Chapter One: Starting Block
"I believe that the greatest gift you can give your family and the world is a healthy you"
-Joyce Meyer
My name is Kaida. My mom always called me Kay. It's stuck with me and now that's what I go by. Kay. Just Kay. This is my story. My life story. It isn't simple and it isn't gradious. It's messy and complicated and silly and depressing and rewarding. It's my life. I know that some thing's won't make sense and that some people may disagree with how I acted or how I perceived things. Every mistake, every lesson, every broken heart, and every time I succeeded created the path I walked until the day I died. My life isn't perfect but it is mine. I'm already rambling and I've barely started. I am the product of my family, my friends, my lovers, my teachers, and my rivals. I lived my life the best way I knew how. So let me start at the beginning:
My mom's name was Ryoko and she was a traveling artist. She roamed across the wind country and preformed with her troop. They did interpretive dance shows, preformed plays, painted large murals and basically did whatever they wanted. She was wild and free, living for the moment and never apologizing for it. Until she gave birth to me outside the gates of Sunagakure. She couldn't make it to the hospital so she just popped me out where she laid. That's how she told me the story. She said she danced and acted and traveled through her pregnancy. As a result, I was born way earlier then I should have been. Mom said she doesn't like to live with regrets but wishes she had cared for me more before I was born.
See, I nearly died the second I slipped through my mom's loins. I was blue and would not cry. Once I was taken to the hospital, my mom was told I had a congenital heart defect. The only way to fix it was open heart surgery and a traveling artist could not afford to pay for open heart surgery. So, mom took me back to the caravan and tried to treat me with love and holistic remedies. After about a year of traveling around with a little baby, my mom felt the urge to settle down. She was torn between her freedom and finding a safe home for little me. During a trip to Konohagakure, my mom met my daddy.
Now, I've never met my biological father. My mom only told me about him once. She said he had eyes like me, black with thick lashes. She said I had his hair, thick and unruly inky locks, and his round face. She said my biological father was a free spirit, like my mom. He seduced her with expensive liquor and a constant spontaneity that never failed to surprise her. My daddy was nothing like that. My mom was fire and my daddy was cold marble; my mom escaped her family at the age of 14 and my daddy lived and cared for his mother and father until he died. My daddy was clean cut, white bread, and introverted. But he was also supportive, hard-working, and fercily devoted to the gypsy women he fell in love with. My mom needed stability for me, some place safe to raise me and keep me healthy. She had to make the choice between my needs and her free spirited soul. My mom locked herself in a cage for me and I will never be able to repay her for that. Don't get me wrong, she loved my daddy and they married only a few months after they met, but I know she was never meant to be a wife or a mom. My daddy had a good job at the police station and my mom was able to work part time at a small tea shop to make ends meet. She spent most of her days with me.
She settled us into the house with my daddy, Uchiha Naoto, and his parents. Yup, Uchiha. Somehow my mother married into the Uchiha family. She was not very welcome into the family line. My daddy was cousins with Fugaku and I was therefore cousins by marriage to Sasuke and Itachi. Yup. I was very much overshadowed by the genius of my cousins. Itachi, as I remember, was kind hearted and adored his baby brother Sasuke, who was closer to me in age but also kind of a brat. He made fun of me when I could not keep up with him in races and games. Itachi usually looked at me with this pitiful smile. I was not real family to them. My mom and I always felt like outsiders during family events. My daddy was an important field officer for the police force and he and my grandpa and cousin Fugaku would drink and share stories about their days on the force. My mom would hold me on her lap to comfort me and I would try my best to make sure she knew she was not alone. My mom and I bonded over feeling like an outsider in our own family. My daddy did his best to include me but I knew I did not belong.
