Howl.
by: InkColouredBlood
House: Slytherin
Character: Remus Lupin
Twelve minutes to midnight.
When the clock strikes twelve, there will be pain.
Tremendous amounts of unbearable pain.
And you will have no other choice but to let it explore your body, let it light your organs on fire, let white hot knives pierce your skin and allow yourself to howl until it is over.
There's no escape, and that's something you have known for a long time.
Ten minutes to midnight.
But unlike other nights, this one will be worse.
There will not only be pain, but also memories. Crawling around the surface, waiting for the right time to occupy your mind and worsen your mood. They will make you relive the first few years of agony; stubborn and insisting till it tires your mind to unconsciousness. They will make you experience a dozen emotions – anger, pity, regret, misery, sadness. They will make you weak, physically and mentally, and there is nothing you can do about it.
There's no one to help you. No potion that can ease your pain. No spell that can make you forget. No friends or pranks to distract you.
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
Seven minutes to midnight.
You're trying to push it out of your mind. Let these seven minutes be lived in peace and calm, you hope. Delay the pain, the agony.
Six minutes to midnight.
Your friends aren't here with you tonight, unlike the other times. You've ditched them; Left them worrying about your whereabouts. It's five and a half minutes to midnight and they have not seen neither head nor tail of you. You feel a pang of guilt but it quickly subsides. You haven't told them today was the day. The topic may have come up a few times but you were quick to distract Sirius by pointing to a girl, James by magicking a snitch and waving it in his face and Peter by offering him a slice of cheese. You don't mean to worry them, but this is just something you have to do alone.
Four minutes to midnight.
If there is one day in the year that you break down all your walls and barriers, it is today. Today is when that façade of yours slips and stumbles out into the open air. It's the day when you just be human, but in the body of another creature.
Three minutes to midnight.
You've escaped from that claustrophobic shack and have ventured out to a cave beyond the outskirts of Hogsmeade. This is where you will be transforming. Out in the open air. Well in a place where foolish wizards may see you. They are foolish for daring to venture out late in the night. For the night is when evil takes over.
You're not an evil person. However, when you transform, you become someone else. You take in the likes of werewolves. You become a blood-thirsty demon seeking to kill. You feel another pang of guilt when you realize that this is wrong. Dumbledore wouldn't approve. After all, you went behind his back and often roam around in the forests with animagi. But why should it matter this time?
That's right – it doesn't.
Today is when you throw out all your rules and regulations. Forget everything but the memories. Wallow in another body. You can't be arsed if you kill or if you don't.
Sighing, you step out of the cave where the moon is partially clouded.
You wait.
One minute to midnight.
If you could only see, the beast you've made of me.
Suddenly, the moon shines brilliantly down upon you and your pupils start to dilute. You run back inside the cave as fast as you can and bite your lip, trying not to scream. You're growing shorter, thinner and your ribcage is becoming too visible as though you wear no skin. You grab the walls, groaning as a tufted tail emerges from your behind. You hear something unpleasant, like chalk that is dragged along a chalkboard. You haven't realized its your hands – or rather claws.
I've held it in but now it seems you've set it running free.
Your clothes have been ripped apart but you can't find the strength to care. You feel like a new born baby, everything comes in focus and you can see clearer. You nose is sharper and the scent of humans is stronger here than it ever was in that old shack. Your muscles are begging to be used and so you comply, emerging out of the cave with your tail whipping freely.
There's a low burn in your throat, waiting to be fed. So, you venture out to find your prey. Your ears perk up as you sense a presence behind you. You turn slowly, feasting your eyes upon the lamb. It seems to have escaped from a nearby butcher shop.
You pounce.
It dodges.
Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart.
You growl and extend your claws far enough to tangle it in its soft wool. You smile as it lets out a terrified squeak and attempts to run. You pull it closer.
Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart.
You tear it limb to limb. It is dead by now.
My fingers claw your skin; try to tear my way in.
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl.
It tastes heavenly, but human flesh would be even better. You stop chewing as a memory flashes in your head, and suddenly, the meat doesn't taste so good any more.
