Title: Pushing Through

Summary: When Killer Frost stabs him in the leg again, Barry is left to push through the pain to help those he loves. When it's time to slow down, his friends are there to care for him. Barry whump. Tag to 3.20 "I Know Who You Are".

Rating: PG-13, just like the show itself

Disclaimer:I own nothing of The Flash, incl. it's characters, actors, writers, or plots. There is some dialogue, some scenes really, that are directly from the show. I claim no credit for that whatsoever and if something sounds familiar, you now know why.

2) Also, I am not medical professional - I'm a whumper. So if the pain seems overdone and the care isn't medically correct, refer to that statement :)

Author's Note: In "I Know Who You Are", Killer Frost stabs Barry in the leg with an ice sickle. It's always bugged me that the first time that happened, we got to see Barry slowly recover from it but this time he was fine in the next scene. So I rewrote it to make me feel better.

2) A BIG shoutout to my betas: water4willows and NickNikki, without whom, this fic wouldn't be nearly as good. Seriously, if you need someone to beta your The Flash fanfic - pm them!

oOo

It was always hard for Iris to sit behind in the cortex while Barry raced off into danger. He may have been doing this for almost three years but Iris had only been aware of it for two. At first she had been too angry with him and too concerned for her father to really worry about what might happen to him while he was out there. She had also been under the impression that nothing could harm him because she still thought of him as The Flash more than Barry Allen. And superheroes were invulnerable, right?

Over time Iris had begun to realize that Barry was merely making things up as he went along, pretending to have a clue because others had needed him to. He got hurt often, but thanks to his healing abilities the injuries didn't tend to last for very long; the physical ones at least. The emotional wounds took far longer to heal and tended to make the biggest impact for him, especially if someone else was hurt because of him.

Knowing that Barry was going up against Caitlin, a.k.a Killer Frost, only made Iris more anxious. It would be hard for Barry - or Cisco for that matter - to strike at her because they still saw her as their friend. While Iris could understand that, she also recognized that whatever that girl did, she wasn't doing it as Caitlin Snow; she was Killer Frost all the way. She heard Barry make a plan with Cisco and she prayed that the scientist could do what needed to be done, for everyone's sakes.

When Barry cried out in pain, she knew that Cisco hadn't been able to act against Frost. She hoped that Barry was alright but she didn't dare ask. Ever since being brought into the fold, Iris had learned that one of Barry's biggest enemies was the cold; more specifically, anything that could reach absolute zero. Iris didn't know if Frost could reach that temperature, but she wouldn't put it past her.

Barry's second cry of pain was louder and longer, as though he were hurting worse this time. Iris reached for the mic, her instincts pushing her to ask if he was okay and what was happening. She heard him talking to Frost, trying to convince her that Caitlin was still inside her somewhere. Iris didn't have to hear Frost's reply to know that she'd said something to the contrary because Barry immediately began calling her name, "Cait! Cait" He stopped with another cry and then stayed quiet, apparently trying to breathe through the pain.

"Barry!" Irish called through the mic now that the danger had passed for the moment. "Barry, what happened?"

"We didn't stop her," he answered through, what she believed was, clenched teeth. "Brand is safe for now."

"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned by the pain she heard in his voice.

"She stabbed me again."

He paused long enough to let out another cry, making Iris's heart rate go sky high. "Just stay still, okay," she coaxed. "Is Cisco anywhere around?"

Another pause, this one filled with his uneven breathing. "Yeah, he's coming now."

Iris nodded, immediately realizing that he couldn't see her. "Okay. I'll see you when you guys get here." She didn't know how badly Frost had hurt Barry but Iris was willing to bet that he'd be arriving with Cisco rather than streaking into the cortex first.

There was silence and then the comm. link disconnected. She assumed that Barry had done the same thing that she had - nodded rather than replying. At least, she hoped he had. She hadn't liked hearing him in such pain, but since she couldn't do anything about that right now, Iris settled for sitting back in the chair and staring at the spot where Barry's suit would hang. Her part would come soon. For now, all she could do was wait.

oOo

A million things were flashing through Cisco's mind as he stood frozen - no pun intended - in place. Images of Caitlin kept reinserting themselves in his mind, interrupting his train of thought and making him unable to move. He couldn't believe that she had just tried to kill him. Of course, he knew that it hadn't been Caitlin who had acted - it had been Killer Frost. But even so, Cisco never believed that she would have tried to hurt him. Was she that far gone?