My childhood up until the age of five, from what I can remember, consisted of morning walks with my mom and grandpa before mom went to the tea shop, spending mornings with my grandmother painting and eating fruit with my grandpa. My mom would leave books for my grandparents to read to me when she was at work. When she was home, she would take me to the park to play on the swings or to the training grounds to watch the shinobi train. I remember getting tired so easily, feeling dizzy, and spending a lot of time in the house and my bed. My grandma would make me tea. I spent the afternoon waiting for my daddy to come home. My mom and I would make dinner for my grandparents and my daddy would come home tired. He did not smile much but he always gave me the same greeting:
"Hello my little pixie." I'd run into his arms, he'd pick me up and lift me above his head. He'd kiss my cheek and put me down before taking off his police outfit and greeting my grandparents and mom.
My grandpa wanted me to train with him to become a shinobi. My grandmother and mother had their fears and did not allow me to physically train with my grandpa. He taught me basic skills a shinobi would need: listening, sneaking, thinking "like the enemy," and he worked with me on my hand eye coordination. My daddy told me once that I can be whatever I wanted to be, but I saw it in his eyes. He feared for me. He watched my faint from just running home from the park and saw how easily fatigued I became from simple play wrestling. I heard him and my grandpa talking late one night. My grandpa was worried I would not amount to a great shinobi, my daddy said that it was fine. My grandpa was not convinced, he pressed him: "I know you wanted a strong child to carry on our bloodline. Maybe you and Ryoko can have another child, one that is yours." My daddy was quiet and then agreed. He said that him and mom had thought about having another baby. He said: "Kaida is my daughter. Nothing will change that. She will not be a great shinobi, this is true. I believe she will be great in other ways. She has a kind heart, even if it is a broken one. I have often felt sad for her, worried for her, but that's not her fault. She smiles every day, even when she feels like she is dying. That is strength."
My daddy wanted a strong child but was stuck with me as a result of a rushed marriage to a gypsy woman who gave up her freedom for me. And that was it. That's where I started. I'm not sure if that made any sense. It is difficult to piece together much about my first five years since my memories from that time are blurred and unreliable.
As I aged I did not become stronger like my mom had hoped. She found herself taking more and more time off to stay with me. When I would run in the park I would feel dizzy and sick, I would hyperventilate from the panic of feeling my heart beat erratically in my chest. My fingertips would turn blue from the deoxidation of my blood. I would get splitting headaches. My daddy would cradle me while my head throbbed and whisper hurriedly to my mom: "What can we do?" My mom would shrug, helpless, and wipe my forehead with a cold compress. Thinking back, I remember feeling guilty that I made my parents sad. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to be a free spirit like my mom and dance naked under the dessert sun. I wanted to be a strong shinobi like my daddy and carry on the family bloodline. But I couldn't. I could barely complete basic training with my grandpa. I would look up to my daddy and mom. I would cry because I could never be good enough. Crying made the headache worse which made me cry more.
I remember a white room and the clean smell of alcoholic antiseptic. The lights burned my eyes. An old man in a white coat sat and spoke to mom and daddy. Mom pet my head.
"I have a sister in Suna. The dry air and warmth could help her?"
"Maybe it could. She needs surgery to truly heal. There are risks and it may not return her to a normal heart function but it will give her a higher quality of life."
"But she could die. No, no surgery."
"Ryoko, please. She's our daughter."
"No. No, she's my daughter. I want her to spend some time in the dessert. Gain more strength and then she can come back to us. If she's stronger she'll do better in surgery, she'll recover better."
There was mumbling. Daddy sighed and walked out of the room. The doctor nodded. My mom fed me ice chips and the nurse gave me an air mask to help me breath, make the headache stop.
I remember the day before I left for Suna. My daddy cradled me in his arms and my mom pet my head.
Mom: "My sister, Auntie Rini, she lives in the dessert. That's where you were born. That's where I'm from."
Me: "Oh, I know that mama."
Mom: "I know, I know. You're going to be staying with them for a little bit. The climate in Suna will make it easier for you to become strong. It will help your breathing and your heart. You'll be able to train with cousin Hikaru. You remember him, right? *I nod* Okay good, he's very excited to meet you! He only saw you as a baby. Once you get nice and strong you'll come back home!"
