A/N: Hello all, this a PARODY. It's supposed to be silly. Anyway,
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.
The setting is some big stadium on Mars.
It's been five years since Katniss and Peeta competed in the Hunger Games.
About three years ago, Cinna (with his army of sequins) took control of the Capitol, and some things have definitely changed.
Peeta stands on a floating platform in the futuristic stadium on Mars. He straightens rigidly and says, "Weeeeelcome to the -246th Hunger Games! I am Peeta and I will be your announcer for this evening. I am named after a type of bread, and yes, I am a baker's son! I paint morbid pictures and frost cakes in my spare time! And noooooooow if you would help me welcome the looooooooovely Ms. Katniiiiiiiiiiiiiiss Everdeen!"
Katniss flies up on a pig. She is dressed in a sea-green dress, with diamonds embedded in all the fabric from her waist down. She stands next to Peeta and twirls.
Whoosh! Peeta turns into a mockingjay.
Katniss smiles, blinding many people, then she calls out, "Hello, everybody! I'm Katniss. Cinna designed this dress for me! And as you all know by now, Cinna expresses himself through his clothing." She holds up a picture of Lady Gaga and horror music plays. "This dress makes me look like a mermaid."
She twirls again.
Peeta's back.
"So, apparently Cinna is missing the ocean, so he had to go back to earth-" She laughs like a dying hyena, "-because as you all know, there is no water on Mars."
The crowd boos.
She giggles. "This lack of water is sure to make the Games very interesting!"
Peeta shakes his head. "Yes, and now that I am no longer a bird, let's get on to the reaping."
Katniss presents a bowl with "Gale Hawthorne's Entries" written on it.
"Hmm, I wonder who it will be..." she murmurs.
Peeta snorts.
Katniss reaches into the bowl and pulls out a mailbox. She opens the mailbox; inside is an envelope. She opens the envelope, and out falls a fortune cookie. She cracks the cookie open. Out falls a slip of paper. She picks it up and reads: "Gale Hawthorne."
Gale appears on the ground near the platform.
Peeta smiles at him. "Gale, Congratulations! You've been chosen for the –246th Hunger Games – whoo! You'll probably die!"
The Peeta fan-girls cheer.
"But that's not fair," Gale shouts, "I'm too old to compete. I have to work in the mines to support my family!"
Peeta waves his hand dismissively. "Pfft. That's not my problem. Happy Hunger Games, Mr. Hawthorne."
"May the odds be ever in my favor!" Katniss chirps.
Peeta disappears.
Gale turns to Katniss with puppy dog eyes. "Katniss, please, you understand. I can't go!"
She nods, "Yes, you couldn't go. You might die. People will miss you, just like I miss…"
"Who, my darling dill pickle, who do you miss?"
Katniss sniffles.
Gale jumps 10 feet high, and lightly lands on the platform beside her. He takes her into his arms and coaxes, "Who…"
"My poor Marvel!"
The crowd gasps collectively.
Gale jumps away, and lands back on the floor of the stadium.
Katniss is now pouring out the truth. "I loved him. We would go to the forest and talk for hours. We would hunt together…"
She begins to cry.
"He called me Catnip!" She wails.
Gale is confused.
"But, Katniss! That was all me. Why, without you, I'm just dust in the wind!"
She stares at him. "Yes, yes you are."
Gale, in his best opera voice, shouts, "Nooooooooo…"
He turns into golden dust, and blows away.
Peeta returns.
"Well, that was a performance that just might give me a run for my money – er – dough. Haha. Now, let's see who the girl tribute is."
Katniss turns to Peeta. "Call the secret service."
All these big, black, cool jets land in the stadium. Secret service agents come out of the jets, wearing black sunglasses, suits, and earpieces. They walk in a circular formation. They stop in front of the platform where Katniss and Peeta stand. There's a random man in the middle of the circle. He reaches out and hands Katniss a Magic 8 Ball.
She hands it to Peeta, who hands it back to Katniss, who hands it back to Peeta, who hands back to Katniss, who hands it back to Peeta and then pushes him off of the ten-foot-high platform. "Hot potato!" she screams. "I win!"
He lands on his feet (like Firestar). Then he shakes the ball up, saying, "Show me who the girl tribute is." He stops shaking and looks at the ball.
It reads: Try again.
So he tries again.
This time it says: Madge Undersee.
"Oh, DemigodWiththeBread will be happy that Madge and Gale will be together..." Katniss says.
"But the author won't be!" Peeta exclaims.
"What author?" Katniss wonders.
Then the Enterprise lands in the stadium. A door opens, and the Death Star flies out. It shoots a beam at a large rock and Tony the Tiger from the Frosted Flakes commercials comes out.
"What's he doing here?" Madge says from earth.
"Wow, she can yell loudly..." Peeta says.
"Why, he's our third tribute! After all, this is the -246th Hunger Games! It's the Quarter Quell, and times are changing! There's always a twist." Katniss says, nodding.
Peeta smiles at the camera. "Well, that's it for the reaping this year. Tune in five years from now to watch the Games! Goodnight!"
A/N: So, first off, props to anyone who knows who Firestar is.
And thank you to DemigodWiththeBread, my beta-ish person.
