Jim fell into the captain's chair in a heap. The third day of their five day journey back to San Fransisco was not off to a good start. He wished they had warp capabilities, he wished that Bones would get off his back, he wished he didn't have this pounding headache at eight in the morning, but most of all he wished he didn't have to think about 7,000 dead fellow classmates and a destroyed planet. Then again, what was that phrase his mother had…if wishes were horses…
He'd been down to see Pike once in sickbay and briefed him on the status of the ship, Vulcan and the crew. Pike didn't say much. Jim knew it was a lot of information to take in, in a matter of a few moments. Bones had been strict about keeping the briefing short. He already had Pike on a tough therapy schedule. Bones was really enjoying his new title of CMO a little too much Jim thought with snort. "Captain?" Spock asked, breaking Jim out of his reverie.
"Huh?" Jim turned to look on his former foe.
"You made a noise indicating frustration or amusement," Spock pointed out.
"Sorry, just thinking," Jim turned back to the main screen and watched the stars float by. He knew Starfleet had their hands very full, but having to travel close to 800 million miles on impulse was driving him crazy. He turned to look at Uhura. She'd tried to keep a brave face, but as soon as they began their journey home, cracks were starting to show through her all business facade. He'd overheard her talking to Spock in the mess hall about fate and the Farragut and all that. Apparently the Enterprise wasn't her assigned ship either. Realizing that she could have been one of the causalities of the Battle of Vulcan had really shaken her. In response she tried to throw herself even more into her work, or what little there was. Jim sighed and stood up, pacing across the bridge. Jim was thankful Spock didn't have some comment about this. He knew it would be something about how illogical impatience was and how it was such a primitive human emotion that no Vulcan would lower himself to. The pounding in Jim's temples increased. Sure Spock was dealing with a lot of crap right now, but he was half-human. Why did the Vulcan half have to be the side Spock chose to show. He'd read Spock's file on the first day of their journey home after he'd escaped Bones' clutches.
As acting captain, he wanted to show Pike that he really could do the captain thing and to him this was the ultimate test. He had to know as much as he could about the 612 people serving under him, and more importantly he had to do it at 110%. A good job wouldn't be good enough. Spock Prime said he and Jim were life-long friends. Right now, all Jim could think was bullshit. They were far from friends. The events on Nero's ship helped them move past hatred of each other, but whatever relationship they had, was defiantly strained. Without thinking, Jim rubbed his tender neck. He needed a drink. His first choice would have been a beer or some liquor, but water would have to suffice until he was off duty.
Jim noticed Sulu lightly tapping on the control panel in front of him. Saturn to Earth was an easy journey. It was a fairly straight shot and should have taken a few hours. He smiled a little realizing the Sulu was just as bored and frustrated as he was.
"Can you stop that humming please," Chekov muttered to Sulu. Jim hadn't heard Sulu humming, but realized he must have when Sulu stiffened up and rechecked the coordinates. Things even seemed tense between Chekov and Sulu, though Jim didn't know why. They were as different as night and day, but seemed to work well together when they first boarded. Jim grew bored when he realized the situation between Chekov and Sulu had passed. He needed to get off the bridge or he'd go crazy.
"Spock, the bridge is yours," Jim hefted himself out of his chair and made his way to the turbo lift. He managed to catch Uhura's eye roll before the turbolift's door swooshed closed. Jim didn't press any button but felt himself slide to the floor. "What the hell am I doing!?" he whispered to himself. "Do I really think I can even captain a starship when my entire crew seems to be at odds with one another?" Jim took a few deep breaths before he stood up and punched a button. A few moments later, the engineering room appeared before him. A few engineers stood at attention when they noticed him, but he waved them back to work. He wound around until he found Mr. Scott fighting a one man battle with the warp conductor.
"Hey Scotty," Jim called out, using the nickname he'd dubbed his chief engineer with.
"Captain!" Scotty replied with surprise. "I am workin' on her, but she's in pretty bad shape from the black hole."
"I know," Jim said with a frown. "Is there anything else you can do?"Jim asked.
"I'm givin' ye all she's got Captain," Scotty yelled. Jim clearly heard frustration in his voice.
