The Golden Son

Cersei had never believed she would do something this ridiculous. Going to a fortune teller was something only lowly borns would do, not what a former lioness of the Rock, or a lady of Storm's End would do. She would scorn at anyone who would suggest this to her, but no one had ever dared to. They knew neither Lady or Lord Baratheon gave credit to such cheap superstitions. Fortune tellers were for the uneducated, for the poor, for the desperate… But Cersei Baratheon was desperate.
She would have been happy, she had a good marriage, her husband cherished and respected her, in his absence she was the undiscussed ruler of Storms End. Her husband had been appointed to take a seat at the small council, despite still being young, and her eldest daughter was officially betrothed to prince Aegon, the King's heir. She could be content, while Stannis wasn't the handsome prince she had dreamed of, she had wanted to be queen… but maybe it wasn't that bad to not be a queen, since she seemed to be unable to have an heir.
Ten moons after her wedding, Cassana had been born, black hair, blue eyes and Cersei's face. "The Gods are good. My colors and your beauty," Stannis had said.
Two years after Cassana came Roberta, with black hair, blue eyes and her uncle Renly features. "She is more masculine than Renly ever was. I fear she takes after Robert," was Stannis comment to his loud daughter, whom was always found at her mother teat.
A year after Roberta, she bore little Myrella, who was her grandmother Cassana Estermont born again with almond-shaped hazel eyes, and light brown hair. "She is a little turtle, no doubt," he had held her like a treasure, and Cersei remembered how her mother in law died, and how young Stannis had been.
After Myrella she had suffered a miscarriage after five moons… it would have been a girl. It had been an awful time; Rhaegar had wanted his cousin in his small council, Stannis had left her saying that she needed to gain her forces, and she was his trusted castellan and that he wanted for the girls to grow up at Storm Ends.
Sure, he hadn't been happy to leave her… this had been her only satisfaction.
He would miss her. She had wanted to try again to have a babe before he left, yet he had been immobile, she needed to rest, and she was his lady not some mare. Cersei had loved him for this.
He wasn't handsome, he wasn't funny, he was stubborn, and so meticulous that as a newlywed she had to fight the desire to jump from a cliff, but Stannis had respect for he; she wasn't only a woman but his lady wife, and Cersei had longed for respect, she had wanted nothing more than respect.
After her past humiliation, everyone had known that Tywin Lannister had wanted prince Rhaegar for his daughter, she feared nothing more that to be laughed at. Her father had wanted to keep her for Viserys, but her mother had insisted, Cersei had to marry the new heir of the Baratheon. Robert Baratheon hadn't been dead for four moons before she married his brother.
She had long gave up her stupid dreams of being queen, after Cassana's first name day. King Rhaegar had taken Robert's former betrothed as his second queen. A new humiliation for Cersei, who almost cried tears of joy after Lyanna's childbed death. Now, King Rhaegar could weep and play his depressing songs, for he chose two frail useless queens instead of her.
Queen Elia died soon after the second queen, and King Rhaegar, the unfortunate, was consumed by grief over his lost love.
Love, what was love? The love from a parent? A pawn, that's what she had been for Tywin Lannister, more accepted than Tyrion, but way below her brother, the perfect son, Jaime.
Her mother? She loved Jaime and Tyrion more than her, Jaime because he was perfect, Tyrion because he wasn't. She had started to threat Cersei like a treat for Jaime, because as children they had play naked with each other!
She had wanted Cersei away from the Rock, for all the world she may have looked like the good mother who wanted a brilliant marriage for her daughter, but Cersei knew better.
She didn't had wanted her near Jaime.
A brother love?
Jaime had been her best friend, her slave and her confident, but after Tyrion's birth she hadn't see much more of her brother.
He who had been her mirror, had started to become a stranger to her.
He had friends, he had his hounds, his horses, his journeys.
She had been guarded like a criminal and had to share her bed with the annoying girls her mother had wanted her to be with.
Never had she been with so many people and still felt so alone.
Sometimes she would stay for two or three moons turn at uncle Dotty or aunt Genna, next she had been at King's Landing with her father, while Jaime had been at home with mother, later he had been away as a squire...
The special bond they had shared had been torn, Joanna Lannister happy or at least relieved.
Cersei had tried to repair their bond, she had been desperate after finding out that she would have to marry Stannis Baratheon, she had wanted to speak with her brother, she had wanted his strength and the love of the boy who had wanted to be her knight.
She remembered entering his chambers, a chamber she didn't recognize anymore and found him fucking some wench.
He had seen her, his eyes wide his hips still thrusting "Cer…" she didn't let him finish, she had ran from him.
