Cora had been so worried about Edith. She knew there was more to her daughter's sadness then just Mr. Gregson's vanishing. Edith had been keeping to herself, well she had always done that, but she had been really distant lately. She had approached her daughter a few times before but she simple refused to confide with her. She seemed different. Even though she that this cloud of gloom hanging over her there was something new about her. She was taking so many trips up to London. She knew something wrong and she needed to find out.
Edith had found she was pregnant three months ago. She had wanted to just go tell her mother everything and be held but she had to many fears. She was afraid that her mother would hate for this. But more afraid of being hurt by someone she loved. That's why she had decided to go to Switzerland with Aunt Rosamund. Aunt Rosamund had arrived last night and they were going to tell them about their trip to Switzerland this morning at breakfast. Her entire life she had felt this hole when it came to her mother. At a very young age she felt that Mary and Sybil's lives were more important and that they needed Cora more than she did. So she became independent upon herself and soon became to hard to let people in or trust them. There was so much risk in trusting someone. She had finally come to just Anthony but then fell to ruins. That was the first day since she was a child that she had let her mother comfort her. And when her mother had held her that day she had felt so scared but at the same time she had felt a little piece of her stop breaking. That day she had realized that all she had ever wanted was her mother's love and now that she had felt what it was like she wanted it more than she ever had. But she was still terrified of opening up to someone in. To let someone see how truly broken she was.
"Remember we are going to Switzerland to improve my french and I want to take you with me." Rosamund grabbed Edith's arm and whispered to her.
"I know Aunt Rosamund we discussed it last night. I'm pregnant not an old person. I didn't forget it that quick." Edith said rolling her eyes.
"Well I just want to make sure we get this right. For your sake but more importantly for your child's sake." Rosamund replied walking into the room with others who had already come down.
Edith felt tears coming to her eyes. She didn't want to give her child up. She knew what it felt like to feel the emptiness of not knowing a mother's love. She didn't want that for her child. She blinked her tears away and entered the room.
Cora watched as Edith walked in room. She could tell that there was tears in her eyes. Her broke to know Edith was hurting and she couldn't help her. From a young age Edith had pushed her away. At first it Edith just stopped sharing her feelings with her. Then over the years Edith completely shut her out. She didn't cry in front of her, she didn't ask her for help, and she would never let Cora touch her. If Cora would even try to place a hand in a loving way on Edith, she would pull away. Cora was deeply hurt. She didn't know what she had done to hurt Edith in such a way that she would push her away like this. Edith always put Mary and Sybil before herself. She always made her problems seems so small. She had tried to fix things between her and Edith but she eventually gave up. She couldn't handle the pain of being rejected time and time again. Then a sad but wonderful day came. The day Edith was to be married to Sir Anthony. She was happy that for Edith. She hoped that maybe Edith would be able to open up to her soon to be husband. Her daughter was so strong and outgoing. She was independent and beautiful. Then Anthony left her standing at altar. Cora had felt her heart shatter at seeing the look on her baby's face. Cora had gotten up to embrace Edith but before she could, Edith ran out of the building. Cora had tears falling down her face as she watched Edith flee from the building. She had gotten in a car as fast as she could and headed home. She had practically ran up the stairs to her daughters bedroom. She had seen Edith's veil on the floor as she had been coming up the stairs. She could hear her other two daughters following her up the steps. As she got to her daughter's door, she had almost just walked in but she stopped. She knocked on the door, but just heard Edith's sob for a reply. She opened the door and saw Edith curled up in a ball on the bed as racking sobs overtook her body. She immediately told Mary and Sybil to leave the room knowing Edith wouldn't them seeing her like this. She knew Edith would probably just reject her but she couldn't resist. She walked over to the bed and laid herself over her daughter almost trying to shield her from everything that could ever hurt again. To her surprise Edith didn't reject her. She had excepted her love and let her comfort her. Then Edith had scooted even closer to her mother and had tightened her mother's grip around her small frame. She had put her head in Cora's chest and sobbed. Cora had never felt this happy before. Her baby wasn't just letting her hold her she wanted her to hold her. Cora held Edith as close as she could and stroked her head as she spoke soothing words. She had held Edith till she had fallen to sleep after hours of crying. Cora's heart broke for daughter. The next day she had tried to talk to and comfort Edith when she had come in her room to find her crying again but Edith had just pulled even further away from Cora then she had been before. She had dried her tears as soon as she had seen her mother and pulled away when Cora tried to hug her. Since that day Edith hadn't confided in her. She was a closed book, that no matter how hard Cora tried, she couldn't open.
