We're The Christmas Chipmunks!

By Coco Gash Jirachi

Disclaimer: I do not own Sukisho, or "The Twisted Christmas Chipmunk Song" by Bob Rivers Band!

Summary: Crackfic galore!! The Do-It-Alls get a job request from Matsuri for the school Candle Light Concert. And the song that they are asked to sing? The Christmas song sung by Alvin And The Chipmunks!! But then, they turn on Matsuri for a kick of their own!!


Sora's fists were clenched at his sides, his jaw dropped open in rage as he tried to let out a coherent word. Sunao had promptly fainted, and now Nanami was busy fanning his face with a paper fan in hopes of reviving him. Shinichirou was rolling the floor holding his sides as he laughed like a drunken hyena, his feet kicking in the air. Gaku was curled up into a ball on the floor, his eyes closed tightly as he cried like a young girl who had just had her pigtails pulled. Nagase stood there with his eyebrows simply twitching.

"YOU WANT US TO DO WHAT?!?!" Sora shouted, which helped in the process of waking up Sunao.

"A job is a job!!" Matsuri said, shoving the paper into the bluenette's hands with a happy smile. "Have fun rehearsing, and good luck for tomorrow night's performance!!"

Before Sora could even think of opening his mouth again, Matsuri shouted his good bye and ran off down the hallway with the three Chibiis trailing behind him dressed as elves.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE MATSURI!!!" Sora shouted as Nanami aided Sunao in standing up. "I HATE HIM ALWAYS TRICKING US INTO ACCEPTING HIS SUPER-SECRET REQUESTS!!!" He began to tear up the request form, making sure to throw it up into the air in rage. "WHY COULDN'T HE DUMP THIS ON YORU AND RAN?!?!"

"Because he's a bastard and enjoys torturing us..." Sunao replied, still feeling a little dizzy from his fall and faint.

"BUT I DON'T WANNA BE A CHRISTMAS CHIPMUNK!!!" Gaku cried.

"He's blackmailing us, Gaku-chan. We've got no choice!" Sora said, hanging his head.

"I am sick and tired of Matsuri's shenanegains!!" Sunao exclaimed, punching his fist into his left hand. "I wish there was something we could do to turn the tables on him..."

"What?" Sora's eyes widened and he turned around. "Say that again!!"

"That again!!" Gaku exclaimed before Sunao could speak.

"I wasn't talking to you!!" Sora snapped.

"I wasn't talking to you!!"

"Gaku, shut up!!"

"Gaku, shut up!!"

"Never mind!! I've got an idea!!" Sora shouted, punching his fist into the air.

"Never mind!! I've got an idea!!"


"Owiiiiiiies..."

Gaku pouted and whined as he held an icepack atop of his head.

"Sora-sempai, why did you have to hit me?"

"I would have done it if the hit didn't already shut you up." Sunao commented, leaning over the footboard of Sora's bed as the bluenette sat at his desk, typing at the computer. "So then, Kuu-chan," Sunao looked over towards his boyfriend. "What's this big idea of yours?"

"We are gonna get Matsuri back for giving us this assignment," he responded, clicking the mouse a few times before he pushed his chair out from the desk. "Took me a bit, but I found the right lyrics!!"

"Does that mean we gotta sing the hula-hoop and plane loop-the-loop song?" Gaku asked.

"Nope," Sora responded, picking up the papers that had printed out of the printer. "One for Nao," he said, handing out the papers. "One for Gaku, and one for Nagase-sempai."

"It's buchou," Gaku corrected.

"What ever," Sora said, holding his own copy of papers.

"... Kuu-chan, did you write this?" Sunao asked, his face bright red as he scanned the lyrics on the sheet.

"Nah, I'm not that smart to jump into something so quickly," Sora responded. "I got this baby from Bob Rivers."

"Who the hell is Bob Rivers?" Gaku asked.

"Some guy who basically dedicates his life to coming up with song parodies." Sunao responded. "But I have never heard this one before."

"Because you've never heard the Christmas CD Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire before," Sora said.

"Sora, what if Matsuri-chan gets mad at us for not singing the right Chipmunks song?" Gaku asked, looking up at his sempai with worried eyes.

"Matsuri let something huge slip through his fingers this time, Gaku," Sora said with a wide grin. "All he wrote in his request papers is that Sora Hashiba, Sunao Fujimori, Gaku Ichikawa and Kai Nagase be Christmas Chipmunks at tomorrow's Candle Light Concert. He didn't say what we had to sing specifically."