You remember when eight years ago, on this very night, you were first bitten. You had ventured out of the house even though your Mother had warned you of monsters but you were young and carefree and the dangers lurking about didn't settle in your mind. You had seen a dog walk by out of your window and you ran after it.
You had always wanted a pet dog.
It turned to face you as you fell behind, panting after having chased it for (what in your mind seemed like) miles.
Suddenly, you were scared. Your parents were well out of reach and the dog didn't seem so friendly before as it did when you had gazed out of the window.
Its eyes were in slits and it was sizing you up hungrily. It slowly walked towards you, putting paw after paw but you couldn't move. Your feet were planted firmly to the ground. The monster could sense fear radiating out of you and it grinned, if possible, like a chesire cat. You could hear the gears turning in its head and could understand what it was thinking.
Now there's no holding back, I'm making to attack.
My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out.
Your senses came to you in a flash and you ran, distancing yourself from it as fast as you could while hollering out your parents name in deep seated fear.
But eventually, it caught up to you.
The saints can't help me now.
The ropes have been unbound; I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallowed ground.
Like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins.
I want to find you, tear you all out of your tenderness.
And howl.
And so it did. Its paws grabbed your shoulder, gripping you firmly much like you had held the lamb. It pulled you towards itself and sank its teeth into your skin. You howled in pain.
It only gripped you harder.
Then there was a blinding flash of light and the creature was slammed against a nearby tree. You were too much in pain to realize what was happening. You didn't realize your parents had finally found you or that your father had scooped you up and was running towards the house with your mother trailing behind him.
The beast was gone but the pain wasn't.
You were rushed to St. Mungos, knocked out with a potion and didn't wake up till later that day. But still, the pain hadn't gone and the worst was yet to come. You were told that you had become a werewolf. You didn't understand why your mother was crying or why your father had paled considerably or even why the nurse spoke with something akin to disgust in her tone.
You didn't realize you weren't human anymore.
Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers.
It starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters.
A piercing noise broke you out of your reverie and you shook your head to dispel the memories. Your head turned to face the source of the noise and you grinned wolfishly when you discovered a terrified man standing no more than a few meters away from you.
The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress.
Until I wrap myself around your arms I cannot rest.
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound.
I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallowed ground.
Out of nowhere, you feel two figures crashing into your body. You fall to the ground in a tangled heap and once again, your ears perk up as you hear the human running away. Lifting yourself, you make to run after him but the animals behind you have tackled you once again and you fall to the ground.
The human is nowhere in sight but you can still smell his scent. Again, you ignore these animals and make to trace the human but a growl from your right grabs your attention. Your head swivels to face a massive black dog whose teeth are barred. On your left, is a black stag. Your mind whispers, they're your friends, but you can only see them as obstacles in the way of human flesh.
You growl and pounce on the stag first but it dodges. The dog is sinking its teeth into your fur and holding you back. You feel a sense of playfulness and familiarity but you can't remember.
You, the stag and the dog are now circling each other. It is two to one but you think you can take them. But then, pain envelopes you. You fall to the ground, screaming and writhing in agony. Your paws are changing form, your tail is slowly disappearing. Out of your peripheral vision, the stag and the dog transfigure into humans, but you can't seem to care. The pain is making you lose your sense of control.
You can only help but whimper.
Two minutes pass and the pain is slowly subsiding. You feel a hand on your shoulder and your head swivels to see a young boy of seventeen staring at you with concern etched deep into his face. You can't see properly now, your vision is losing its sense of clarity. Its dark, you notice. A glimmer of moonlight is reflected off of the boy's glasses.
"You okay, Moony?" he asks softly.
Your memory comes back. The stag was James, your best friend. The dog was Sirius, your other best friend. You wonder where Peter is, the rat. You know they're going to question you. 'Why didn't you go to the shack, Remus?', 'Remus, you know better than transforming outside the grounds'. You try to come up with excuses but at the moment, you are tired. The night is cold and you just want to wrap yourself in your blanket and drink hot chocolate.
You worry about the coming morning. The memories will haunt your mind again and everything you do will remind you of that night. But right now, you just want to go back to Hogwarts.
Back home.
A man who's pure of heart and says his prayer by night, may still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright.
