I wanted him.

I really love Dirk, I know its wrong and gross but I cant hold back anymore. I hate feeling like this, having to repress my feelings and thoughts and what ends up happening is that I take out my anger on myself. Hince the cutting of my arms!

I started cutting back when I was in middle school. No one ever found out except my friend John. He had walked into the bathroom while I was ravishing my arms to pieces. I had to beg him not to tell and he never made me promise to call him the next time I felt like cutting. Did I call John? Nope! To be honest I stopped talking to him and everyone else. I was to busy I guess you could say with nothing. I spent most afternoons in my room mixing tapes and creating tapes with Dirk's voice over them. I would then go to bed listening to his sweet melodic voice.

I can't remember the last time Dirk and I did anything together. To be honest the only thing he ever says to me now days is "Hey Dave, you want some pizza?". I am just so friggen depressed, I can't even begin. I want him so badley it makes my whole body hurt. When I look at him, I just- My thoughts got interupted by a knowck at the door.

*Knock*

*Knock*

*Knock*

"Hey Dave! Come outside! Let me in bro, you've been cooped up in there too long." Dave said.

I quickly hid my razor quickly, wondering why the impulsive thoughts kept coming. "Man I got to stop cutting!" I thought.

"Uh, give me a sec!" I called.

I sat up walking towards the door, trying to recall the last time I left my room. Looking at the door, I fumbled with the door knob. When I looked up I found a large man with light blonde hair and sun glasses. I guess it was a brother thing but we both would wear sunglasses inside. I can't believe my eyes, he just kept staring at me. Okay this is too much, crap what do I do?

"Hey bro, uh how's it going?" I said while blushing.

"Oh, it's going pretty good. So, yeah why don't you come out and hang out with me?" Dirk said flusterly.

"Uh, sure man!" I said quickly leaving my room.

Once out of my room I had found a place on one of the couches inour living room. You see either our living room was super clean or super dirty. Dirk goes on these random cleaning sprees. Lucky me, its clean today! I havent seen the living room in a while, I looked up and saw all the old pictures of me and Dirk as children.

I sighed.

Dirk went into the kitchen and brought out two glasses of soda pop. Then one thing we can't agree on is soda flavor. I love Cherry 7-Up and he loves A&W so we keep both in stock. When he handed me my glass my hand quickly touched his in the proccess. Dirk looked up at me and blushed brightly.

"Sorry." he mumbled quietly.

"It's all good man." I said smoothly.

We both sat there akwardly exchanging glances and turnig away. Finnally he spoke up.

"Dave, I need to talk to you about something." I said strongly taking off his sunglasses.

"Yeah, what`s up bro?" I said.

He looked at me and reached out his arms, wrapping them behind me.

"Dirk~" Before I could finish a pair of lips met mine. I couldn't believe what was going on, this is the thing I wanted so much and now I got it. I couldn't pull back, Dirk kept a strong hold on me kissing trails up my neck.

"Dave- I..." He trailed off. He stopped abruptly removing my sunglasses and whispered the words "I love you." into my ear.