
CARLY
I HAVE TO PEE!
(Sam's eyes grow wide open, the crowd laughs.)
DJ
I'll be tacking a short break.
(The well-leveled volume music resumes. Carly and Sam rush to the bathroom.)
CUT TO:
INT. June's Bathroom – Night
CARLY
I cannot believe I made such and idiot out of myself.
SAM
It wasn't that bad.
CARLY
Really?
SAM
Are you kidding? Girl, you BOMBED…
CARLY
AT least this night can't get any worse.
(Carly exits the bathroom, she then sees Jake and June Kissing in the Hallway. We See Carly's run away as we…)
CUT TO:
INT. Carly's Apartment – Living Room – Day
(Carly sits on the couch watching TV; an army of food surrounds her. She's about to stick half a chocolate bar in her mouth until she looks at the chocolate strangely.)
CARLY
You love me right?
(A knock at the door.)
CARLY
Come in…
(Sam walks in and sees the wreckage; she lifts up her foot as she has stepped into some kind of goo.)
SAM
Ew, Carly what happened here and what is this on my shoe?
CARLY
Does it matter? My life is over anyway.
SAM
We go live in an hour and I think you can do better with this Jake situation than staying here in the dark. Eating last years Halloween candy watching…The Commercial Channel.
CARLY
Look at that rabbit. What is wrong with those kids! All he wanted was a bowl of cereal…
SAM
Okay, time to get up.
CARLY
I don't wanna!
(Sam grabs Carly's leg and pulls with all her might. Carly's fingers come loose form the couch and. Sam drags her across the floor to the elevator.)
CUT TO:
INT. Apartment- 3rd Floor- Day
FREDDIE
In 3…2…1…
SAM
Good day world, it's a Saturday Morning which means you get a bowlful of iCarly right now, I'm Sam…
CARLY (Unenthusiastic)
I'm Carly…
SAM
AND it's special request day so you know what that means!
CARLY (Unenthusiastic and Fast)
WE asked online for your special request, callbacks, and favorite moments so here back on iCarly by popular demand, here's unicycle girl.
(A girl comes onstage with a purple grape flavored unicycle and balances on it with her teeth; circus music plays in the background as she peddles around the floor with her hands. All is well until Carly pushes her off.)
SAM
What was that for?
CARLY
Misery loves company…
UNICYCLE GIRL (OS)
I'M bleeding in my mouth!
SAM
You can't go around pushing people of unicycles.
UNICYCLE GIRL
I NEED MEDICAL ASSISTANCE!
CARLY
I just hate having June in my life she's everywhere, its like she's this mole on back just following me everywhere I go its driving me crazy. She's ruining my life!
SAM
Did you think about Ms. Briggs when you mentioned the mole?
CARLY
Yeah…I did.
UNICYCLE GIRL
WHY ARE YOU NOT GETTING HELP?
FREDDIE
And were out. Terrible…good job people.
CUT TO:
INT. School – Day - Monday
(Carly, Sam. And Freddie walk down the hallway.)
SAM
Monday already…
CARLY
I can already tell this week isn't going to be good.
FREDDIE
I know what you mean, where starting off today with Briggs' exam.
SAM
EXAM! Oh man I…Meh.
CARLY
Oh no.
FREDDIE
What?
(June and Jake walk down the hall, holding hands and laughing together. They pass our trio like the didn't even exist. Suddenly in June turns her head and looks at Carly with a malicious smile. Suddenly Carly realizes.)
CARLY
Harlot!
SAM
So she was evil all along!
CARLY
I can't believe her! June thinks she can get away with anything well she needs to be taught a lesson. (Sweet voice) Freddie…
(Carly touches Freddie's face.)
CARLY
Would you mind…doing a little favor for me?
FREDDIE
Not at all!
SAM (To Freddie)
Look at you…wrapped around her little finger. You should be ashamed of yourself.
CUT TO:
INT. Girls Bathroom – Day
(June enters a dark bathroom; she flips the switch but no light. Suddenly a flashlight is turned on. She sees Carly's face.)
CARLY
Hello June…
JUNE
Carly?
CARLY
June sit down.
JUNE
But there's no where to-
CARLY
SIT!
(June sits on the floor.)
CARLY
Now you may act all innocent and sweet but I see the real June Weinberger.
JUNE
What?
CARLY
Don't play dumb with me…the look you gave me in the hallway? Man you are one conniving chick!
(June stands up and walks over to Carly)
JUNE
Well I guess even the best of us connivers can't pretend forever. You're right; I was just faking being nice. Face it. I'm rich, popular, and now I have Jake. And you're not going to get in my way.
CARLY
Why would you do something like that? To me, at the party?
JUNE
Because I'm not gonna let you or anybody here keep me from what I want!
CARLY
But that's just crazy!
JUNE
AND?
(Carly gives her an EXACTLY! Look.)
JUNE
I had my eye set on Jake since the first day I got here-
CARLY
YOU got here last FRIDAY!
JUNE (Smiling)
See how fast I work!
(June stops smiling.)
JUNE
Please I've seen the way Jake looks at you, he totally thinks you're hot.
CARLY
He does?
JUNE
Which is exactly why you're going to have to be eliminated socially.
CARLY
Say what?
JUNE
Stay away form Jake, and I won't crush you.
(June walks out of the bathroom. Carly then walks to the door but then trips over the trashcan.)
FADE OUT:
