Title: Vanilla Skies.

Author: Molize

Summary: Set after 2x15. Chuck leaves to Europe after he loose Bass Industries and Blair dismisses him. He needs help with the way his life has become and find help in old friends. Blair's not as done as she said to Chuck and her life is falling into pieces. Old friends and old enemies sometimes mean the same.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Chapter 1. In the middle of the ocean.

This is how life works. When you think your life couldn't get any worse it shows you what a bitch is.

That was what Chuck thought while lounged in his couch in 1812, scotch in hand. The suite was dark, blinds down in every window and lights turned off. If someone entered, they would think the young Bass was away and that was exactly what he hoped.

He wanted to be alone. Actually, it was something far more complicated that just wanting to be alone. It was difficult to explain.

Things were complicated so hiding was a good solution to avoid them, and hiding alone is less suspicious; but in the other hand, he had spent the last two months alone and thinking-scotch-get drunk was the menu.

Everybody knows everything can get worse; at least it's said in Murphy's Law... but so worse?

Putting in order his recent memories from the last two years in his life was an example of up's and down's.

A boring beginning of junior year. Nate and Serena's secret discovered. Victrola's project. Bart thinks is a bad idea. Nate and Blair break up. Victrola's opening. And amazing ride home. Damned fluttering stomach. Blair wants Nate. Anger. Nate comes to him. Guilt. Nate needs her. More anger. Blair's birthday. The necklace. A secret affair. Nate and Blair as friends. Chuck sees red. Chuck screw up everything. Loose Blair. GG blast. Nate hates him. Blair now comes to him. Too late. Van der Basses. Fine with Lily. Really good with Eric. Really funny with Serena. Bart thinks he's not good for them... as always. Wedding. Things with Nate and Blair get better. Fear. Loosing Blair again. Fighting for her.

At the end, maybe they couldn't say what they felt for each other but they were fine. Things were good even with Bart. High school was ending; new projects were on the horizon.

And then... Bart's been an accident.

When you fight for something or someone, you may lose it. It's hard, but that possibility is always in mind.

When you loose someone that you had as granted you simply are lost.

What do you do now? Bart, his father, was someone granted. Maybe his relationship wasn't the best between a father and his son. Sometimes Chuck felt as if he was a temp in Bass Industries, but at least it was something. He had killed her mother, the love of his father's life, so in one way or another he could understand why Bart was like he was.

That night, at the Snowflake Ball, he felt as a murderer.

A murderer, again.

Because of his phone call his father was coming to the ball to talk to Lily, and in that ride he died. It was easy to make connections.

First time, Chuck killed her mother in childbirth.

Second time, he made the call that killed his father.

Two times guilt is too much weight for only a soul.

The guilt made him drown on his own thoughts while people only wanted to get him to the surface.

No one asked what he wanted to do, if he wanted to be alone or in company. In those moments they think that if you say you want to be on your own it's because you're sad and you don't want to be seen like that. Perhaps they are right in some circumstances but Chuck did want to be really alone.

Before Bart's funeral he had spent his time with some boxes full of bottles of scotch. Chuck couldn't live with the feeling he was the cause of his father departure. He needed to find something to lift that weight from his shoulders. Someone. He found it. Somehow. Lily Bass.

Deep down it hurt him, because someway he liked her. Lily was the mother he always lacked.

However his hiding place was not good enough... they could find him, she could find him. Actually they did, she did.

Nate found him at the Palace's bar. Chuck was dressed for the funeral.

Chuck had gone to his room to retrieve some clothes and brought a few suitcases with him to his suit. After Chuck finished, the prospect of burying Bart only made him drink another bottle of scotch. That was the state in which Nate found him.

Nate brought him back to his suit and called Blair. They had been very worried about him since the night at the hospital, Chuck had disappeared. Nate thought it was pointless to call him every fifteen minutes. If he wanted to be alone, let him be. However, Blair didn't agree. She called him thousand times. First, Chuck hanged up, then he just ignored her calls. Her second option was calling Nate another thousand times asking him if he had some idea where Chuck could be.

