It was hot, too hot, kids were laughing, the smell of sunscreen and propane filled the air. It was summer alright.
Weekend Barbeques in the suburbs, the men adorned in loose Hawaiian shirts, while the women dolled themselves up in sundresses, everyone smiling, drinking, and telling stories. Roxas always found these get togethers to be absurdly trite.
"I wonder how they find solace in the cliché of it all?" Roxas thought to himself longingly, sitting beneath an umbrellaed picnic table, shading himself from the heat. "I wish I could."
Roxas yawned, a bit tired, even though it was only mid-afternoon his internal clock was still set in another time-zone. The move to New Mexico from 'Bumfucknowhere' Ohio was draining to say the least. To accommodate his sleepiness, he grabbed his aviators off the tabletop to shield his baby-blues from the harsh sunlight.
While lost in thought, Roxas felt a tap on his shoulder, turning to see his mother gleaming, a bit drunk but he didn't mind.
"Isn't this fun?" She sat down next to him, coral locks frizzy from the heat. "I hated having no neighbors, or anyone around for that matter."
Roxas' mother was a kind, outgoing, woman, at thirty-six she was still stuck in the mindset of a twenty-year old. Roxas knew everyone has their flaws, if you pine for perfection all you will get is hurt, and her good really did outweigh her bad.
His mother pulled him in close with one arm, he hadn't seen her with such a joyful aura since her last romantic plunder, aka the reason they went to and left Ohio.
"It's nice, pretty sure this place will cure my vitamin D deficiency." Roxas said, slinking away from her grasp a bit, it was too hot to be so touchy.
"Yeah, and maybe you'll finally get a tan." She quipped back, giving him a gentle pat on the back.
"Or the sun will lighten my hair even more, you always saw I'm not your child anyway."
His mother chuckled, reaching into her purse before retrieving a pack of cigarettes, looking over at the group of women smoking and drinking around a small firepit.
"Hey, can I get one of those?" Roxas asked before she could walk away again. His mother turned to face him completely, so no one could see what she was doing with her hands.
"Sure, but if you have to smoke it over there," She pointed to the east side of the property, where there was an incomplete fence he could stand behind. The last thing his mother wanted was for her new acquaintances to judge her for letting her sixteen-year-old son smoke. "Here take my drink too, I hate beer."
She handed him the cigarettes and beer underneath the table, and he gave her a 'Thank you.' With that, she was off again, trying to make new connections.
Roxas slipped the smokes into his pocket, and the unopened can and PBR in the other and made his stride across the yard quickly, no one taking notice of him. Behind the fence seemed to be someone else's driveway, no one was home though as there were no cars in it, he took no time in lighting it up the cigarette. Letting his mind drift with the smoke that poured out of his mouth, taking sips off his drink every few moments.
Roxas was content in watching the neighbor's kids play guns in the street, aiming tree branches at each other gleefully, only getting upset when someone would break one of their silly rules. "NO FAIR." A boy would squeal, it sort of reminded him of real warfare.
"Mind if I join you?"
Roxas jumped and dropped his cigarette, still holding his beer firmly, obviously startled by the very adult voice. He eyed the stranger, long florid strands of red hair framed his face, the rest was tucked behind him in a loose ponytail. He was dressed in a dress shirt, and slacks despite the heat, Roxas wondered what he did for a living but didn't want to be intrusive. The man was lanky, and had a gaunt yet somewhat handsome face.
He looked amused.
"Sorry, didn't you mean to spook you." The man said as Roxas snatched the still lit cigarette from his fingers, playing it cool as he puffed on it.
"No, no you're alright, man." Roxas blurted out, a sheepish smile gracing his own features somewhat staring at the man standing beside him as he leaned against the fence, and lit up a cigarette of his own. They stood there for a moment in silence, Roxas had no idea what to say, he was just happy he didn't realize how old he was.
"So, you here for the party?" The man asked, darting his green eyes toward Roxas inquisitively.
"Yea, are you?" Roxas returned the question, staring at his cigarette, trying to mask that he was slightly unnerved still.
