"No, you just go ahead. Go have fun," he says with a swift nod of the head. She locks her hazel eyes with his green ones, both of them wanting the other to make some sort of move.
She waits.
He waits.
Neither of them says anything.
She begins to walk away, slowly at first, facing him. She turns on her heel and heads toward her friend from the middle east, lightly tugging on her jacket.
"You ready?" he asks, leading her to Doctor Bailey who's waiting by the elevators.
"Yeah," April answers softly, glancing momentarily over her shoulder at Jackson. He sends her a smile, wishing he would come after her and come with her to the bar.
Jackson watches the pair as they head over to the exit. He studies her body language; her stiff shoulders, the regret emanating from her form. He licks his lips and raises his hand as if his arm subconsciously wants to call after her and tell her to wait, tell her to not go without him.
Today was a day they needed. They needed something to go right between them. It felt great to be able to be a team again. He and She. Everything used to be so good for them. What Jackson wouldn't give to be able to go back to that; when their biggest issue was April not eating leftovers or refusing to get her laundry sent out.
Everything just went wrong so quickly. It was partly his fault though. He could admit that himself, but why couldn't he admit that to April? It was just a hard situation. She forgot about him. She forgot that he was suffering, waiting days, weeks, and sometimes months for her to simply call him. He worried about her. How was he supposed to know she was safe? That was his job. He was supposed to keep her safe, but how could he do that when she was a world away? It doesn't matter now, though. She's almost gone. She's trying to fight for him, but he isn't letting her.
He shakes his head, looking down at his feet, realizing what he has to do. It was time to end this- this bitter, cold fight and tension that is going on between them. He heads toward the locker room, weaving quickly through the hospital. He changes quickly, slipping on a grey sweater and dark jeans, running out of the locker room and across the street to Joe's.
Jackson walks in, his hands deep in his pockets. He stands in the doorway for a second, taking in the bar's atmosphere. He remembers all of the times he used to come here after work. He remembers all the goofy and meaningful conversations he had with April after their shifts, sipping on scotch and tonic. A light smile dances on his lips as he thinks of all of their good times here.
He scans the bar, looking at all of the groups of friends scattered in booths and tables, and he spots Dr. Bailey and the guy from Jordan, but not April. He looks around again, and then he sees her. Her rusty hair falling loosely at her shoulders. Her red jacket slung over her arm as she sits on a stool, spinning slightly back and forth while sipping on her drink.
Jackson takes a deep breath and walks toward the bar. He takes a seat next to her, exhaling softly and resting his elbows on the countertop. Joe, the bartender, looks at him and Jackson nods. He fills up a cup of his favorite scotch and slides it toward him.
Neither of them acknowledge each other. He can feel her tense up, and he can't say he hasn't done the same. They both take a long sip of their drinks at the same time, the hot liquid burning down their throats.
"Hey," he says, finally, glancing over at her before looking back down at his hands wrapped around his cup.
"Hey, Jackson," she responds simply.
She hasn't looked at him yet.
"I, um, I, why aren't you over there with Bailey and that Jordan guy?" he says brashly, stuttering over his words. He motions over April's right shoulder at the two, watching them animatedly tell stories.
April glances over there, too, and looks back, for the first time making eye contact with him. "Oh, yeah. I came over here to get a drink, but that was twenty minutes ago. I guess I lost track of the time. They seem to be having a good time, though," she adds with a light chuckle.
"I should have come here," he states bluntly, as he takes another small sip of his scotch. He watches her as she reacts. She shivers quickly, caught off guard by his comment.
"You should have," she agrees, nodding her head slowly.
They sit in silence again. This time it's more comfortable, though. The pair finishes their respective drinks quickly, signaling for Joe to give them a refill.
"I should have done a lot of things," he says suddenly. He wraps his fingers around his cup, and looks at her. His eyes turn dark when they meet hers, and they hold that gaze for a few moments.
"I, um, I don't know what to say, Jackson," she says. She breaks their eye contact and plays with her thumbs in her lap.
"April," he says, knowing that's all he needs to say to make her look at him again.
"Look, we've both made mistakes, and I'm no stranger to running away," she begins, Jackson nods his head waiting for her go on. "But the difference between us right now is I never gave up on us." She pauses, swallowing. "And, you? You did."
Jackson looks away this time, pursing his lips and running his hand over the back of his head.
What is he supposed to say to that?
It's the truth.
"I know, and right now, I know that tI shouldn't have," he musters out. "It's just, you left, April. You left me. All I did was worry and worry, then you came home. I thought things were going to be okay with us. But, I asked you to stay, and you left again. It just seems like you gave up on us long before I did."
He doesn't want to start a fight.
It's too late though, he can tell just by her body language.
"No, Jackson, that's different and you know it."
"Is it? Is it really that different, April? Maybe it is, because it's worse. What you did to me was worse than what I did to you," he says, losing his temper. After he speaks, he wishes he could take it back.
"It's not about me, and it's not about you anymore. It's about us. It's been about us for the past few years, now, and maybe since you can't see that, there isn't an us to fight about," she counters definitely. She finishes her drink in one swift motion and stands up briskly, tossing a twenty down on the bar.
"April," he says, but she ignores her. He clenches his teeth, and sits there.
They made progress today. At least he thought so. They hugged. They talked. The succeed as a team for the first time in a long time. Things were starting to look up for them. Then, he ruined it.
Jackson finished his drink and tossed another twenty down on the bar, waiving good bye to Joe before heading out the door.
He knocks on the red door, even though he has a key. It seems like the right thing to do. She doesn't have to answer, he knows. But, maybe, she might.
Minutes pass. He doesn't hear a sound. He thinks about leaving. Would that be giving up yet again?
The door opens.
"Jackson?" she says, her voice filled with confusion.
"April, listen to me, okay?" he says. She opens her mouth to speak but he continues before she has a chance. "I've messed up. I've done a lot of things that have only hurt us. I've been an asshole, I've been vindictive and mean, and I've been a bad friend and husband. But, I'm not ready. I'm not ready to give on us. It's probably going to get worse before it gets better, but I'm willing to fight for us. I'm willing to burn it all the ground for us. You mean everything to me, April, and a world without you is a world I don't want to live in. It's me and you, it always has been," he finishes in a rush.
She looks at him, unsure how to respond. He could easily hurt her again, but the desperation is genuine in his plea. She exhales slowly and steps aside, leaving space for him to pass inside.
"Me and you."
