A/N I love this couple so much but the idea of what would happen if this situation arose stuck in my mind and I'm afraid I had to write this or go mad, please don't flame me to badly for this, I wrote it purely for my own enjoyment. Anyone who reviews will get a huge kiss, a hug and a cookie but no pressure folks :D
Also the characters are not mine and belong to the master mind Terry Pratchett who I hope doesn't mind me playing with his toys.
I have to go, Angua thought wildly as she ripped clothes from her wardrobe with a force so strong that the old wooden hangers snapped with a load crack and the broken ends landed with soft thuds onto the sanded wooden floor. Through the thick brown blinds the moons rays spread slyly across the carpet – luminous fingers stretching out eagerly to flick her metamorphic switch. Hurriedly, Angua pulled out one of the few dresses that she had managed to accumulate in her years on the "Job" and threw it into the tiny bag lying open on her bed.
Thoughts that she just did not want to think about at the moment, none the less, solidified in her head and marched across her inner eyes and paraded the memory again and again and again.
Angua smelt Carrot come into the station long before she saw him but anyone could have told her that he was nervous. His permanent outline of soap was distorted today by a pervasive nervousness that she had only smelt on him once before. The night – that first night – a faint smile flashed onto her face, and the dwarf at the opposite desk that had been idly sucking the end of his quill while waiting for inspiration to come to him about where the next comma went, shivered for a reason he couldn't understand.
Angua felt Carrot enter the room and looked round to ask what had happened but the look on his face stopped her in her tracks. He smelt worried but his face was set in a determined expression that made her spine freeze. Carrot took a big breath and said loudly;
"Sergeant Angua, could I speak with you a moment please?" The question had mixed results. Angua saw Cheery, who was sitting at the duty sergeant's desk; snap her head up to look at Carrot her face wearing a huge smile and a few of the other officers nudge one another. Fear pooled in Anguas stomach as Carrot took her hand in front of everyone and guided her down the hall and into the interview room.
The room was cool and had been empty for a few hours now so that the air was barely painted with strange scents. The only window was closed but the darkening sky signalled the end of the day and her shift. Carrot smelt calmer now they were alone and she watched relieved as her smiled at her. He dragged his hand through his orange hair and looked her straight into the eyes – blue to amber.
"Angua – I… well first of all I want you to know that I love you. And we've been together for some time and I think its time I did the right thing. Normally I would ask your parents permission but… well circumstances cant allow this but I have written to my parents and they have given their Ayes, although my mother was disappointed they couldn't come up to do the Grychzyrg'd, my mother had the sparring baguettes all set up. I love you Angua Von Uberwald and I want to ask you to be my… to be my wife. " Angua didn't say, what are you talking about? She didn't say anything; her body froze at the words from her nightmares. No, no, no. He can't do this; I don't want him to do this. Really? Came an unbidden voice, you haven't thought about this every now and again? When he's asleep and you can't stop yourself imagining yourself in a stupid dress with mister Vimes giving you away and Cheery and Sally in stupid dresses. Haven't you just once every now and again looked into his eyes and imagined red and blond babies with those same steady orbs? Honestly haven't you wanted this just a little bit? Angua answered herself because if you couldn't be honest with yourself you couldn't be honest at all. Yes, she had thought these things a few times and she had sometimes imagined futures that she knew she couldn't have. Because she was a werewolf and werewolves don't have these kinds of endings. His eyes watched her face expectantly and she knew what she wanted to say, but she had to say no. Of course she did, he couldn't honestly believe it would work out. She should never have come back after the business with the Dwarfs and her family. Should have but didn't because she was his and she didn't want to leave him. However after this she had to go and she'd have to go so far away that she wouldn't keep seeing those blue eyes.
Angua hadn't realised she'd stopped, her arms still holding the brush that she had grabbed from the brown dresser in a frenzy. She had screamed the "No!" so loudly the people standing outside the door with huge smiles outside the door had heard and had begun muttering. Angua had pushed the door and then through the would-be well wishers, as soon as she hit the main doors she started running to fast for anyone but Sally to chase her. Angua had managed to lose her quickly and then double back to her lodgings where upon she had begun packing straight away. She couldn't go home but there were places in Genua and Quirm where a fast thinking woman could make a place for herself and no-one would have to know what she was. She could go anywhere and be anything. Anything but Captain Carrots wife, whispered her treacherous mind. Angua dropped the brush into the bag just as the front door opened and Angua heard the voice that ran through her head. He had said I love you, he'd never said that before not even when they were alone, but then again neither had she.
