Love is weird.
The first time I saw him, he frightened me. I was vulnerable, and he seemed to know that. In fact, I know he did. He was fascinating. He took my breath away. That feeling in the pit of my stomach startled me and thrilled me at the same time. I knew falling for him would mean certain heartbreak. I thought our relationship was doomed.
Of course, I think all of this all of this snuggled up to him as he sleeps. No matter how many obstacles life throws at us, amazingly, we are always able to pull through. Loving him is no easy thing. We are caught in this strange twilight zone, too weak by ourselves and too strong for each other. After all of this time, through every fight, every kiss, every hazy summer sunset, I know I need him. He is my rock to hold onto when the storms of life blow in full force.
He is the only one that truly knows me. He understands me more than I understand myself. He taught me what real love is. He taught me to dream. He taught me to watch my steps. He taught me life; and now we travel this road together.
When I look at him I can still feel our first kiss, feel my anger burn, and strangely, picture our future. We are not the couple everyone thinks is simply too cute. We aren't the couple that scream at each other in public either. My friends and everyone at the Institute know full well that we often don't agree, but they also know we are meant for each other. Life with him is exhausting. Life with him is an adventure. Life with him is… right.
He is very different from the angry sixteen year old he was when I met him. He is no longer impulsive, a troublemaker, or bad tempered. He has matured into a strong young man. I have went from an innocent, happy little girl to a strong young woman. We both have fire inside of us, and sometimes those flames meet and rage higher. I used to think we would never last because of this, but a while back I realized that our fire combined only make us stronger.
He is the other half of me. I would be incomplete without him. For a long time I denied actually loving him, claiming that I just really liked him. I was not the girl that claimed she loved her current boyfriend the day after he asked her out. Love is so much more. My definition of love includes feelings and words like trust, happiness, promise, and forever.
He moves slightly and grumbles incoherently next to me. I brush his thick brown hair off of his face and smile slightly. He works very hard to support us, and I think I am sometimes guilty of forgetting that. I get up, careful not to wake him, and walk silently into the kitchen. I twist the wedding band on my finger as I sift through a pile of new bills that came in the mail today. We moved out of the mansion a little over two years ago when we got married. My parent died several years ago and his have been gone all of his life, so we opted for an extremely small wedding, and the professor helped us buy this small cape cod on the outskirts of Bayville.
I sigh and walk down the hall into the first bedroom. The yellow walls looked washed out in the moonlight coming in from the single window on the far wall of the room. I walk to the crib and gently touch the head of our five month old daughter. Her small features appear so peaceful in the dark. A single tear slips down my cheek as I stroke the fuzz on top of her head. I have no idea how we will ever provide a normal life for this child.
I pick her up out of the crib and rock her gently in my arms, humming an old Hebrew lullaby my mother used to sing to me as child. I lean in and softly kiss her forehead, breathing a promise to her.
Never before in my life have I felt so helpless. Never before in my life have I felt so content. I am well aware that life will not get easier from here, but a small part of me eagerly anticipates what is yet to come, good and bad. My father once told me that as long as you love someone dearly, there is always hope. Considering I love two people, I think I'll be fine. Somehow this weird love will get us through.