"No," He trailed off a moment signaling toward the two-story suburban house. "This is my house, and well, my driveway. Not to worry, I don't mind the occasional teenage squatter." He chuckled, flicking some ashes off the end of his smoke.
"Well, I'm actually 21 at least so there's that." He lied defensively, hoping to gain some credit after basically using his property to smoke illegally.
The man chuckled again. "Got a name?"
"Roxas." He retorted. "And yours?"
"Axel."
They stood there in silence another moment, Roxas' cigarette burning out while Alex's was halfway.
"Well, I better get back to the party…It nice meeting you, Axel." Roxas blurted out, without giving him a chance to really respond besides the 'Yeah you too.' He heard from a distance, tossing the empty beer can in his neighbors hedge before he sauntered back over to the barbeque.
Roxas checked his watch, "Shit, it's only 6:30." He looked for his mother at the firepit, but she wasn't to be seen amongst the other wives, and winos. Roxas made his way around the yard, ducking and swaying to avoid the husbands and wives carrying around red solo cups filled with mixed drinks, running after their children telling them it was nearly time to go.
With no sign of her outside, he went into his neighbor's sunroom, through the kitchen to the downstairs bathroom. Inside he could hear sounds of splashing and guttural moans. The door was unlocked, so he walked inside to see his mother in a prayer position at the toilet, the smell of red wine and bile pungent in air.
"Honey is that you?" She groaned, unable to lift her head up to see him, before purging once more.
"Oh lord, she got way too drunk…"
"Mum, stand up and come with me…I'll drive us home…" Roxas spoke softly, grabbing her elbow to help her gain her balance as she stood. This was nothing new for the boy the handle, even with his lack of license he'd had to drive her home from the pub in Ohio quite a few times. She's always trying to keep up with her friends when it comes to drinking, and forgets she's a tiny lightweight.
They made their way out of the house, gaining a few looks from attendees outside, as Roxas held her up on one shoulder and brought her to the car. He set her down in the passenger seat, she was mumbling incoherent 'Thank yous' as he rolled down the window incase she'd need to puke again. Roxas was glad their new Volvo wasn't a stick, since he barely knew how to work one of those without stalling it.
Roxas proceeded to drive a quarter mile down the street, his mother passed out while the car rocked her to sleep. "Yeah she's kind of a fuck-up, but she's only human." He thought to himself as he pulled into their driveway. Their house wasn't as pretty as the others, whoever the previous owners were they didn't do much upkeep. Weeds grew through the cracks in the pavement of the driveway, beige paint was chipping off the side of the house. It was sad, the house had good bones but it was mistreated.
It was getting dark, but thankfully the porch light was on to illuminate the path inside. Roxas unbuckled himself and got out of the car, then went to go open the passenger side door. When he did, he could barely catch his mother before she fell on the ground, as she was leaning against the door. It took some effort but he managed to get her inside, he didn't have the life in him to take her all the way up to the second floor to her bedroom, so he settled for the couch. Plus, it was closer to the bathroom if she needed it anyways.
Roxas let a sigh escape his lips, looking at the boxes strewn around the living space. They still hadn't unpacked and this was the fourth day being there. His mother's procrastination he most definitely inherited.
"Nothing ever changes, except the scenery." This was their second time moving in the past year, it was sort of pathetic but his mother was his only friend now-a-days.
With that thought, he poured himself a glass of water before retreating for the night. When Roxas had heard the basement was furnished he took no time in claiming it. It was always so hot in the rest of the house, but the basement was always cooler naturally, plus he had a deadbolt on the door, like most teenagers he preferred his privacy. Right now it was pretty messy, he still hadn't put together the frame for his bed so he slept on a mattress on the floor. White Christmas lights were the only source of irradiation, and he starred up at them as he laid on his bed, pondering the 'What if's" until he fell asleep.
"What if Mum never finds love?"
"What if I don't like this new town?"
"What if I never find solace in the little things?"
"What is happiness anyway?"