Her fingers curled in anticipation fight or flight? The window was small but it could be accessible to the wolf, fight or flight? His heavy tread on the stairs were like knocks on a coffin. Fight or flight? Fight.
Carrot knocked on the door quietly and she smelt pain and anger. She should say something but the words weren't going to come out. There was a pause and she thought he might just leave and then she could run and tell herself it was fate but… the door knob turned and the door opened. He walked in quietly his eyes holding her own without saying a word, his face unreadable. Unconsciously her shoulders tensed in anticipation of harsh words.
"Angua-"
"Look Carrot, I'm sorry alright but I can't stay here with you. I have to go, please don't make this harder than it has to be" her voice was strong but it didn't seem to make any difference to him, his face didn't change sometimes she didn't have any idea what was going through his mind. There was the shortest of pauses before he moved he didn't say anything just took her hands which had begun to zip the small bag and pulled her to stand up.
"Carrot, you know it wouldn't work. I should have left years ago but things needed to be done but now… now I have to leave before things get harder." He still didn't say anything and Angua watched as her lent forward and kissed her forehead.
"Carrot, I have to go." He watched her speak and frowned faintly then lent forward again for another kiss this time on her chin. Angua felt her body stutter.
"Don't do this. I'm a werewolf what did you think was going to happen, really? You knew this was never going to be permanent." But she had, every now and again, would it have really been that bad?
Carrot stared at her and kissed her lips lightly, he still hadn't said anything yet. He always found a way in, and he was so close. Her world was full of Carrot and she couldn't get the image of him at the end of small Gods alter smiling at her in some white monstrosity.
"Carrot, please, I have to go" The conviction was gone and her voice sounded slightly panicked. Her gut clenched and she felt bile rise as the cross roads crashed down on her. Leave and go away from Ankh-Morpork, her friends, her Carrot. Stay, be her mates wife, life would continue as it had. The decision seemed easy but the answer was not. She wanted so much to stay but she couldn't… could she?
"Carrot I have to...I can't…" Carrot watched the conflict across her face in silence and then kissed her again this time it was slightly more forceful and he took her left hand gently.
"I would like you to marry me, Angua. I love you." She felt the small box in her hand but refused to look down, she looked at his eyes. Blue against amber again. The words 'I can't' framed themselves in her mouth but were stopped by another kiss.
"Marry me?" The hand that put the box into her hand squeezed it gently again and her heart hummed. Don't do it! Do it! Don't! Do! Yes! No! She looked into his honest face, at the features that she had traced so many times, at the man that could be hers.
He leaned forward and kissed her a fifth time but this time it was desperate and she realised that he was as unsure as she was in what was going to happen next.
"Do you love me?" this question was scarier than anything else she'd heard so far. No! Yes! She couldn't say it, couldn't make it real. If she left without saying it she could maybe kid herself into thinking she hadn't, if she said it now, that would be the end she wouldn't be able to leave, it would be giving up. He kissed her again and she couldn't stop herself from kissing back. Her mind fizzed as the future that she shouldn't even think about danced its number across it; husband, babies. It hurt as she realised how much she wanted it.
"Angua, do you? Will you?" The urge to run was crippling but he was so close how could she leave? The answer was a hoarse whisper when it came, but at least she said it,
"Yes, I love you… I will… I will marry you." There was pause, the terror at what she'd admitted breaking her, and she needed to know she'd done the right thing. The pause dragged on and then Carrots face split into a relieved smile.
This time she kissed him and he let out a little sigh of happiness that seemed to push the air back into her lungs and dislodge the lead that had place itself in her stomach. The hand that held the ring held tighter to the box. Well, she thought, every girl likes jewellery.
It was morning but Angua didn't want to wake him. The sun had risen in the sky and the city was awake but her room remained sleepy and content. His arm lay across her waist and held the hand that now wore the thin gold band, an image mirrored on his own fourth digit. The wedding had been a nightmare but it was worth it. She turned around to look at his face. Mine. Smiling faintly, Angua Ironfoudersson burrowed deeper under the covers and went to sleep. Today, she thought, the world could go hang.
