Feli pressed a hand to his stomach, and bit his lip. The bumb forming was hard, and definitly not fat. The Italian let out a soft gasp as something kicked. He looked up sharply, at his reflection in the mirror.
"Mio dio..." He whispered, and he shivered. The warm bedroom suddenly felt cold; the hearth blazing with thick flames suddenly fading. He shook his head, and pressed his hand tighter against his olive skin.
He looked at the bed in an intense want of its invitation to warmth and comfort. Different to this. Completely different to this entire situation.
He almost wanted Ludwig with him, although he knew the German would offer the most akward of comfort. Thats not what he wanted. He wanted it to go away.
He wanted a child; of course he did. The very thought made him happy. But this was different. He was with child, and he knew only half of it was him and Ludwig.
"Will it be a child?" He whispered to himself, face contorting into pain. The very idea made him scared, worried. He felt sick, and somethig told him it wasn't because of the... Thing inside of him. It was the fear, the deep clench in his heart, in his stomach, in his throat.
He breathed in deeply, and closed his eyes. He hadn't meant to do this. He really hadn't meant to. He didn't want this. It was just a stupid thing. He was a stupid thing. And now he had ended up with child.
"Stupid..." He whispered, "Idiota." He took his hand of his stomach and moved it to his eyes, Wiping then in rage. "Oh god..." He opened his eyelids wide, "Ludwig..." The Italian's small legs threatened to lock at this new, horrendous thud of fear ran through his body like a bullet through the head.
What would his German lover say? He didn't want children. He didn't like them. He would know something was wrong with Feli; he always knew. Ludwig was going to kill him. Leave him. The stronger man would rage, slam his fist against the wall. He would ask questions, questions Feli couldn't answer. He would want to how, and why... The Italian felt his knees give out, and he fell to the floor in a distressed heap.
The blazing fire made him feel sick. He was sweating, yet he felt so cold. His body shook with every deep, panicked breath. He placed a hand in his stomach once again. "Mi bambino..." He whispered, "Non..." He let out a small scream of rage. "I don't want you."
What was he going to do? His lover would be back in a week. And there was no doubt that Ludwig would want to know why the Italian had gained weight in such a small amount of time.
He was trapped. Nothing good would come of this. He was ladelled with something he didn't need. He didn't want. He was to be the mother of a thing with two other parents. One being Ludwig, and the other... Feli stopped cold.
He didn't know.
He was bad.
And just what was Ludwig going to say...?
It had only been a month since he asked the German if they could have a child. Feli put his head in his arms. It wasn't fair. He was upset. He was angry. He knew Ludwig wouldn't want a child when he asked.
*Flash back*
The Italian never liked Ludwig's office; it was bleak and old and full of boring things that were meant to teach you.
It reminded Feli about how this ws his lover's world, and that it wasn't a place he himself was allowed to peak into. Ludwig had mafe it very clear on the first day he officially moved in that he was not to meddle in the German's work.
However, after a particularly painful session whilst hild-minding, the Italian had to ask. He couldn't deny the fact that a child is all he wanted.
The thought of a little baby in his arms, giggling and reaching out with pale, chubby hands made him feel estatic. The image of them helping out with cooking and painting, and then playing sports in the back yard with Ludwig after he got back from work, made hin excited. He knew they could do it, all three of them.
But, there was a problem. He would have to ask Ludwig. The thought scared him slightly. The German wasn't good with dealing with stuff like that, and the reality of Ludwig saying 'no' loomed over him.
But, if his lover saw how much it meant to him... How much he craved the thought of holding a babe up to his chest, feeding them softly, Ludwig behind the two, rocking them and whispering sweet nothings. There was no way Ludwig could dislike that thought!
Feli looked at his German, who was reading a book intently, his usually stern face convying amusment. Feli blinked a few times, not believing his luck; Ludwig was happy. Now was the best time to ask.
The Italian smiled, and walked over to Ludwig's lap, sitting on it. The German grunted in response, and one of his hands went onto Feli's thigh. He didn't look at Feli; in fact, he stayed looking at the book.
The Italian didn't mind. He knew the German wasn't likely to put the book down for him, so he just sat, stumbling over the words in the book. The long, life-sucking words stretched throughout the crisp page, and by the time Feliciano finished stumbling over a paragraph, his heqd blocking half the words because they weren't familiar, Ludwig turned the page.
The Italian looked over at the desk, wondering what the German had been doing. He looked at the German words that had been inked out thickly, all of the words the same height and distance apart.
Feli shook his head slightly; writing was a weak point for him, too. He could do it well in Italian, but if I wished to write to Ludwig then the words had to be in English.
That made him flustered. He would be frantically thinking of the masculine way of saying a word, only to realise, half-way through his mild panic-attack of 'I don't know how to do this, oh God I've disappointed Ludwig!" that brave was brave for both and then he'd get irratated. So, by the three hours of sitting on the living room floor, paper and pens and envalopes and stamps surrounding him, all that would be inked onto the final piece of A4 paper would be: 'Luddy I miss you. Ti amo.'
Feli leaned against the German's back, listening to the other's strong heart-beat. He hands were limp at his sides, and he looked at them intently.
