Those He Can Blame

As he paces in slow circles around the console he thinks back to all the places they'd visited. And those he can blame…

He can blame Queen Victoria.

He had saved her from a Werewolf bite that would have changed the course of British history. But in the end something had found its way into her blood, and she'd banished him. Then she founded Torchwood… The entity that one day would pull them apart.

And that's why he can blame Queen Victoria.

He can blame Torchwood and Yvonne Hartman.

If they hadn't ripped a hole in the void again and again, the Cybermen and Dalek would never have gotten though to his universe. He wouldn't have had to clean up their dirty mess... and he wouldn't have lost the most important thing in the world to him.

And that's why he can blame Torchwood.

He can blame the Cybermen.

They'd killed so many people; worse than killed. They'd taken away everything that defined them as a human being, locking their brains away in metal suits. And just as he was defeating them he lost the one thing that kept him sane.

And that's why can blame the Cybermen.

He can blame the Daleks.

He had destroyed Gallifrey because of them. Destroyed his planet and killed his own people. And it was all for nothing; because they survived like they always do. Every time he meets them, they take something from him. And this time his oldest enemies took the one thing he cannot live without.

And that's why he can blame the Daleks.

And yet, only part of his hearts blamed them. Mostly, he blamed himself. If only he had done things just a little different. If only he had found a better way to get rid of the Cybermen and the Daleks. If only he had kept Rose safe.

If… Oh, but that was the knife now wasn't it. If? If only? He knew those words would cut him and never let him rest.

"Oh, Rose," he moaned "What do I do without you?" Tears fell down face. And this time he didn't stop them.

"What was her name?" Donna asked, not fully knowing the implications of her question.

"Her name was Rose." He answered; his voice thick and heavy with tears.

Victoria, Hartman, Torchwood, Cybermen Daleks, but above all himself

All those he can blame