Stalag 13 was in an uproar. The prisoners had all snapped and were taking over the camp. Together, they took down the guards and were running amuck under the leadership of Colonel Hogan. Things were going crazy.
Colonel Klink was trying to hide in his office but it wasn't long before Hogan and his men barged in and found him.
"Hello, Kommandant," Hogan greeted him with a sneer.
"Why are you doing this?!" Klink demanded, furiously. "After everything I've done for you!"
Hogan laughed. "Life's not fair, is it?" Then he turned to his gang and snapped his fingers. "Grab him."
Klink screamed out curses as he was carried off into the night. They brought him back to their barracks and restrained him to a chair. There were some old-fashioned stocks in front of him.
"Schultz?! Schultz, come out from where you are hiding and save me from these maniacs!" Klink yelled.
"Don't bother shouting. We already took care of Schultz," Hogan said. "Now you're going to get yours."
"You wouldn't hurt me."
No, that would be much too kind," Hogan replied simply.
Klink swallowed hard and wondered what the stocks were for. He soon found out.
Hogan's men came forward and removed Klink's boots. Then they locked his bare feet in the stocks.
"What are you doing?!" Klink asked, nervously. His ankles were trapped and all he could do was wiggle his feet and toes.
Hogan sighed sadly and shook his head. "Gee, when I think about what's going to happen to you…I almost feel sorry for you."
Klink's eyes widened with fear. "What are you going to do?"
Hogan strolled casually over to Klink's mid-section and dug his fingers into Klink's stomach, making him laugh and squirm.
"So sensitive," Hogan whispered.
Klink blushed and glared angrily at him. "You are a cruel man, Colonel Hogan! A cruel, wicked man!"
Hogan shrugged. "Whatever you say. You're the boss." Then he looked at his men and signaled to them. "Do it."
And with that, Hogan turned and walked away.
"Colonel Hogan, come back! Where are you going?! I am not yet finished with you!" Klink called as he struggled in his restraints.
LeBeau and Newkirk positioned themselves at Klink's bare feet and began to rub them with warm oils. It wasn't too bad when they massaged his soles but Klink squealed when they got around his toes.
When they finished with that, the real nightmare began.
LeBeau picked up a long, blue feather and began tickling Klink's feet.
Klink tried not to laugh but it was no use. He burst into a fit of giggles.
"AAAAHH! Ahahahahaha! Please no! Eeeeheehehhehehee!" Klink squealed.
LeBeau grinned wickedly as he glided the feather slowly along Klink's naked soles. Soon Newkirk decided to join in on the torture – he grabbed a feather duster that was just busting with thick, black feathers and he started running it all over Klink's left foot while LeBeau continued to attack the right one.
"YAAHAHAHAHAHAHA LEAVE ME ALONE! OOOHOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Klink's laughter grew louder and he squirmed wildly in the chair.
"He's got really tickly feet, doesn't he?" LeBeau said, smirking.
"He looks like he's having a lot of fun too!" Newkirk laughed, now using both his fingers and the feather duster.
"YOU MONSTERS! HEEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEE! PLEEEASE STOP TICKLING MY FEET! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Klink shrieked as tears began to form in his eyes.
But Newkirk and LeBeau were relentless. They tickled his feet with feathers and fingers until he almost passed out.
"Release me! Please, no more tickling!" Klink pleaded, when they finally let up. "Spare me…I implore you!"
"You've got a lot more to come," they replied.
Within seconds, the barracks was filled with Klink's tormented laughter again. This time, Hogan was the one stroking his fingers on the Kommandant's vulnerable insteps.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA COLONEL HOGAN! STOOOOP! EEEEHAHAHAHAHAHA! MERCCYYY!"
"Sorry sir, but this is too much fun!" Hogan tickled his heels and scribbled his fingernails all the way up to the balls of his feet.
After about an hour of that, Hogan declared that it was time to take things up a notch.
"Say, do you fellas want to know where our dear Kommandant is most ticklish?" Hogan asked with a grin.
All the prisoners were very enthusiastic about this.
"His toes," Hogan announced. "I know because I tickled him once before."
"Please don't!" Klink whimpered as Hogan reached for his ticklish toes.
"Coochie coochie coo, Klinky!" teased Hogan, gently tickling the pad of Klink's big toe.
"AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Klink screamed and threw his head back.
Hogan smiled cruelly.
Tears of mirth fell from Klink's eyes and he was wet with sweat. No matter how much he squirmed and thrashed, he could not pull his ankles out of the stocks. There was no escape or relief.
But Hogan stopped tickling after only a few minutes and sat back down to let the others have another turn.
LeBeau grabbed his blue feather and hurried back over to the helpless feet with renewed vigor. But he started slowly – he lightly tickled Klink's pinky toe with the tip of the feather, causing poor Klink to squeal with laughter. Then LeBeau worked his way up all the toes, tickling each one until he came to the big toe. Then he ruthlessly tickled between every one of the toes, and then he tickled the undersides of them.
"OOOOHHHOHOHOHOHOHOOHOHOHO! PLEEEEASE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU ARE KILLING ME! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA PLEASE STOOOP!" Klink wailed, his face turning redder than ever before.
For the next half hour, all the prisoners took turns tickling Klink's feet and toes. The poor man was so close to passing out, that Hogan had to momentarily put a stop to the tickle torture.
Then he waited for Klink to regain his composure before he brought out the final tool of torture…
A goat.
Klink nearly had a heart attack when he saw it. "Oh, please! Colonel Hogan, you must have mercy!"
But the prisoners ignored his pleas and poured a salty solution all over his poor little toes, preparing them for the goat's hungry tongue.
Klink woke up with a jolt and looked around. He was back in his own bed. The whole thing was just a terrible dream. He was sweating badly and breathing heavily. His throat felt dry so he went to get some water. When he got back to his bed, he laid down again and fell back to sleep. This time, he had a pleasant dream.
The End