"... Sora Hashiba, I am impressed." Nagase said.

"Ah, it was nothing," Sora said, waving a hand.

"Don't you get cocky, now, Sora," Sunao said, poking said boy on the forehead.


"Well, you boys sure seem much more chipper than you had been yesterday!!"

Matsuri clapped his hands, which were covered with green mittens. He was dressed in a Santa outfit complete with a fake beard, but no big belly. A red collar with golden bells on it hung around his neck loosely, like a reindeer's collar.

Sora, Sunao and Gaku were each wearing brown fuzzy jumpsuits with chipmunk-eared headbands on their heads. Sora wore a red sweater over his jumpsuit, signifying that he was Alvin. He lacked a yellow A on the front of it, though, for having to come up with the sweater in an almost hurry. Gaku wore a blue sweater over his, making him Simon, and Sunao wore a green one, making him Theodore.

Nagase, who was very practical, dressed rather practically. He wore gray dress slacks, a white collared shirt, and a green and gray sweater-vest over the shirt. He was Dave, by default.

"As soon as I announce it, you guys run on stage!! You're our opening act!!" Matsuri said before he stuck his head out to look around the curtains. He blinked at the size of the crowd; all students and teachers. "Whoa!! I didn't know how many people would be coming!!"

"Neither did we..." Sora said with a grin at his fellow chipmunks.

Secretly, they had sent Yoru and Ran around the school when Matsuri was readying himself all afternoon in his dorm room. They handed out flyers galore, telling them all about a certain opening act for the school Candle Light Concert. They had been given tons of success, thanks to their little secret stunt.

"Ah, the lights are dimming!" Matsuri said in a hushed tone as the audience all quieted down.

Standing up straight with a huge smile on his face from ear-to-ear, he strutted out on stage, his long, blonde hair flowing flamboyantly behind him. As he approached the microphone, he gave it a tap with his mitten-covered fingers, hearing the taps amplify.

"Good evening, students and teachers!! And welcome to the annual Candle Light Concert!! Hosted by myself, Matsuri Honjou, Vice President of the Student Council, and President and founder of the School Do-It-All-Team!!" Matsuri announced in his cheerful voice, his smile still bright upon his face. "We've got a wonderful line of student performances tonight, and a very special opening act for us all!! So, without further adue, I give you the stars of our opening act!!"

"That's our cue!" Sunao whispered before Sora led them out on stage in a line.

"Sora Hashiba, Sunao Fujimori, Gaku Ichikawa, and Kai Nagase!! They will be performing a Christmas Chipmunk song for us!! I'm sure we'll all enjoy it!!" Matsuri announced.

"Or so he thinks..." Sora whispered into Sunao's ear.

"Boys, the stage is yours!!" Matsuri exclaimed. He then jumped down from the stage, uncaring about there being a few steps near the center of the stage. He sat down at his reserved seat with his smile unfading from his face.

"Hello? Is this thing on?" Gaku asked, tapping on the mouthpiece of his special headset. It converted all of his words into a higher pitch, ergo, giving him a chipmunk-sounding voice.

"I think it's working fine," Nagase said, his headset allowing him to speak normally.

"Okay, well, as Matsuri said, we will be performing a Christmas Chipmunk song for you all." Sora said, his voice high-pitched. He set down the CD player in his hand on a stool, and then pressed play.

The three chipmunks gathered at center stage, and the music started up.

"Alright, you chipmunks! Are you ready to sing your new song?" Nagase asked.

"I'll say we are!!" Gaku exclaimed.

"Let's get this over with..." Sunao said, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, Squeaky?" Nagase asked.

"Okay!!" Gaku responded.

"Okay, Thagadore?"

"Okay!!" Sunao responded.

"Okay, Melvin?"

Sora twisted his index finger in his nose, staring up at the stage lights.

"Melvin?"

Sora then used his same hand to scratch behind one of his chipmunk ears.

"MEEEEEEELVIIIIIIIIIIN!!!" Nagase shouted in anger.

"Relax, old man!!" Sora replied. "Jesus..."

Sora, Sunao and Gaku: Christmas chipmunks sing each year;
Squeaky rodents hurt your ears!
We'll sing back to Christmas past!
Hurry Christmas, pass real fast!

We're a pain to listen to.

Sunao: Been around since '62!

Sora, Sunao and Gaku: You could hardly stand us then,

"Uh, boys, excuse me," Nagase began.

Sora, Sunao and Gaku: Now here we come again!

