June was always hard for Severus, not as hard as October, but still very painful. June wasn't the month that Lily had gone away from him forever (as he knew he'd never get to Heaven), but it was still a month full of loss and coldness despite the June sun shining on brightly with warmth that never reached him. Not that he'd ever done anything to deserve the small pleasure of warmth on his back. He'd spend all his life trying to right his wrongs, but he knew he'd never be able to do enough. Another pang shot into the heart he worked so hard on keeping guarded as the thought entered his mind. Regulus. Regulus had had the courage to breakaway, Regulus had been lucky enough to die a somewhat honorable death. Severus would never know such a mercy, and worse yet, Severus would never see his first male best mate ever again. Because surely the bookish, witty, man had repented and made it to Heaven.

It wasn't as if Severus hadn't repented. He was remorseful to this very day, a strong feeling he turned to anger toward himself. He could do all manners of great things, but it would never matter. He was flawed to the core and the darkness was deep within him, while Regulus had always had that spark in his soul, that little bit of him that knew how to be good.

Regulus would be 35 on the third. Regulus should be 35, because by all rights Regulus should be alive and he should have been the one to die. Severus closed his eyes, drawing the image up of the younger Black brother that last time he had seen him alive. The grey eyes on the young black-haired man's face had their twinkle back, surprising Severus to no end as for that last year they had slowly been losing their happy gleam. And they had talked and talked for hours over a bottle of firewhiskey, before Regulus simply said he had to go and take care of business. He had seemed so calm, so casual that Severus had let him go without much argument assuming that he simply had business in Diagon Alley. What a fool he had been. Sure his occlumency skills were not as strong as they were now when he was 19, but he should have been able to sense something was amiss with Regulus as his skills were still quite high. He should have never been drinking...he would have been able to save his mate if he hadn't clouded his brain with the drink.

He took a deep breath as he leaned back into his armchair in Spinner's end. Regulus hadn't needed saving. It was he who had needed it. Regulus had gone of to redemption. His eyes flashed opened as a painful thought forced its way into his reminescenting. Why hadn't Regulus taken him with? Had he known even then that Severus wasn't worth saving? Had he feared Severus would betray him? Had they never really been as close as Severus thought they were? That was the thought that haunted him, the thought that Lily and Regulus had never really loved him to begin with. That the two people of his childhood had just tolerated him. That he really was unloveable like his parents had insisted he was. And weren't they right?

If Lily and Reglus could see him now...if they could come down on this world for just a few moments, they'd hit him. They'd hex him. They'd make sure he knew just how disgusted they were with him, and why should they be? Why shouldn't everyone despise his very being when he himself did? For the life of him he could never understand how those two people ever saw the smallest trace of worth within him. His face twisted up as he fought back tears. He didn't deserve to feel this pain...he deserved much worse. Tears were self-indulgent...he'd take the stinging as he held them back, because it was nothing he hadn't deserved.

He blinked slowly. He had a few hours before an order meeting started, perhaps he should try and refocus his mind and channel it to the usual snark and anger. It was easier this way, because some tender fool (like Molly) would ask what was wrong if he didn't. And how could he even begin to explain? No, it was better to be angry now. Because he'd become accustomed to it and the rage wouldn't take over him completely upon seeing Black. Black...how he loathed the man. And it was not just for his childhood crimes against Severus, it was for the way that the man seemed to hold no sadness at all for his dead brother, nor the least bit of respect. Severus despised the man for the callous way he could bring up Regulus's death, as if Regulus happened to be just some boggart that he had banished. Didn't Sirius know how much Regulus wanted to be close to him? Sure, Regulus was not innocent in the matter, but he had made an effort at reconciliation. Severus could never forgive Black for turning his back on his brother, even if Regulus had joined in with the death eaters. They were family...and from what Severus was lead to believe, family was everything. Black could act as noble as he pleased, but the act would never fool Severus.

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Harry could hardly understand why Dumbledore had ordered Snape to come to the Order meeting early so he could have dinner with them all. Snape clearly didn't want to be there as all he did was glare and ignore his meal, and no one else wanted him there either. Especially Sirius.

"There will be one more guest joining us." Dumbledore announced simply, looking at a watch on his wrist in a slightly anxious manner. "They should be arriving shortly, though if I recall correctly, they never were very great at time-management."