In the time it took him to get control of his body again, Killer Frost had walked down to where Barry had fallen after taking the hit that had been meant for Cisco. The ensuing cry of pain from his friend told him that Frost had done something to Barry. Given her penchant for pointed spears made out of ice, Cisco assumed that she had stabbed the speedster but he wasn't going to be positive about that until he went and checked on Barry himself.

A second cry had him going to Barry without further delay. When he reached him, it was to find Barry squirming on the ground as he attempted to reach the icicle that was sticking out of his leg. "Barry!" he called, rushing down the stairs to kneel beside his friend.

"Caitlin," Barry said in a voice full of pain. "Cisco, Caitlin."

"She's gone, man," Cisco answered. He didn't try to think of whether he meant for good or he simply meant from the vicinity as he looked his friend over. At the moment there were other matters to worry about.

The lightning symbol on Barry's suit had turned varying shades of white. Frost covered the gold of the lightning bolt, hiding it from view under the various crystals that had formed. Cisco fought the urge to inspect Barry's chest further simply because he had to get the speedster back to S.T.A.R Labs before Dr. Brand and H.R. came looking for them. So, instead he focused on the icicle that stuck out of his friend's leg. At first, Cisco was impressed. It was in there pretty deep and that was no small feat for someone of Caitlin's build.

"Wait, is that the same place she stabbed you before?" he asked, hesitant to touch it. He knew that it had to come out but Cisco was wary of causing his friend more pain.

The last time that Caitlin had gone all Killer Frost, Cisco had been too angry with Barry at the time to try and care about the fact that his friend had been temporarily maimed or that he was still hurt hours after he was back at S.T.A.R Labs. He vaguely remembered the spot where Killer Frost had stabbed Barry, and this certainly looked like the same place, but given his state of mind at the time, Cisco couldn't be sure.

"Yeah," Barry answered. He moved as though he were about to try and pull the frozen spear out of his leg only to stop with a cry of pain as he collapsed back down on the ground. "I think she was aiming for any scar tissue that might have been left behind from the last time."

"But you don't have any scar tissue from the last time," Cisco answered as he continued to stare at the thing. He couldn't tell if he was trying to gear up to take it out or if he was stalling. Both, he decided. It was definitely both.

"No," Barry answered, his voice still rough. "I think Caitlin's hiding that from her, though. Cisco, please, just get it out."

"Alright," Cisco retorted. He would have added a 'chill' to the end of that but it seemed wrong and too ironic, given the situation, so he held it back. "I'm not usually the one who has to do these kinds of things."

"The longer you leave it, the harder it will be to get out," was Barry's pained response.

Crap. Cisco hadn't thought about that. Even with the extreme cold, chances were good that Barry's meta super healing was already taking place. It wouldn't be long before the skin tried to knit back together with the icicle still inside. Cisco had seen that happen once and he didn't want to have to cut Barry's wound open to get it out like Caitlin had had to do. Although, since this was made of ice, wouldn't it just melt? Or would it remain since it was formed by a meta rather than naturally?

"Alright," Cisco said as he grabbed the frozen spear. "Ready?"

Hard determination blanketed Barry's face and he nodded. "Just do it."

Cisco stifled the urge to apologize the way Cait had done when she was about to extract the blade that Savitar had left behind when he'd stabbed Barry. He swallowed it though, knowing that at this point Barry cared more about getting it out than he did about the pain it would cause him.

The cold that assailed him when his skin came into contact with the ice was bone deep and painful. No wonder Barry seemed to be in such agony. Cisco didn't give any of it another moment's thought. He just pulled. Barry's answering cry of pain was raw and loud. It was short, thankfully, but it had lasted long enough for Cisco to know that he'd hear that in his head for a long time to come.

He dropped the icicle as soon as it was out, barely taking notice of it as it shattered on the ground. "You okay?" he asked, feeling foolish. Barry's whole body was tense with pain, his jaw clenched and his eyes wide. Tears leaked out the sides of his eyes as he tried to blink them away. It was obvious to anyone who looked at him, that he wasn't okay.