"Hold it,"

Sora, Sunao and Gaku: You can hardly stand to hear,

"Look, you guys,"

Sora, Sunao and Gaku: Three weasels every year!

"Alright," Nagase began with his hands on his hips, keeping up his angry act at the three boys. "Now you know that's not how it goes, boys!"

"Yeah, well, that's how it goes now, pal!!" Sora exclaimed as the three exchanged laughs and high-fives.

"Yeah!!" Gaku pipped.

"You know, you all could be used for shampoo testing." Nagase said.

"What would you know about shampoo?!" Sunao asked, stroking his long, pink ponytail.

"Nice rug!!" Sora said as Gaku lightly pulled on a part of Nagase's hair.

"Oh, yeah, that looks real." Gaku said, rolling his eyes.

"I'll tell ya Melvin, I've got a friend in the research lab that would pay top dollar for a gerbil like you!!" Nagase said.

"Could he get me some Viagra?" Sora asked before he giggled into his hands.

"Do you want an ear growing out of your back, pal?!" Nagase snapped.

"You wouldn't dare!!" Sora said.

"Ooh, we're shaking, David!!" Sunao said, giving very fake trembles of fear.

"Do you want me to let the cat in here?!" Nagase snapped.

"Oooooh!!" Gaku exclaimed.

"Bring it on!!" Sora shouted.

Then, from the first row of the audience, hopped up none other than his kitten-nature, Ran. He donned gloves and boots on his hands and feet that gave him cat paws, a cosplay cat tail on his pants, and a cat-eared headband on his head. On all fours, he began to run around the three chipmunk boys, who were unfazed by the cat at all.

"He's a pussy!!" Sunao said, raspberrying his tongue at Ran as he circled them threateningly.

"I've been wanting to do it for years, Melvin!!" Nagase shouted.

"Nanner, nanner, naaaaaaanneeeeeeeer!!" Gaku mocked, sticking his tongue out at Nagase.

"I'll make him kill all of you!!"

"Yeah right!!" Sunao said, pouncing on Ran and pinning him down.

"THAT'S IT, I'M GONNA FIRE UP THE BARBECUE!!!"

"Oooooooh!!" All three of them pretended to shake in terror as Nanami began to fan Matsuri's face in the audience.

"You little jerks!!"

"You're a loser!!" Sora shouted.

"LOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEEEER!!!~" they all sung.

"Oh dear..." Nanami said, unable to revive the blonde boy.

Guess that means one of the chipmunks would have to take Matsuri's place as the host of the concert, then. If a roaring with cheers and laughter crowd wouldn't wake him up, then what would?

"I'll have to call Soushi, then..." Nanami sighed as he and Shinichirou picked him up to bring to the nurse's office.


OWARI

Gash: ... IT JUST HAD TO BE DONE!!! :D

Aki: -.-''' You done with your Christmas fic with the lemon in it yet?

Gash: .... Nyyyyyuuuuuu....

Aki: THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU SPEND AN HOUR WRITING THIS?!?!

Gash: Eeeeks!! Don't kill me, Akks!! (Ducks to hide underneath Zeon, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor)

Zeon: (Looks around) Did I just grow in the last three seconds?

Gash: T____T I HAD to write this!! And you know me... I'm a lemon-hesitater.

Aki: YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON IT SINCE THE DAY BEFORE DECEMBER STARTED!!!

Skylar: (Wields cleaver) Yell at my Twinny-chan again and it'll be your head!!

Aki: (Rolls eyes) Fiiiiine...

Gash: Anywho... well, did you all like my first Sukisho crackfic? And, I seriously promise, my unfinished Christmas one-shot will be done by the latest Janurary!! I give you my word as a neko girl!! And I'll have He's Having A Baby updated in a few days, too!! Probably tomorrow cuz it's getting late right now...

Zeon: (Is seated atop of the authoress' head as she stands up) Aki, did you put Miracle Grow in my cereal this morning?

Gash: So, in the mean time...

Gash and Skylar: REVIEW, PLEASE!!!

Mimi: PYUPYU, PYU!!! ^o^

Zeon: Review, or... (Thinking he is a giant) I will crush you.

Aki: ... How can a genious like him have his moments of stupidity? -____-;;;

(GASH-CHAN NOTE!!!... Hey, how ya doin'? ^-^ Just wanted to say that I got "Candle Light Concert" for a Christmas concert because it's what my school calls the concert we have right before holiday break. Okay, that's it!! Bye-byyyyye!!")