"I assume you're not going to inform us on their identity." Snape drawled, looking unamused as always at the headmasters' eccentricities.

"What would be the fun in that?" Dumbledore asked, seeming to delight in irritating a great many at the table. "I find a good surprise is always-"

POP!

A loud appirating noise sounded from near the front of the house, and Harry waiting anxiously to see who might be joining them. Perhaps a friend of his parents? It was always nice to meet someone who knew of his mum and dad. Or perhaps someone with an exciting career, like Moody?

He didn't have to wait long until Mrs. Black's portrait starting screaming out obscenities in a rage Harry hadn't heard from her since Hermione had stepped foot in the place.

"YOU LEAVE MY HOUSE!" She screeched, surprising all in the room with her level of fury. "GOOD FOR NOTHING TRAITOR! HOW DARE YOU STEP FOOT IN HERE!"

"Won't you leave me be!?" A voice thundered, croaking and breaking in between words as if the user was not used to raising his voice.

"Sirius?" Harry was alarmed as Sirius's face had gone completely white and his eyes had widened to near comedic proportions. "Are you alright?" He quickly looked at Remus, but he seemed just as shell-shocked, and to Harry's confusion even Snape had turned whiter and seemed to sit stiffer in his chair. Who the hell could cause such a reaction?

Before long a man straggled into the dining room, his black hair knotted and slick with all sorts of filth. Coated in dirt and grime, Harry could scarcely tell what his skin color should be. The only distinguishing feature he could make out were the sparkling grey eyes that seemed oddly familiar. He stared, wondering what hell-hole this man had climbed from. He looked ten times worse than Sirius had when Sirius was on the run. Even now the pungent odor of decay and sweat filled the room, and no doubt could be attributed to the man dressed in the remains of a filth stained sweatshirt and a pair of ratty jeans. Disgusted, Harry couldn't help but notice the man was barefoot, his feet bleeding and nails yellow with neglect.

The room went silent and stared at the man who wobbled on his feet. With haunted eyes the man looked about the room, resting on Sirius for a good ten minutes despite the glare Sirius sent his way. It was only when the putrid smelling man locked eyes with Snape did anyone make any noise.

"Reg?!" Snape stood up quickly, his chair toppling over backward at the intensity. "You're...dead." Snape said stupidly, as clearly the man named Reg was standing there albeit a bit shaky. "I...hid your body away from Bellatrix..." Snape seemed unable to breath. "No." He shook his head curtly, his voice taking on a sharp edge. "What joke is this, Albus?" He demanded.

"No, it's me." Reg's voice cracked, and Harry flinched as the cup Sirius was holding shattered beneath his squeeze. "You gave me this on my twelfth birthday." The man put a hand out on the wall to steady himself as he dug into a pocket and pulled out a rope necklace, the rope tattered to the point that it was almost broken in several spots. It wasn't until Regulus moved his hand that Harry could it was a cross pendant, gothic in appearance.

"Anyone could know that." Snape clearly would not allow himself to believe that this man was alive, and Harry wondered if that would be the case if Ron died or Hermione. Would he be able to believe it immediately? Even if Dumbledore vouched for them?

Reg nodded slowly, much falling from his hair to splatter on the floor Molly had just scrubbed. "But, no one would know that it opens." The man held up the thin pendant, and Harry wondered how anything could fit inside it. "And what's on the inside."

"What is on the inside?" Snape demanded, still standing so stiffly it looked painful.

"A muggle photo of us at the arcade...You're...laughing at me in it, because you told me dress muggle and I didn't really understand what that meant. I looked like a fool..."

"Regulus!" Snape breathed, before rushing over to the man and yanking him into a hug much like Remus and Sirius had done in the shrieking shack when they had reunited. Regulus? As in Sirius's brother? Was that why Sirius looked so furious? Regulus wasted no time in throwing his arms around Snape and hugging back just as tightly. "You sonofabitch." Snape spat, suddenly pushing back Regulus and punching him on the jaw. Regulus did nothing, he didn't even bother to block the blow, as if he felt he deserved it.

"Sev...I deserve that." Regulus had barely managed to remain upright, and staggered backward to lean against the wall. "But please. Let me explain."