"So, how did I do?" Alec asks once they've returned home, his lips ever so slightly curled upwards.
"You did very well indeed Alexander," Magnus replies, gripping Alec's arm loosely. "I'm very proud of you."
And it's the truth. The way in which Alec had handled himself in the meeting had been truly applaudable. For the first time in many, many years, centuries perhaps, Magnus can see change burgeoning. It won't be swift, Magnus knows, the Clave will ensure that much, but with Alec at the forefront and support growing, it is certainly possible.
But even so... even so there is still a niggle of doubt in Magnus, an insecurity that has lingered ever since Alec, however unknowingly and good-intended, was ready to see him executed.
Clearly these emotions he buries down deep are not so hidden as Alec's expression grows more serious.
"Are you okay Magnus?"
"Me? Oh, I'm fine. Just in need of a drink I think." He turns from Alec, simultaneously wanting to talk to the Shadowhunter and regretting that he let his mask slip so briefly. Tonight is Alec's night, no need to sully it with his own issues. A drink really would do wonders right now.
"Are you sure? Because you know you can talk to me, right? I know we haven't had much time to be together, not since…"
"Not since Valentine was parading around in my body," Magnus finishes for him, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice. Even merely saying his name makes Magnus feel dirty. "Truly Alec, you have nothing to concern yourself over, at least not tonight," Magnus says, taking a sip of his newly acquired strawberry daiquiri. He flairs his fingers out to add more rum.
"Is this…is it because I said I didn't want you there as much boyfriend?" Alec asks, his pretty face already crumpling downwards and this is what Magnus wanted to avoid. "Because, Magnus, you know I love you and it would only be for those meetings. Like I said, they need to see that I care about more than just you, that I care about changing for all Downworlders."
Magnus breathes out a silent sigh. His beautiful, stubborn, Alexander. It looks like they will be having this conversation tonight. He takes a long drink of his daiquiri, nearly finishing the whole glass.
"Come sit," Magnus says and both he and Alec sit on the sofa, Alec taking one of Magnus' hands in his. The rough feel of those calloused palms is comfortingly familiar and he draws strength from the feeling as he begins to speak.
"I suppose I was a bit hurt when you said that," Magnus starts and before words can leave Alec's opened mouth, he quickly continues with, "but, I do understand. It was not an unreasonable request. With the way things are at the moment, it makes sense. These sorts of situations need to be delicately handled, I know."
"But…?" Alec leads on gently.
"But…I suppose I am still quite affected by what happened," Magnus replies, almost hating this vulnerability but knowing it's necessary. Alec deserves to know how he feels. So far, his boyfriend has been taking Magnus' lead which is greatly appreciated but Magnus himself has been holding back meaning they've reached stagnation with Alec unwilling to push and Magnus unwilling to open up. Perhaps it's finally time he does so.
"While the whole…situation itself will take quite a while to recover from, especially with the memories it dredged up," Magnus don't expect those nightmares to diminish any time soon, "One of the parts I'm finding most difficult to deal with is how nobody believed me. How you didn't believe me." He runs his fingers along Alec's face after his boyfriend flinches. "And before you begin to get devoured by guilt Alexander, I know you shouldn't have trusted my word. We all know how manipulative Valentine is, how cunning. It made perfect sense for you not to trust me but it's something my more illogical side is struggling with."
A pained expression crosses Alec's face. "I…I don't know what to say except I'm sorry Magnus. I don't-I know I always say this but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help."
"I know Alec," Magnus replies softly. "I'm not sure even I know what would help. Perhaps a code word, so no such event could occur again." He only really says the last bit in an attempt to lighten the mood but Alec nods seriously.
"You're right. We need one for any case, not just…body switches." Magnus watches him think bemusedly. "Crocs," Alec ends up saying and a startled laugh escapes Magnus' lips.
"Crocs?"
"I remember you once saying it was the one shoe you would never wear," Alec admits bashfully and Magnus' heart warms at the fact Alec remembered such an insignificant titbit.
"Crocs it is then," Magnus agrees and to his surprise, the anxiety and worry that has been clawing within him soothes minutely.
"And I will fight to get Valentine executed," Alex says, determination lacing his passionate words. "For everything he's done but especially for you. So you don't…so you don't have to be reminded of him." Hidden beneath those words Magnus can hear 'so you don't have to be afraid' and this time Magnus grasps both of Alec's hands in his, stroking his thumbs over Alec's.
"Thank you Alexander. I know you will."
Rather than speak any more, Alec ducks his head shyly, a grin illuminating his face before he leans towards Magnus. Ever since the whole debacle, Alec has been wary of getting to close, of spooking Magnus as it were and true to form, he hesitates before crossing the final distance.
"This okay?" He asks and Magnus answers by crossing it form him, pressing their lips together softly. This not a kiss of lust, nor is a casual one. This is a kiss demonstrating their love, their devotion, where they can say thing they are unable to express through words. As they part, Magnus rests his forehead against Alec's. .
"With you Alexander, it will always be okay."
For that, Magnus gets one more peck.
"One day, when things have settled, when things are better, you will be there by my side Magnus and everyone will know it couldn't have been done without you," Alec promises.
Feeling more relaxed and reassured than he has in a long while, Magnus replies, "I look forward to it."