Blair was right. Leaving Chuck alone had been a bad idea.

When Nate opened the door to her, he was welcomed by an anxious Blair who stormed into the suit asking where was Chuck, how he was, if he was ok... endless questions that finished once she took a look at Chuck sleeping soundly on his bed. At his sight, Blair left the breath she was holding and approached to his resting body as tears threatened to fall down her face. She didn't want to see him in a state like that, but it was thousand times better that than not knowing where he was or if he was ok.

Preparing Chuck to the funeral had been a torture. And feeling he couldn't look to them right into their eyes, her eyes, even worse.

Chuck was dragged from the safety of his suit to the church when he couldn't walk straight a few steps. However when he saw Dan, Chuck reunited the strength to run towards him and punch him in the face, nevertheless they had stopped him.

When he saw Lily his blood just boiled. The power of the mind is indisputable, he wanted to blame someone else and he did.

When Chuck saw Lily his mind sent him a picture of Lily with a gun aiming to his father. The assassin's portrait. She was the one to blame, not him. She was the cheater, she was the reason why Bart was coming to the Ball. If Chuck had called him for another reason, not matter how important to him, he wouldn't have come. Bart died in his limo not because of his son, but her wife.

After all, Bart loved her. He had taken the last step after years and years of young top models, actresses and socialites.

Bart wanted a solid family and she destroyed it.

Maybe this was the reason why at Eric's words he exploded. They weren't a family anymore. They were, not him, he was alone.

That day was one of the hardest of his whole life. Actually, the hardest.

He had to be surrounded of people who didn't stop telling him how much Bart loved him, how much they would miss him when a few of them actually knew Bart enough to say those things.

He had to be in the front row, feeling the glances from his friends and "family", and looking to the coffin of his father. A father who Chuck would not see again.

Until that moment he hadn't thought about it, but there was no Bart anymore. He was gone.

Chuck had no father, no role model, someone who would be proud of him or ashamed, someone who will scoff at his bad behaviour, who will pat his shoulder when he did the right thing.

Chuck had always complained about his scrutinizing stare, but now that he was gone, Chuck was lost.

In the middle of the ocean.

His brain might have disconnected because he didn't remember what was said in the church or the moment his father was buried. Next thing he did was been brought to his penthouse.

His penthouse. As his friends referred: the Van der Basses'.

When his feet entered the lobby his heart constricted. Bart and Lily wanted to mix their broken families and turn it into a real one. It didn't last long.

Blair and Nate could sense how uncomfortable Chuck felt, so Blair proposed to go to a calmer room and just wait until all the people went away. Chuck's only response was grabbing a drink and disappearing upstairs.

Chuck wanted to keep his mind out of the situation so he thought looking to the bright side of death would be the best to do. Chuck went to his father's office and searched for his will.

While he was revolving the drawers he felt someone behind him.

Lily's heart hurt seeing Chuck like that. She understood why he didn't want her next to him, but her maternal instincts told her to be near him in a moment like that.

Last few months she had been more attached to Chuck and he had become one of her children. The fact that she understood him maybe was the reason. Parents who didn't show you how much they care were common in both their lives.

Chuck acknowledged her presence and made his statement. She should not worry about him anymore, when he received his part of the will she wouldn't see him again. With that said he just left the room.

That penthouse made Chuck claustrophobic. He went downstairs, grabbed his coat and called his limo.

Blair saw as Chuck took the elevator and went outside. She was tired of this. If he wanted to run away then he would have to make to the idea Blair would not leave him doing that, at least if it wasn't with her.

She wanted to stand by him through anything, good or bad. She loved him and she knew he loved her too. They couldn't say it but both knew it was true.

Blair caught him in the sidewalk as he was to go into his limo.

She said it.

She told him she wasn't going to leave him alone due to the most selfless reason. She loved him and she couldn't stand seeing him hurting. Whatever he wanted to do she would be next to him.

The problem was Chuck didn't want her next to him and that broke her heart.