"Alrighty Scotty, I know you're doing your best." Jim sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Jim knew he'd just be in the way down here so he went back to the turbo lift. As Jim made his way to his briefing room, McCoy paged him.
"Kirk here, what's the problem Bones?"
"I need you and that hobgoblin back in here for a check up on those injuries." Bones explained. Jim sighed and rested his forehead against the wall. Why were Bones and Spock at such odds? Why couldn't Bones just let him rest and recuperate on his own? Why was his best friend on his last nerve right now. "Jim?" Bones called out when he didn't get a response.
"Yeah, I hear you. Give me ten minutes. Call Spock yourself." Jim knew it would be easier to give into Bones than have another damn hypo spray shoved in his neck. He grabbed a couple files to skim while Bones examined him and took his time getting to sickbay. Jim was startled when the turbolift opened at the bridge rather than sickbay and Spock got in.
"So Bones got you too huh?" Jim asked.
"Yes, Doctor McCoy requested to review my injuries." Spock answered stiffly.
"So…how is your dad doing?" Jim asked, trying to fill the awkward silence.
"He is keeping busy." Spock replied shortly.
Jim gave a short nod and the two men returned to silence. Maybe I should go visit Sarek, Jim thought to himself. Luckily, the thought was short lived. He'd never been happier to get off the turbo lift. Each man went to a table and waited until the doctor was able to see them. Jim flipped through Scotty and Sulu's profiles; a few small things catching his eye, but nothing major. Just the usual Starfleet paperwork with the exception of the write-up in Scotty's about Admiral Archer's dog, which Kirk had to admit was pretty funny. After they got the all clear from Bones, Jim and Spock went back to the bridge together.
Jim hadn't been on the bridge for more than ten minutes before Spock and Uhura caught his attention. They were trying to have a quiet conversation without much success. "Well maybe you don't believe in fate, but I do, I could have…" Uhura spoke loud enough that everyone heard that. Embarrassed, she turned back to her station and started listening for any communications of any sort. Spock stood by her side for a minute more before returning to stand behind Jim.
"Captain," Chekov spoke up and slightly turned to face Jim. "Der appears to be a Wukan Wessel ahead of us."
"Wulkan Wessel," Sulu snickered to himself.
Jim saw Chekov's face immediately redden, from embarrassment or anger. Probably some combination of both.
"Lieutenant Sulu!" Jim order sharply "On screen."
Everyone could see the Vulcan cruiser slowly making its way about three thousand miles ahead of them.
"Quite possibly going to the new colony," Spock explained.
"Lieutenant Uhura?" Jim turned to see if any communication attempts were being made. She shook her head, fighting more tears.
"Continue present course." Jim ordered. The headache was back, with a vengeance.
"Of all people to do ship navigations…" Sulu muttered under his breath again.
"Dat's it!" Chekov jumped up from his seat and shoved Sulu with all his strength. Sulu toppled over and lay spread out of the floor. Tears were now freely falling down Uhura's cheeks. Spock stood rooted, shocked at the human display of aggression in front of him.
"Stop it!" Jim bellowed. His head was pounding and he felt control slipping from his fingers. Everyone on the bridge froze when Jim stood up fuming. He hit a button on his chair, Mr. Scott, Dr. McCoy, please come to my briefing room immediately." He released the button, not giving them a chance to respond, he stormed to the turbolift. Sulu, Chekov, Spock, Uhura, with me. Carson, conn is yours." Nobody moved for a second as Jim fought to control his breath and wondered madly what he was going to do. "Now!" he stormed. Everyone jumped into action. If Jim thought the ride to sickbay was awkward, the ride to him briefing room was worse. After everyone had gathered, and sat at the long table, Jim stood and paced for a few minutes. When he felt a little more sure of himself, he turned to his officers.
"As acting captain of this ship…"
"Here we go," Uhura interrupted, rolling her eyes.
"Silence!" Jim ordered and Uhura's moth snapped shut. "As acting captain on this ship, I will have order. I will… have… order!" Jim declared. We've got to work together. Aside from the new cadets and a few professors and brass, we are it. We…are…Starfleet. This is not the Starfleet I knew growing up. I know that we are more than this." Jim continued with disgust. "We have got to work together," Jim repeated. I know we all come from different places," he slammed the reports down on the table. "But you know what I've found, is that we all have something in common. We are more alike than you might realize."
