the return


Ostagar had turned into a cold wilderness. The darkspawn had taken over, removing the fortress of any traces of Grey Warden occupation, just a burnt out carnage of destruction. Sydney Amell's memories of the encampment filled with people and warmth were clouding her present vision, blurring the line between the past and present. Perhaps her mind simply could not comprehend such great loss, and it was easier to forget about it.

Alistair, however, was not one for forgetting. He looked everywhere at Ostagar, trying so hard to remember each and every detail about his time there. The mage that he had riled up, and then the first time that he met Sydney as a barefaced and nervous Grey Warden recruit. He remembered the flutter of surprise, and excitement, that he felt as he realised that there was to be a female Warden. He remembered feeling disappointed when he realised that she was likely to chose somebody else, braver and less awkward. And then he wondered if Sydney only chose him in the end because there was nobody else left. That was something that he would rather not think about.

There were swarms of darkspawn all over Ostagar, meaning that the party had to stay alert at all times. And slaughtering endless waves of hurlocks and genlocks left little time for dwelling on the past. Wynne was also affected deeply by the loss that night and returning to Ostagar was making it harder for her to move on, as everywhere she looked she could see a memory of somebody whose life was ended traitorously. However, she tried not to dwell on this, as she knew she must be strong for Alistair and Sydney, who were suffering so young and still had so much more to come, both good and bad.

"Why do darkspawn always have so much gold on them?" Sydney asked jokingly.

Alistair, however, took the question seriously, "Well… Because they take it from people after they're dead. They have no mercy."

"That's depressing. I guess that's true but what use do they have for it? I seriously doubt that darkspawn are the customer of many merchants,"

"It's a keepsake, or a trophy. For their own personal triumph, the more they have, the more they've succeeded in their lifelong quest to kill."

"You sound bitter. I personally quite enjoy killing darkspawn, so I should expect them to think the same way about me," Sydney replied with a slight smile.

Alistair laughed with no humour, "That's because I am. They killed the only people I cared about."

Sydney's smile disappeared, "I'm sorry, I was just trying to cheer you up. Obviously that did not work."

His face softened as he looked Sydney in the eyes, "No, I'm sorry, I'm beginning to get all weepy again. It's this place, we need to get out of here as soon as we've given Cailin his final rite."

They were scanning the bodies of the fallen darkspawn, and Alistair spotted something glinting amongst the dark bodies. Picking it up, he suddenly dropped it with a cry of despair. Sydney turned around at the sound, and gasped as she saw what it was.

"Oh god, it's Cailin's… His armour. Worn by the darkspawn that killed him."

Sydney reached out to Alistair's hand and held it. He gently squeezed back as he put the armour with his belongings, even though it pained him to even touch what belonged to the dead King. They had to find the rest of Cailin's things too, better that they were with the Grey Wardens than being worn by the darkspawn.

Although she did not say anything aloud, Sydney saw a tear glistening on Alistair's cheek, and she reached over and brushed it away. As they held each other, they knew that the unspoken promise to be there for each other would be enough to get them through the next few hours.