This was written between episodes 4 and 5 of season 3, when we've been introduced to Josh, but don't know much about him. I tried to speculate on Kate's feelings and (I hope) confusion over how Castle fits into her life. Hope you enjoy!


Kate Beckett was torn. And confused. And her confusion all led back to one man...Rick Castle. As it had for well over a year. Only now, the confusion was of a personal nature instead of a professional one.

The man had confused her since he started shadowing her over two years ago. She was trying to do a job-an important job-and she didn't need a little puppy tagging along after her. Especially a puppy that didn't know how to shut up sometimes. But geez, if she were to be honest, she'd have to admit that Castle's unique way of looking at things had helped out a bit once or twice. Or more than that. Okay, a lot. Yep, he was like a regular, if unorthodox, member of her team, and somewhere along the line, she had grown to value his insights.

But somewhere along the line, his professional insights had gone personal. She couldn't pinpoint a specific thing or time, but she definitely classified him in more than just a 'work' file folder in her head. But what was the label on that other file folder? She didn't know. She just knew that there was one, and it was marked 'personal'.

That personal folder had received some charring when he'd gone off with his ex for the summer. She was ready to go away with him, to put it all out there (or most of it, anyway) and see where things led. Instead, she was treated to a summer alone in New York, working extremely long hours to try to erase the feeling of stupidity that she felt whenever she thought of the conversation she had been about to have with him, only to see him leave with his ex wife (amidst her promise to 'stay on top of him').

So she threw herself into her work. She welcomed the distraction, although sometimes it seemed to her that welcoming her work (murder) actually seemed a bit morbid. But oh, well, it worked at numbing her, distracting her, taking up her time. And it was the reason she met Josh.

Toward the end of the summer, she had a strange case about a murder victim with a congenital heart defect. It was an odd and complicated case, and she sought the advice of a cardiac surgeon. Josh came highly recommended and was happy to meet with her on her tight schedule despite the fact that his was equally as busy. She was immediately intrigued with him...his knowledge, his charm, and of course his looks didn't hurt anything. When he called her the day after their meeting and asked her out, she realized she had spent enough of the summer moping around and trying to forget a certain writer-who-ran-off-with-his-ex, and she accepted.

He was soooo not what she expected, and not what she was used to. He picked her up on his bike, and they rode around all day, getting out of the city, stopping in little towns and looking around. They stopped by a lake and went wading (no, she wasn't going to go skinny-dipping with him, much as she wouldn't mind watching him, she just wasn't comfortable with that yet). They found a little general store and got scoops of the best ice cream she had had in a long time. It was a mellow day, and she could think of worse ways to spend her day than with her arms wrapped around his well-developed torso as they meandered through the countryside on a vintage Harley.

That wonderful summer interlude was almost two months ago, but it was a nice memory. She still saw Josh. Not a lot, but occasionally. He knew about Rick, how he had been following her but was taking a break. He knew about Heat Wave, and about how she was the inspiration.

When she stumbled upon Rick in the murder victim's apartment and he became involved in the case again, she didn't mention it to Josh right away. She was consumed with the case, and he was covering for another surgeon anyway and was working insane hours, just as she was. Despite having the old Castle wounds open up again when she saw him, in a way she was grateful that he was back, because there was nobody else that she could go toe-to-toe with in terms of ideas, hypotheses, and reasonings, and she'd missed that, much as she might hate to admit it. She missed his off-the-wall ideas, those ideas that sometimes were so off-the-wall that they were true (truth is stranger than fiction, after all). When he kept showing up, she decided to throw caution to the wind and she made the bet with him. And then she let him win the bet so he'd keep working with her. She told herself that it was because she loved the challenge of working with him, at how he made her really think and think outside the box to solve the difficult ones.

They had a few cases together and she truly did enjoy working with him again. Sure, he got on her nerves a bit, but he still made her think, and he made her be a better cop because she was thinking outside the box. Josh was busy lately and they hadn't been able to connect much.

But then came the day when Josh found her at the precinct. Technically, he surprised her, but she knew it was inevitable that her family of coworkers (and Castle) would find out about him eventually. She LOVED how Josh handled Castle's questioning. But she didn't like the looks she got from Montgomery, Ryan and Esposito. She'd meant to mention something to them, but the time had never been right. So now she was forced into the quick introduction and the even quicker exit as everyone was watching and waiting for more.

And now...she has this great guy...Josh. He's truly awesome. And he's not hard to look at: the male version of eye candy. He's smart, he's successful, and he's a bit of a rebel. He's good to her, and he can handle her schedule because he has one that's equally as weird. He's great. So why does she find that her mind strays back to Castle every so often?

At the hospital, she asked Castle what he did this morning, after bragging that Josh saved someone's life. That was petty and low of her, and she wasn't normally like that. She regretted it instantly, but seemed to not be able to help herself, especially after the crack he made about Josh's specialty. What made her say that? Especially to the man who brought her coffee each morning, who didn't HAVE to be there but was anyway. Just because Josh saved someone's life...well, that was awesome. But it was also what he did, what he was trained to do. Castle had saved HER life several times, the most recent being when he moseyed back into her life during the counterfeiting case. And he saved it not once, but twice in about a 5 minute span of time. With no training except his own smarts. But did she ever really thank him for that? No, she didn't, but she never did. It was just part of their unspoken...what? Comraderie? Bond? Who knows?

She was more comfortable around Castle than she had ever been, but she was also more cautious about crossing that line into her personal life. She certainly didn't want to get blindsided again like she did when he ran off with Gina just as she was about to bare her soul to him. What now?

There was just something about Castle...

Even though she had Josh now, and he was just, well, awesome (not to mention yummy to look at)...she still couldn't help but wonder about...other things. Other people. And she wanted to smack some sense into herself.

She'd never let on to anyone, but she was really torn. Josh was a great guy, but for some reason, she couldn't stop thinking about Rick. He was there every day, helping her with cases again, and she realized that she had missed him during his absence. She wished he knew what he was thinking, especially when he first met Josh, and questioned him. But why did she want to know what he was thinking? Why did she care? Why would it matter, if she was with Josh?

Damn.

There was just something about Castle...

She resigned herself to the fact that at some point, she was going to have to find out what that something was. Sometimes, before Josh, she'd imagined that the 'something' was some uncontrollable lust or even romantic feelings. For Rick Castle. Ugh. And she was ready to test that out, but then he up and left, with his ex. She was hurt, she knew that. But she was smart enough to know that now that he was back and she was around him again, those feelings were still there, despite the fact that she was technically dating Josh. And at some point, she would have to figure out exactly what her feelings for Rick Castle were, and how strong they still were. She just hoped that she didn't have to hurt someone in the process.

But, geez, what was it about Castle that made her forget everything else?


That's it. I suppose I could continue it, but I wasn't sure if it was interesting enough for a second chapter. Please let me know what you think...reviews are greatly appreciated since I'm still very new at this. Thanks!

There's just something about Castle...