A little part of her had still believed she just had to stretch her hand and she would reach him, that he would always be there, another dumb shattered illusion.
Jaime wasn't neither a part of her, nor her friend nor her knight anymore, he had never been.
This had been the last time she had tried to see him alone.
A fortnight later she was sailing to her future husband.

Now she would wait till it was dark to visit the Maegi.
After her miscarriage she had been sure, the next child would be a boy.
She had waited, well she couldn't do more than waiting, her husband wasn't there!
At Stannis return she had all about raped him, and shortly after she was carrying again.
Despite being still young, she had been very cautious, about her food, about her sleep, about playing with the girls.
The pregnancy wasn't like the previous, but she told herself it was because she had had girls, she was carrying the heir, it must be different.
Six moons after, she lost her child and almost her life.
She had lost so much blood, the master could had barely save her, the child would have been a girl...again.
Her semi consciousness, thanks to the milk of poppy, had lasted moons.
Stannis had been near her as she woke up, long beard, his face even more narrow, his jaw pressed. Desperation rampant in his eyes.
"I wasn't able to give you a heir. Even the she wolf whelped a boy before dying. I should have died, you could remarrying and I'm sure you would have a boy after another." She had been crying, she hadn't want to be that weak, but it had been just too much.
She had only had to bear an heir, her whole purpose in life had been to press a boy out of her cunt, and she couldn't do this, she was a failure.
Cersei Lannister a failure, the unwanted daughter, the woman who hadn't be good enough to be a queen, inept to be a wife.
"Our is the fury" for the first time Cersei could see how appropriate the family words were. Stannis had been furious. He explained that his brother could marry one of the girl, he needed a mother for their daughters more than a son. Her daughters would cling to her all the time, always asking if she was fine, afraid to let her go.
Stannis had to go back to the King ,this time he took the girls with him, Cersei would stay back to gain her forces, than she would sail to her family at King's Landing.
To Stannis, the girls, her parents and her little brother.
Renly would marry Roberta, the Baratheon's line would be saved, Cersei could be assured… then she saw Renly playing, like she did with Jaime, with another boy…
She had to have a boy, she had to.
The Maegi was famous for her prophecy and her powers.
It was dark in her tent and she smelled the like of hundred of different smells, the old hag looked more like a frog than a human and Cersei knew she was doing something very stupid.
The lights and the smells made the place strange and eerie, even the frog looked like someone powerful, and Cersei a Baratheon and a Lannister before that, was scared of this commoner…
"You will have a boy, my Lady, a golden boy, radiant like the sun. He will love your husband and your husband will love him"
"I will give my husband a son?" pathetic how happy she was
"You will give your husband an heir"
"It's the same" she shared her husband distaste to words play
"A lion, a golden lion will rule over Storm Ends"
"My son, will be a lion and a stag"
"Not your husband, your first love will give you the heir"
"Not my husband ? How dare you? You lying creature. How dare you! I will have you dead for this"
"Your womb will not bear any stag. You are an half, you need to be complete to have your son." the old hag continued lost in trance "You had always wanted to hold the sword, you had always wanted to be him, as long as you don't fulfill this wish. There will be no sons for you"
Cersei had enough. She ran away, like her Roberta would do, like she had as she had play to be Jaime.
The old hag had knew she had been an highborn lady, but it had been easy, she didn't look like a paysan even with her modest brown gown.
She had knew she had a twin, but again, who didn't knew that the golden Lady Baratheon, had a twin?
Her first love, it had been Rhaegar...but even as this thought was forming in her head,she knew she tried to fool herself.
Jaime had been her first love, who else could he give her a golden lion?
She had loved Jaime, but it had been the love of a sister, nothing more.
She sobbed taking her head between her hands.
What had she wanted to do in that night, before leaving the Rock? What would she have done if Jaime hadn't been already occupied with someone else?
Jaime.
Her golden mirror, the golden lion.
Father of her son.
He would help her, surely he would help her…
No!
Was she insane? Did she really thought to let Jaime be the father of her child?
Her own brother? Letting Stannis, her beloved husband, be a cuckold? Risking her marriage and her reputation? Shaming both Baratheon and Lannister?
Jaime wouldn't be the child anymore who would let her play with his little cock, he was the future Lord of the Rock, husband to Lysa Tully and father of two red haired sons.
He would pity her, he would refuse her, gently but firmly.
Cersei had to throw up imagining her humiliation.
She would have her son, she was still young and fertile, in this few moons without her family she would regain her strength and some weight.