Barry nodded, though, understanding that Cisco was more or less asking if he was okay enough to get off the ground. "Let's get out of here."

oOo

With Cisco's help, Barry made it back to S.T.A.R Labs in time to get treated before Dr. Brand and H.R. got there. There wasn't much that could be done, but H.R. taking Tracy back into Jitters to get a cup of non-frozen coffee before bringing her to S.T.A.R Labs certainly helped. Barry was grateful for the break, and he told Cisco to tell H.R. thank you for him. The Flash couldn't be injured when she met him; that's not how superheroes worked. Tracy had to have faith in what they were all going to tell her and having the protector of the city unable to stay on his feet wasn't going to get it done.

Even so, Barry knew that the leg was going to hurt for a while. Rapid though his healing was, the cold had slowed it down immensely. Barry actually suspected that was one of the reasons that Savitar had recruited Killer Frost. Not only would her being in Caitlin's body give them all pause before they acted against her, but her powers were one of the few weapons that could do major damage to both him and Wally.

Barry allowed Iris to tend to him, like she had the last time Killer Frost had stabbed him, doing his best to be patient and strong. He hurt. A lot. His leg throbbed with bone-deep pain every time he flexed it or put weight on it and his chest, where Frost's stream had pounded into him, still burned from the hit. The skin wasn't as badly damaged as when Cold's gun had struck him but there was still damage.

"How's it feel?" Iris asked him as she secured the bandage around his leg.

"It's fine," he answered, not entirely thinking about the here and now.

The closer they got to the night Iris was supposed to die, the less Barry could focus on anything but what he saw. He had to try and convince Tracy to help them because without her, he honestly wasn't sure how they were going to defeat Savitar. Not that he would ever admit that out loud. His team was depending on him to lead them; his doubts had no place in that position.

Iris's answering expression told him that she didn't believe him, that like usual she could see through his lies, but she let him get away with it. They both knew what was driving him. Just like they both knew that she wasn't going to deter him from this meeting just because he was hurt. Even though he knew that she wanted to ask him another question, she didn't, allowing him to get dressed instead. He knew that they would talk more about how he was feeling later but for now, they had business to deal with.

oOo

The meeting went as well as could be expected. Given everything they were heaping on Tracy, Barry hadn't expected it all to fall into place at once; this wasn't a movie musical after all. At the same time H.R. went to talk Tracy into helping them, Cisco left as well, Julian following not far behind. Barry watched his friend leave with worry. He didn't know what Cisco was feeling but he could guess what was on his friend's mind - Caitlin. Or Killer Frost, he guessed they should call her now. Figuring that Julian could handle what needed to be said, Barry changed into his street clothes then sat down in the chair next to Iris.

"You okay?" he asked, worried about how all this was affecting her.

Like him, she was trying to be strong for them all. But no matter how much she tried to hide it, Barry knew that she was afraid. He wasn't the only one who was having nightmares and unlike him, Iris tended to talk in her sleep. Most of the time she dreamt about what would happen to him, or Joe, or Wally when she was gone, but there were nights when she begged Savitar not to kill her. Those nights were the ones that broke Barry's heart. They were when he realized that, not only had he begun to lose hope of stopping Savitar, but she had too.

"That could have gone better," she admitted, looking him over. "How about you? How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," he lied. "Just hoping that H.R. can talk Tracy into helping us."

"Yeah," Iris agreed. Her gaze left him, following Joe as he too walked out of the room. "Is my dad okay?" she asked once he'd gone. "He's acting…weird."

"Yeah, I think something happened with Cecile."

"Maybe I should talk to him."

"I got it," Barry volunteered, needing to do something other than sit around and wait.

"You should rest," she argued in a tone that suggested she knew he wasn't going to listen to her and that she wished he would. "You're still hurt."

"I'm fine," he lied again. He hid a wince as he leaned in to kiss her. Aside from sitting and watching her, kissing Iris had become his favorite pastime. He couldn't get enough of it, couldn't get enough of her really. "Don't lose hope," he encouraged as he pulled away.