The group started protesting this fact vehemently. Jim felt his frustration growing. They just weren't getting it. "SHUT UP!" He yelled again. First he turned to Spock "Koxx, Mestral, Spilk," Then he turned to Bones "Anne and Nancy." Then to Uhura "Arthur and Ray," Then to Sulu, "Kyoto" Next to Scotty "Dr. Liam, Mr. Cahill, Ms. Ennis." Then he looked at Chekov, the group had grown silent at the mention of these names. "Veronica and Alexander" Then with a sigh, Jim added two more names. "Winona and Frank." He was silent then and let what he said sink in. Jim knew what dredging these names up would mean. He read about them. He knew who these people were.
"She told me I shouldn't enlist. I'd never make it. I was a nothing. She told me that my whole damn life." Sulu finally spoke softly. "She hated that she was left with a Chinese stepson…somehow she was okay with marrying a Chinese man though."
"I vas tvelve vhen they told me," Chekov sniffed a little and looked down. "They did not vant me. The foster homes did not vant me either so I thought…Starfleet vas my only choice."
"She took Joanna with her. She took every damn thing. It wasn't like I was the only one. Nancy and I just worked together. Anne wasn't so innocent. I knew what she wanted when we got married, but I didn't care. A simple country doctor wasn't good enough. Well, I showed her." Bones crossed his arms.
"Dad was horrified when I enlisted. He wanted me to be like my sisters. Just marry Ray and have a nice family. I almost backed out and did just that. The first time Ray hit me though… I was gone." Uhura's voice grew hard. "No one was going to tell me how to live my life."
"Those those teachers, oh how those teachers gave me grief when I was a laddie." Scotty murmered. "I haven't thought o them in years. Kept after class all the time, for just tryin to figure out how things worked. Me parents worried that I'd ever graduate. When they sent me to Delta Vega, it was like they were sayin' I told ye so."
"The names, you spoke of were childhood classmates who often tried to provoke an human emotional response out of me because I am half human."Spock added simply, but the group could see that the memory did hit a raw nerve.
"You know, I could also have mentioned a few other names, Melissa, Kate, Sarah, even George Kirk." Jim paused a second. "I was always in some scrape or other. I was always in my Dad's shadow. Mom was always off planet, I reminded her too much of George, she'd say. I was always getting pounded by Frank. I was always afraid to get too close to anyone, that they might leave too. Keep them at arm's length." Jim nodded. The room fell silent. After a few minutes, Jim took a seat. "We have all dealt with a lot of shit in our lives. Now we know each other a lot better." He went over to the replomat and got six hard drinks and passed them around and an idea came to his mind. "Can you see how much we all have in common?" He asked before sipping his drink. He chuckles slightly at Chekov's expression to the brandy.
"You'll get used to it," Bones adds with a friendly smile on his face before taking a slow sip of his brandy.
"When we return to earth, in two days, there is going to be a lot of hurt and angry people. We need to be able to go in there as a team and show that Starfleet will go on. They have planned a memorial service for Saturday. Spock, have you heard anything new about the memorial for Vulcan?"
"I have not Captain." Spock responded. "Only that there will be a service held on Sunday."
Jim nodded. "So, what do you say guys? Can we work together and bring the Enterprise home?" There was a round of yes sirs and Jim smiled. He suddenly realized that his headache was easing and he felt relaxed for the first time in days. "Good, but just for good measure, I want to see all of you tonight around 20:00 hours for one more meeting in the rec hall with some of the other crew."
To this Jim got some curious looks. "Sir?" Uhura questioned.
"I found an antique earth entertainment device yesterday and I think I got it working. Tonight I want us to go try it out. From what I read about it in the computer memory banks, it can be a lot of fun and a good way to get to know each other. Two things I think we need more of."
"What is it?" Scotty asked.
"It's called Karaoke. I will see you all at 20:00. Let's get to work, dismissed." Jim said with a glimmer of humor in his eyes. He couldn't wait to see how his crew took to singing old earth songs.