She would conquer Kings Landing, she wouldn't just be the daughter of the King's hand, not only the daughter of Queen Rhaella's best friend, not only the wife of the King's cousin and Lord of justice, she would gain a place for herself.
She would piss on the stupid prophecy.
The time passed slowly, everything bored or annoyed her.
Going a few steps would let her pant like an old woman, everything tasted bad, wine was the only thing she craved, but the old Cressen wouldn't let her.
She suffered, but surely her family suffered more.
Than she received the raven.
First she read the letter from her mother. Lady Lannister didn't spare with the details how her Cassana had charmed the court. How she would play some board game with her grandad, her uncle Tyrion (Cersei cringed at the thought!), the King had wanted to play with her intelligent and ladylike daughter.
Prince Aegon was smitten by her.
Voices claimed she was be the best the Baratheon and the Lannister had ever create, the perfect future Queen.
Her Roberta was a willful, wild but very charming girl.
She had obtained the privilege to learn to fight with the sword and all the boys who were beaten by her had asked for her hand. She made a lot of friends, and her jovial mood was contagious even the King would be somehow cheerful when she was near.
Her mother thought that a match with Dorne would be great, Quentyn Martell were a perfect candidate, her Roberta would be a princess and she would have the freedom she needed.
Her little Myrella was the mascot of princess Rhaenys and her ladies, she would often ask about her mother well being, everyone had wanted to cheer her up. She looked so much like her poor mother in law, queen Rhaella loved to have her near.
The biggest surprise had been her father, if Cersei could believe her mother, he was proud of them and he showed this! A proud lion grandfather. Her sire, Lord Tywin...
Her father wrote to get well soon, that Cassana resembles her grandmother Joanna, not only in beauty but in wits. Roberta should have be born as a boy, but strangely enough they would get marriage offerts. He mentioned even little Myrella,a silent one, but clever.
He urged her to cure herself and to give her husband an heir, he would deserve it.
This was the Tywin Lannister she knew, he may be proud of his grandchildren, his daughter was only a broad mare.
Stannis wasn't the prickly man she married eight years ago anymore, but his letters were so formal and cold, even knowing, that he loved her, didn't help.
She cried.
Blessed with her father colors and her grandmother beauty.
Cersei hadn't be judged worthy enough to be a queen, not only by king Aerys, she remembered how her mother told her father she wouldn't be able to play the game of thrones.
But Cassana, her daughter, with her Baratheon/Targaryen/Lannister blood, her beauty and her smarts…
Her grandmother beauty...Cersei was as beautiful as her mother, maybe even more!
They treat her like she had be only be the cunt who pushed her, nothing more.
Lady Joanna had always wanted a Lannister-Dorne marriage and she thought she would let her Roberta go to the desert? Roberta was allowed to fight? There hadn't been any sword for Cersei!
Myrella her little turtle, she wanted to embrace her little girl so much.
Her sire! Of course in Tywin Lannister's eyes she would never reach her mother, but he admit that her children were remarkable...He could have spared her the mention of the heir, she didn't have a hour in her day when she didn't thought about! She had been almost dead, and her husband was away, how should she produce an heir?

Her mother had only had three children; twins and a dwarf, her lady mother shouldn't believe she was much better than her!
But she bore Jaime, Jaime was the difference between her mother and herself. Lady Joanna did almost die birthing the monster, but this happened after Jaime.
The cock made the difference. She could bore ten perfectly healthy and beautiful girls. Her mother with a dwarf a girl and Jaime would always surpass her.
Lady Joanna could be smug, after the mad King death, she had been queen Rhaella companion. She ruled over her husband and was respected and woo.
Cersei was only pitied.
Maybe she should have jump from the cliff. Stannis would mourn, working like crazy but he would see that Renly wasn't an option as a son in law, she would made this sure, and he would remarry.
The girls would live with her grandparents and father at King's Landing, they would live a perfect life and have royals husbands. She would have her peace of mind.
"You will have a boy, my Lady, a golden boy, radiant like the sun. He will love your husband and your husband will love him"
She couldn't sleep, she could have a son, maybe she wasn't flawed, maybe she just couldn't conceive with her husband!
Jumping from a cliff? She was a lioness and not a stupid doe!
What did her father wrote, to get her husband an heir, well she would be a good daughter and made his wish come true.
Maybe was Stannis too cold to get her pregnant with a boy. Cold like his letters. Jaime would do what she said, he did it as a boy, he would do this now. He had a cock and she was still beautiful, she could do this.
She would never be the poor frail Lady Baratheon, she would get her fucking golden twin to put his golden seeds inside her and she would get her golden son.
"Bugger them all!" she shouted drinking the forbidden wine.