Rock Steady

"Luffy-Cha~~n. We're friends, but we need to fight because I'm taking one of your crew." He twirled. "And I'm not joking!" He said as an afterthought.

The enemy ship thumped out a steady beat as pirate captain Bon Clay declared war on Straw Hat Luffy. Straw Hat Luffy looked distractedly to Sanji.

"Sanji~, I'm hungry." As though that was a rare occurrence.

"Lunch is after you get rid of the shitty shit." The cook's cigarette wobbled up and down as he moved his mouth. His feet tapped the deck in an act of irritation, unaware that it was to the beat.

Usopp stood nodding and wearing the Mr Prince glasses he had taken from the cook. With his arms crossed and perspiration beading on his temple, his appearance was that of a man desperately trying to hide something that was already completely visible. The sniper looked to the doctor, expecting the reindeer to be watching beside him but instead found him with Brook and Franky, the latter teaching the two of them the fine art of booty shaking.

Nami poked her head out from the library. "Can't you fuck's fight in silence? Inconsiderate bastards." The door slammed shut.

"Oi Nami, what's wrong? Sanji, are you giving her enough meat?"

"You accuse me of malnourishing our beautiful navigator? Are you seriously accusing me of that? Luffy, is your shitty brain considering me treating Nami-swan with anything but first class?"

The volume increased from the enemy ship speakers as though insisting they break the amplifier that very moment.

"Nami-chan is lacking sleep." Robin purred from behind them. She possessed a strange ability of making herself heard even in a whisper. Her hand twitched and she held it up, inspecting the bite mark on her thumb that had suddenly appeared. "Naughty." A loud thump came from the room Nami occupied.

Sanji looked up, suddenly aware of who was missing. "Where's the shitty marimo?"

"I think he has been …mislaid," Robin smiled.

At that very moment, chaos broke loose on the other ship as a very confused swordsman came out from one of their cabins.

"Huh? What? Cook?" The man blinked several times before realisation and horror rightfully set in.

"Shitty bastard, I admit it. When it comes this far, your ability to get lost is a talent. How the fuck do you find yourself on another ship when all I said was 'storage instead of infirmary today'?"

Luffy watched Sanji's teeth in fascination. So much grinding noise from such tiny little things.

Zoro looked to Bon Clay. "So it was you. 'Darling are you ready, rock steady'? Knew something was off when you said that."

"Sanji-chan! We're hole sisters!"

Sanji dropped his cigarette. A strong wind took hold of it. By the time the chewed up filter made impact on grey water, Bon Clay's ship had already fled out of sight.

A wise move.