Cora watched her daughter sit down next to Rosamund. Cora had noticed how close Edith had become to Rosamund and though she hated to admit it, it made her jealous. She hated that Edith could be so close to her Aunt but completely reject her. She watched Edith the entire breakfast. She saw that she barely got any food and looked paler with each bite she took. Then Rosamund announced that her and Edith were taking a sabbatical to Switzerland. This had her senses were going through the roof. She didn't believe for a minute that Rosamund wanted to improve her French. This trip was about Edith. She was going to get to the bottom of this before they left and if she had anything to do with it they wouldn't be going. She wasn't going to give up her daughter for a year.
Edith had felt her mother's eyes the entire breakfast. She hadn't dared to look up. She didn't know why her mother was staring at her but she hoped she hadn't guessed something was wrong. She kept her head down when Rosamund had announced their trip and left the room as soon as breakfast was over. Edith had grabbed her coat and went to the gardens. She felt trapped in there. She always had to put on a facade and it just felt like to much. She walked till she felt she would drop from grief. She sat on the nearest bench and just let her tears fall. She was so tired of being alone. She knew that with this child she wouldn't have to be alone, but she knew keeping it wouldn't be possible. She couldn't let family be overcome by such scandal. She cried till she had so more tears and then dried her face and put her facade back on. Little did she know that someone was watching her.
Cora had gone to her room straight after breakfast and thought about how she would confront her daughter. She had to get Edith in place where she couldn't escape. She had looked out her window and saw Edith sitting on a bench crying. All she wanted to do was rush out there and wrap her arms around her baby but she didn't want to risk anything. She was going to wait till Edith was heading to bed and speak to her in room. She continued to sit there and watch Edith cry. Edith was strong in front of people. She smiled and never showed any sign of being in a hard place. She had the best facade Cora had ever seen but as a mother she could see through it. She could the pain the would flood Edith's eyes when no one looking. She could see the way her shoulders would drop, like the weight of the world was on them, when no eyes were on her. She could she the look of being overwhelmed come over her the way her breathing would get heavy when she was by herself or though she was by herself. She wanted to help her daughter to very much. But she didn't know what to do. She looked down Edith and saw her eyes go blank as she wiped her tears and stand up. She watched Edith till she was out of sight. Cora let her tears fall as she thought about the pain Edith must being going through.
The day passed with little to no excitement. Rosamund had made a list of things Edith would need for the trip and then had headed back to London.
Everyone made there way out to the front to say goodbye to Rosamund.
"Goodbye my dear brother." Rosamund said kissing Robert on the cheek.
"Goodbye Rosamund." Robert responded.
As she made her way down the line Cora noticed that Rosamund took a little longer saying goodbye to Edith and that she was talking a little bit quieter. Cora was glad Rosamund was leaving so that Edith didn't have someone to hide behind and Rosamund wouldn't get a chance to interfere.
"Cora?" Robert called as they all were heading back in inside.
"Yes darling?" Cora replied.
"Does Edith seem different to you?" Robert asked.
"What do you mean?" Cora responded.
"I don't exactly know. Something just seems different about her." Robert then walked away and headed to the library.
Cora went to the study to write to some old friends and stayed there until the gong was rung.
"I'm planning on running up to London tomorrow for a few things." Edith stated pushing her food around on her plate.
"What things?" Cora asked as she watched Edith push her food around for the second time that day.
"Just this and that." Edith replied not looking at her mother.
"Could I come with you?" Rose piped in.
"I don't think so." Edith replied immediately.