He woukd be more than happy to look after a baby with those hands; clean them; dress them; feed them; snuggle them close during a thunder storm. Oh yes, the Italian would love that.
Ludwig finished the chapter, and put it down gently on the desk, glancing briefly at the writing. He gave an approving nod, and then turned to Feliciano.
"What is it you want, Feliciano?" He asked, looking at the Italian expectantly. Feli put on a small giggle, and snuggled into Ludwig.
"I wanted to huggle my big strong Luddy!" He giggled, wrapping his arms around the German's chest. Ludwig sighed, and slowly put his arm around the small Italian.
"Could you not have waited until seven?" He asked. Feli glanced at the clock.
"It's half-past..." He said, and he laughed, "Silly Luddy. No more home work time! It's Feli time!" He exclaimed, kissing the German's cheek.
Ludwig looked at the clock in surprise. "Sorry," He said, "I must of got caught up." He gave Feli a small smile.
"It doesn't matter," He whispered, and he looked over at the beer cabinet in the corner of the room. "Does Ludwig want a drink?" He asked, cuddling into the German.
Ludwig nodded, "Ja...yes, I would," He said. Feli smiled, and jumped off Ludwig's lap. He went over to the cabinet, amd pulled out a glass bottle with odd-looking lettering on the blue base. He frowned, not liking the smell at he opened it. He Ludwig could drink something with brown and bitter bewildered him.
Wine was always his weakness. The delicious fruit taste mixed with sugar made him gulp the liquid whenever he was near it.
Feli took a glass, and poured some of the beer into it, his nose srunched. Once it was full half-way, he put the lid back on, and placed it back in. He glanced at the books, and saw one familliar. He frowned, and thought for a moment. It took him a few seconds to realise he was reading in Itailian.
"You have one of my books," He said, pulling it out from it's tightly packed shelf. He read the title, and squealed in delight, "Oh, it's 'Non, bambino!'." He exclaimed.
Ludwig looked at Feliciano for a moment. "Take it to your book shelf in the living room later, Feliciano." He said. Feli nodded, and tucked it under his arm.
He took the drink to Ludwig, and placed it in the desk. Ludwig instantly moved to his lips then the coaster.
Feli sat back on Ludwig's knee, and he held the front cover up for the German to see. "Look, the bambino is crawling through a circus!" He exclaimed, "Isn't that cute?"
Ludwig sighed, "Yes, it is." He said. Feliciano frowned, and flicked to the first page. "Look, isn't the baby cute? Rosy cheeks, tufts of hair, wide eyes!" He exclaimed, and stroked his finger along the page.
Oh, he wanted a baby like that. A small baby, needing his soft touch to be comforted. He would be such a good papa. and Ludwig would be a vati.
Ludwig sighed again, "Ja, very cute." He looked at Felciano, "Would you like to watch a movie downstairs, or go into bed...?" He asked, stretching slightly. Feli shook his head.
"It's not working..." He mumbled. Ludwig looked at him. "Was is it?" He asked, frowning. Feli took in a breath.
"Luddy," He began, getting out of his lap, "Luddy, I want a baby."
"No." Ludeig replied instantly, eyes narrowing. Feli looked at Ludwig pleadingly. "Please, Luddy! We can-"
"I said no, Felciano!" He yelled, and Feli eyes averted. He wiped the tears away.
"I-I... just want a baby, Ludwig. Please, I'll be a good papa." He whispered. Ludwig stood up to full height. He made Feliciano look up at him by grasping his chin and moving it up.
"You can barely look after yourself, you idiot. And we can't just adopt a child like that." He scolded sternly. "I don't like children, Feliciano."
Feli looked at Ludwig with wide-eyes, hurt by others words and actions.
"Please... We can sort something out." He pleaded, "I can look after a baby! Please, it would mean the world to me!" He continued. Ludwig snarled.
"You are not good enough to be a parent." He said, and he let Feliciano go. Feli shook his head.
"Why would you say that?" He whispered, "W-why..." He closed his eyes, and wrapped his arms around himself.
Ludwig stared at Feliciano, stilling frowning. "Leave me. Go to a different room." He said, sitting back down in his chair. Feli sniffed. "Now!"
The Italian looked at Ludwig. "You've hurt me..." He whispered. "I'm going to leave you here, Ludwig... I'm going out." He said, storming to the door.
Ludwig didn't watch as Feli did this. "Fine." He said, re-reading his work and scribbling out words.
"I only asked for a family with you." The Italian whispered, and he ran out of the room.
Ludwig glanced at the door, and then at the letter he had written. "Schiße..." He said. The letter was meant to be sent to a ring maker in the centre of Berlin.
He had blown it. But wasn't going to have a child. "But now I've ruined the chance of an engagement..." He whispered.
He couldn't have a child. Feliciano would realise soon enough, he thought.
*end*
Feli looked at the clock. Ludwig would be ringing him soon. Feli wiped away his tears. "I didn't want a baby like this..." He said.
The Italian stood up, and looked at his body. He looked fat. He looked pale... He was carrying a monster inside him.
A/N: This is not a normal mpreg. England did not give him a potion for a uterus. The baby is progressing faster than usual for a reason. It will make sense as you read. Enjoy.