Chuck went away and Blair came back home. They both drowned their sorrows, in different ways.

As Blair celebrated her mother and Cyrus' wedding and tried to forget about a certain Bass, Dorota approached to her and told Blair to went upstairs quickly. She was confused about her words but she hoped desperately she would find someone up there.

Chuck had hurt her with his words or his absence of words. Blair wanted to stay mad at him but when she entered her room and found him... his face said it was not the moment for a battle.

They had known each other all their lives, but she had never seen him like that.

Who would say Chuck Bass would cry the loss of his father? Nobody.

And nobody would think about it because he had made the effort to not show it to anyone until then. To no one, but her.

Blair would never forget that image.

She ran towards Chuck and embraced him tightly. At first he didn't move. She could hear how Chuck tried to control his breathing even when a few sobs escaped his lips. When his hands held softly but firmly to her arms she couldn't help but left a few tears fall down her cheeks.

Slowly, Chuck calmed. Maybe it was because he had released how he felt that day or the soothing words Blair whispered to him during their embrace.

Finally he left from her arms. Chuck sat a bit straighter on her bed and looked to the floor ashamed for his emotional outburst as Blair stared at him not knowing what to say.

Blair reached to touch his hand and that made Chuck glance at their joined hands. He ran softly his thumbs to his knuckles and left a sigh.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, Blair enjoying the feeling of Chuck's warm skin in her hand. That was one of the most intimate moments they had shared.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have come. I... should go." His voice was soft but weak. He sounded exhausted.

At his statement, Blair just held more tightly to his hand. She wouldn't let him escape.

"I don't want you to." Her words left her mouth brokenly but firmly.

Chuck looked into her pleading eyes, the first time in days. It felt like years. He just shocked his head. He had to go.

"Please." She didn't ask him a lot, just to stay with her.

When he moved to left, Blair took his other hand and dragged him to the bed with her.

Chuck simply obliged. After all he had no place to go, and he really needed her with him even when he had said the opposite.

He lied atop her silk sheets staring towards the window in front of him. It was late in the evening. He felt Blair's arms embrace him from behind.

Blair watched how Chuck's eyelids fluttered close. He was exhausted. She couldn't imagine when had been the last time he had slept, but that didn't matter anymore. He was with her. Blair would take care of him. She would procure he slept, didn't drink alcohol and ate.

Chuck had dozen off.

Blair tightened her grasp and put her head onto his shoulder. When his hands reached to touch her arms in his sleep, Blair smiled and kissed him softly on the neck.

Hours after, Chuck woke up. It was 2 a.m. Even though the events of the day before, he was in calm. Blair stirred a bit and moved her arms but only to embrace him tighter.

Chuck turned to Blair and faced her.

She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

Their heads were so close that their noses almost touched. As he watched her sleeping with a soft smile upon her face, Chuck moved his arm around her waist and nuzzled her closer to him.

The sweet smell of her hair, her warm and silky skin... She was too much for him, so much he didn't deserve her. He was a waist of time. Why stay here when he could avoid her suffering. Blair deserved better, someone who would make her happy, not sad. Chuck didn't remember the last time she smiled, a beautiful true smile. Since he started that mess.

It had been a moment of weakness. Blair would hate him for running away but he did hope that once he saw her happy and glow she would forgave him. That was all he would need.

Her smile and time. Because it would be hard to say to his heart to bury his feelings for her.

Blair Waldorf was known to manage the impossible.

He had known that for a long time. She had managed to make him feel he had a heart.

She had conquest his heart.

He loved her.

He would always love her.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

A/N: A year or more later I'm back again. Last year I began a fanfic called "Bittersweet Symphony" that I had much in mind but a lot happens in life and I stopped writing. I'm in a fresh start, so this one is a fresh start for that story too, with much more insight and probably better written.

I thought about delete all my old stories but all of them had reviews, alerts,… and I thought that doing it would be like saying "thank you for your review but I don't give a damn about them" and that is the opposite to what I feel, so I didn't.

I like to know your opinion, good or bad, so reviews are more than welcome. So...