Wow... two fic in two days. I think my writers block is gone :) Yeah... Well anyway... this is my first Gx fic. I hope you like it

I see Syrus as being depressed and always down on himself... and so I decided to work with that. And once again there is no happy ending. It's more... bitter-sweet. I might write a sequel if I get good reviews.

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, Yu-Gi-Oh GX or any related characters.

This was written for entertainment only. I do not encourage self harm in any way and suggest that all who do it, seek professional help.

Rated M for, language, self mutilation, vague mention of drugs, slight incest, and yaoi. Syrus-centric. SyrusxZane

Chapter 1

Syrus' POV

Why am I always so depressed? And why does no one understand? Maybe I'm the one that doesn't understand. I grew up in a loving home and I had wonderful parents. Ok... maybe wonderful isn't the word for it. They fought constantly, rarely over me or Zane, but to a child, fighting is fighting. But they were pretty good parents otherwise. I got everything I ever asked for. My big brother Zane always looked out for my, like a big brother should. I used to get teased a lot in school, but I was still a happy child. Hmm... when did the depression start? High School? Middle School? It was middle school. I never let on that I was depressed though. I never let anyone see the "signs of depression." Although I would lock myself in my dark and cluttered room for hours at a time and talk on the phone or play video games. I didn't want anything to do with my family at that time.

Then I began high school. By this time, I thought that I was worthless and had no purpose. I wasn't particularly good at anything and had none of my friends from middle school. Jaden befriended me. He was the only one that I could open up to, and even so, I couldn't open up to him as much I would have liked to. I withheld all of my pain. Pain... Is that really what I was... what I am feeling? I've often wonder where these feelings came from? Am I really feeling pain or am I feeling nothing at all? I'm the one feeling it, and yet I can't put a name to it, or even describe it. "Depression." Depression is just a condition that has many symptoms. I guess my condition is depression, and the symptoms are the feeling that I cannot describe.

Anyway, It was in high school that I began to withdraw from people and social situations. I still had my close friends, but sometimes I didn't even like talking to them. I was so different, I felt like some sort of freak that stood out in a crowd of normalcy. Everyone was the same and I was different. I could never be one of them. Zane started to worry about me. He would come into my room late at night after our parents had gone to sleep and ask me what was bothering me. I never told him because I didn't know what to say or how to explain what my problem was without him trying to convince me otherwise. But none-the-less, he was persistent. He came to me every night. Sometimes we would talk, others he would just hold me and tell me that he was here for me. I couldn't bring myself to tell him anything. He was one of "them." One of the ones I could never be.

He told my mother that he was worried about me. She took me the doctor and he recommended that a see a therapist. Me in therapy? There was nothing wrong with me. I didn't have a mental illness. I wasn't schizophrenic. I wasn't thinking about suicide. So why did I need to see a therapist? I didn't know, but my mother made me go anyway. At first I hated it. How the hell was I supposed to open up to a stranger about my problems when I couldn't open up to my friends or even my own brother? But just when I got to liking therapy, I had to stop going because we couldn't afford it. Dad had just lost his job and I was left with no one to talk to.