Me: "Oh, okay. Aren't you and daddy coming with me?"
Mom just looks at me and bites her lip. I look up to my daddy. His eyes are glassy.
Me: "Daddy?"
My daddy sighs and my mom takes me out of his arms and hugs me.
Mom: "I'm sorry sweetie. Daddy and I are not coming with you. Daddy has to work and you know grandma is sick. I have to stay here and help. But this is your big adventure! You get to see new places and meet new people. You'll get to really know the other half of your family! You'll be okay!"
Me: "B-but I don't want to go alone. I'll miss you. I don't want to go! I want to stay with you! I don't want to leave. I hate the dessert!" I'm crying now, coughing and sniffling snot. Mom cups my face.
Mom: "You are such a brave little girl! You are going to be okay! You'll come back to me and daddy so much stronger! That's what you want right? To be healthy? * I hiccup and nod* Right! This will help! Auntie and Hikaru won't let anything happen to you. We'll write and maybe daddy and I can come visit!"
Daddy: "You'll be okay my little pixie. We love you so much."
I look between my mom and my daddy. I feel my heart tug. I know this is what they want. Me to be healthy and strong. I don't like to see them like this. I wipe my eyes
Me: "Okay. I love you too."
Mom and daddy hug me and kiss me. They help me pack the rest of the day. My daddy gave me a new teddy bear and mom gave me a family picture in a frame. Grandpa gives me kiss and grandma gave me a small tin full of tea leaves. My mom laid in my bed with me after I packed. She rubbed my back. I told her I was going to become stronger. Mom told me about her travel stories and her dreams. I told her I did not know what I wanted to do yet. She told me that it was okay. I told her I wanted to make friends. She told me if I could make at least one good friend that it would be enough. I told her I was scared. She said she was too. We stayed up until the sun rose and gently shone through the curtains. We ate breakfast as a family. Daddy brought my bag outside. I stepped out into the sun. I had on cotton shorts and a tank top. My hair was pulled back into a pony tail. I felt my face flush as I thought about all the uncertainty that laid ahead of me and all the shame I felt weighing on my shoulders. I wanted to be good enough for my parents. They have given up so much for me. It was my turn to make a sacrifice. I loved my mom and daddy. I was going to become stronger. I felt butterflies flutter in my stomach as my sandals crunched the gravel under my feet.
Daddy: "Are you ready?"
I nodded. He bent down to my eye level. He kissed my forehead.
Daddy: "I am very proud of you."
Me: "I'll get stronger. I'll be a strong shinobi."
Daddy: "That is a good goal. I just want you to be healthy, pixie. I would love for you to be a shinobi."
Me: "I want to be."
Daddy: "If you change your mind, that's okay too. It takes more than shinobi to run a village."
I was surprised to hear that. I took a second to digest what he said. I could be something important that was not a shinobi?
Me: "What else is there?"
Daddy: "Well…um. Lots of things really."
Mom: "Hikura will be here soon." Daddy stood up and smiled. Mom sighed and kneeled down to kiss me. She stood and leaned her head on my daddy's shoulder. They had been fighting a lot. I was glad to see them together.
I took a second to look up at my parents. My mom had thick sandy hair and dark eyes. She had deep eye bags from sleepless nights and frown lines creasing her face. She was shorter then daddy, with a thin frame and narrow face. She was beautiful but tired. I think of her dancing and how graceful she is. I think of how warm her smile makes me feel. My daddy is taller than my mom. He has short brown hair and a stoic face. He had broad shoulders and a thick waist. He looked at me with constant worry in his eyes. It made me feel like a burden to him. But he smiled lightly and told me he loved me and everything was okay. This was my family. My starting block.
Mom turned quickly to the sound of tires on gravel.
"Oh, here is Hikura!"