"Why not?" Rose asked whining.
"Because I said so. That's why!" Edith said rather loudly, getting angry all the sudden.
"Well there is no need to be harsh Edith." Mary said looking rather shocked at Edith's outburst. Edith was never one for being loud at dinner.
They sat there in silence, only the sound of forks on plates, few a minutes. Then Edith stood up rather fast and said, "I have a headache plus I have to get up rather early so if you will excuse me, I am going up to my room." Edith then swiftly walked out of the room.
"What's her problem?" Mary asked rather snobbishly, as she continued to eat her food.
"Mary for once in your life you should stop being such a snob to your sister! Have stopped and thought that maybe she was going through things you never had to deal with. You should stop and take a lesson from her. She could probably teach a thing a two." Cora was fuming as she stood up and walked out as well.
"Well that was sure one hell of a dinner." Robert said once Cora left the room.
"You're telling me." Mary replied.
Cora knocked on the door to her daughter's bedroom and heard a soft 'come in.'
"Hello my darling," Cora said smiling at Edith.
"Ma'ma. What are you doing up here?" Edith asked automatically putting on a facade.
"I just wanted to check on you." Cora said taking note of the wall Edith had just put up. Edith could could put up a wall but Cora could see through it. She just saw her little girl hurting deeply.
"Well that was nice of you, but I promise I am fine." Edith said, trying to make this as quick as she could. Edith then turned and started putting a few
things in her bag.
Cora stood there watching her daughter carefully. She watched as her daughter turned her back to her and started laying a few things out on the bed. "My darling please tell me what's wrong?" Cora said almost pleading. Cora saw her daughter's body go stiff almost immediately.
Edith swallowed the lump in her throat and quickly starting packing again. "What do you mean?"
"Edith Crawley you know exactly what I mean. Did you honestly think I wouldn't notice how much pain you were going through. I am your mother." Cora said taking a step closer.
Edith took a sharp breath in at her mother's words. Edith knew her facade was dissolving quickly. She stood up straight and turned around. As soon as she saw the hurt but loving look on her mother face, all her walls came crumbling down. Tears filled her eyes and she took a shuddering breath. In this moment she felt like all the pain she had been pushing back hit her with all the force she had. Tears started to poor down her cheeks and put her head in her hands as she sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Oh my baby." Cora said she rushed over and sat down by daughter and threw her arms around her. To her surprise Edith embraced her back as she through her head into her chest and just sobbed. "Shhh my darling." Cora said trying to soothe her.
"Oh ma'ma." Edith barely managed through her racking sobs.
"It's okay sweet heart. I am right here." Cora said kissing her daughter's head and tightening her arms around her. "I'm right here."
Edith continued to sob in Cora's arms as she came to terms with everything had been invading her life. Cora just held her and murmured soothing words and stroked her hair till the sobs turned to tears.
"Will you please tell what is wrong? And I know this is more then just Michael's vanishing." Cora said softly.
"If I tell you then you will hate me." Edith continued to cling to her mother.
"My darling nothing you could ever say or do could make me hate you." Cora kissed her head.
"You might retract that statement pretty soon." Edith choked.
"What has caused you so much pain and why are you taking a trip to Switzerland."
"I am taking a trip to Switzerland to take care of my pain." Edith replied.
"What do you mean?" Cora asked, utterly confused.
"Ma'ma...I'm pregnant." Edith said with a shaking voice as drew back from her mother's arms to look her in the eye.
"You're what?" Cora asked shocked, although quite a few things were making sense now.
"I am pregnant." Edith repeated.
Cora just looked at her daughter dumbfounded. "I am guessing this is Michael is the father."
"You are correct." Edith said looking done ashamed. "I know you hate right now and will probably never forgive me but please help me?"
"Darling I do hate you. I am a bit shocked but I do not hate you." Cora said lifting Edith's chin.
"So will you help me?" Edith asked as tears once again streamed down her face.
"Of course I will." Cora wiped the tears of Edith's face and the kissed her forehead. "For you my darling, I would do anything."