She smiled at him, her love for him shining in her eyes. "You too," she answered, grabbing his hand and holding on.

Smiling, Barry kissed the back of her hand. "I'm gonna check on Joe."

Since he knew what she was going to say, he got up before she could answer, using his body to hide a grimace as he did so. When his leg threatened to collapse under him, Barry used his speed to get away so that he could fall against the wall of an unused corridor in private.

There were many things Barry was allowed to do, but feeling pain wasn't one of them.

oOo

He found Joe sitting in the darkened training room, staring off into space in deep thought. Barry did his best not to limp as he walked in with a, "Hey."

"Hey," Joe answered back. "How's Tracy holding up?"

While Barry had been trying to catch his breath in the hall, Iris had sent him a message that H.R. had managed to talk Dr. Brand into helping them. Relief had washed over Barry but he hadn't allowed himself to feel it for too long. Just because she had agreed to help didn't mean that they still were close to finishing, to defeating Savitar.

"We'll see," Barry answered, hoping he'd been able to hide the cynicism he could feel creeping in. "Um," he said, changing the subject, though Joe didn't know that yet, as he sat down next to the detective. He strangled a wince when the skin on his chest burned and his leg sent a painful throb through the damaged muscles. "Have you told Cecile about us yet?"

Joe raised his hands in an almost defeated way, his expression asking where in world he should even start. "Cecile is the only thing…normal I have in my life right now. And I like having something normal. If I tell her about all this, that goes away."

"But if you don't tell her," Barry prompted, knowing the answer he would get.

"There may not be an 'us'," Joe filled in.

"Mhm," Barry agreed. "Joe, there's no such thing as normal." Though he wished for his father's sake that there was. In the beginning, Barry had been glad that someone had known about him. It had made making up excuses for being late or absent easier and it had also eased the burden of trying to be something more overall. But the longer things went on, and the more things happened, the more Barry sometimes found himself wishing that he could have spared Iris, Joe, and Wally from everything. "Love is the only thing that makes the fight worth it," he added, speaking from experience. "And it's the only thing that's gonna get us through it."

Joe didn't answer but Barry knew he had heard and that he was debating what he should do. While they both knew what should be done, Barry also knew that it was harder to reconcile your heart to the idea of changing someone's life, possibly for the worst, forever. This wasn't something Barry could talk Joe into doing. The detective had to decide for himself that it was right.

"Guys!" H.R.'s voice called as the man came running in. "Guys, there you are," he said sounding out of breath and frantic. "We got a big problem. Tracy's gone."

Barry and Joe shared a look as H.R. ran out of the room. They both stood up to chase after Wells 3.0 but when pain seared through his leg, Barry fell back down with a cry that he couldn't stifle. Weakness, Barry could hide with relative ease. Pain was harder, especially when you weren't expecting it.

"Bar!" Joe called in evident concern, sitting back down as well with a hand on Barry's back.

"I'm fine, Joe," Barry said, answering the unasked question he heard in his father's voice. "It's fine. We've got to find Tracy."

When Joe opened his mouth, no doubt to argue against the idea of Barry being fine, Barry sped off. Pain tore through him in intermittent spikes while he ran but he ignored it. Finding Tracy and saving Iris were the only things that mattered now. Barry didn't have the luxury of resting. Like all superheroes when they get hurt, Barry's only option was to push through the pain.

oOo

While Barry ran off to look for Tracy, Joe made his way to the cortex with a feeling of dread growing in his heart. He was worried about telling Cecile everything, of course, but right now Barry concerned him more. The kid was pushing himself too hard. He understood why - he would probably be doing the same thing if he were in Barry's shoes - but it was still an unwise move. They all needed Barry healthy, not sleep deprived and hurting.

Everyone but Barry was already in the cortex by the time Joe arrived, making him feel late to the party. Taking the opportunity, Joe pulled Iris to him and held on. "How are you doing, baby?" he asked as he released her.

"I'm okay," she answered, looking worried. "Did Barry talk to you?"

Joe nodded, not wanting to go into all that with his daughter. "I'm worried about him," he said instead, making sure to keep his voice low enough so it was just them. "He's hurt far worse than he's letting on."

"I know. Every time I try to get him to stay off his feet, he finds another reason to do exactly the opposite." She sighed, sounding annoyed and sad.

"You know Barry," Joe said in a tone far lighter than he felt. "He feels like he has to fix this because he's the one who broke it."

"But at what cost, Dad?" she retorted as her anger took control over her voice.

Joe held up his hands in peace. "Don't shoot the messenger. I'm just telling you what you already know."

"You're right," she admitted. "I'm sorry. I worry that by the time this is all over, we won't even recognize Barry anymore."

If you don't make it through this, baby girl, none of us will recognize Barry, Joe thought sadly.

Barry came in not long after that, sliding to a stop just behind Cisco. Since it was obvious that the kid hadn't found Tracy, Joe ignored him as he said it. Instead, he studied him, noticing and not liking the way Barry tried to hide a limp from them. He probably would have been successful at it if it hadn't been for Joe specifically looking for it.

Although it was weird to holographically stalk her, it didn't take long for them to find Tracy. So while H.R. practically ran out of the room to go and talk to her, Joe went up to Barry. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Barry's brows furrowed in confusion and worry, but he nodded. "Yeah."

When Barry made to go into the hall, the place where they usually took their private conversations, Joe grabbed his arm and gently pulled him into the medical room. "Sit," he commanded as he closed the door behind them.

"Joe," Barry began, probably trying to assure him that he was fine.

Joe wasn't having it. "No, Barry," he said, cutting the kid off. "H.R. is handling Doctor Brand, and right now there's nothing else for you to do. So you are gonna sit there and let your body heal."

"This isn't necessary," Barry argued, looking both exhausted and exasperated. "I'm already healing. I don't need to sit around for that to happen."

"Well that's exactly what you're going to," Joe argued back. When Barry began to glare at him, he continued. "Oh you don't like it? Well too bad, kid. Because I'll tell you what I don't like. I don't like seeing you try to take the weight of the world on your shoulders. I don't like watching you walk around in pain because you're too stubborn to sit down and let someone else take charge. And I definitely don't like watching my baby girl be upset because she's worried about you."

That last one got to Barry. He looked away, presumably at Iris, averting his gaze. "She shouldn't have to worry about me."

"She loves you, Bar. Of course she's gonna worry about you."

"I'm not the one that needs saving, Joe. She does," the kid snapped. "That's what I'm trying to do. Okay? I am trying to save her life!"

"Even if it's at the cost of your own?"

Barry's brows furrowed again. "What are you talking about?"

"You're exhausted, Barry. You look like you haven't had a good night's sleep in days. And you goin out there injured is only going to get you killed."

"I'm fine, Joe, alright?" the kid argued, looking angry and fed up with the conversation. He made as though to stand up but Joe pushed him back down with a hand against the kid's chest. Barry's expression went from annoyed to pained in an instant.

"You're not fine, Barry," Joe answered quietly. He stood where he was, watching sadly as the kid placed a hand just under the spot Joe had pressed on and began rubbing it. Pain still covered his face but it was more distant now, as though his body was registering it but his mind was somewhere else entirely. "Stay here," Joe commanded. "Rest. I doubt Savitar's done with Tracy yet. We'll need you soon enough."

Barry nodded but didn't asnwer. Joe knew the kid was still thoroughly annoyed with him and he didn't care one bit; Barry was being foolish and somebody needed to tell him so. Joe waited until the kid had laid back against the partially raised medical bed before he left. As much as he wanted to stay here to make sure that Barry did as he was told, Joe knew that he couldn't. His day job beckoned and he couldn't put it off any longer. So, he sent the only other person who could keep Barry in check.

"Keep him company," he instructed Iris, though he knew that he didn't need to.

"Where are you going?'

"I have some paperwork I need to fill out and file. Figured I'd go do it while I had the time." He gave Iris another hug. "Call me when you hear something."

"Kay," she answered. "Love you, Dad."

"Love you too baby girl," he answered with a smile. Joe allowed the smile to linger until he was well out her line of sight where it melted like ice in summer. He worried what would happen to Barry if Iris died. But he also worried what he would do too. Joe couldn't lose Iris. He just couldn't.

TBC