This fic is dedicated to the memory of the character of Doctor Charles Kroger from USA's Monk. This is a joint fic attempt with my sisters.

We do not own the following:

-Pepperidge Farm cookies

-Back to the Future

-Monk

-The Fairly Odd Parents

-The Time Machine

-Twilight

-Harry Potter

-Meet the Robinsons

-The Space-Time Continuum

-Wayside School


It was 4:00 on a Thursday afternoon. But you couldn't be sure of that time, because the members of the particular group therapy group meeting at this rather hazy time were responsible for screwing up the space-time continuum so badly it might as well be October 26, 1955-10:04 PM. But that would be really hard to fix on a calendar. So for all intents and purposes, it was a Thursday.

Dr. Charles Kroger laid out some Pepperidge Farm cookies for his patients, who would shortly be arriving. None of them actually Pepperidge Farm cookies, but Dr. Kroger did. His patients didn't like root beer, either (which was also sitting upon the table).

As the clock chimed 4:00 (or 10:04 PM or whatever because it doesn't matter) the patients slowly filed in. Dr. Kroger did not want to be the mediator of this particular therapy group; he only did it so it would look good to his colleagues in Australia (but since the space-time was so messed up, his colleagues might as well be in Forks, Washington).

The first patient to sit timidly upon the cold folding chair was Hermione Granger, her bushy hair bushier than ever due to her long broomstick flight from England, where she was a student at a certain magical place of learning in a particular series of books written by a particular and particularly wealthy British author. Hermione Granger is actually a fictional character, but for the purpose of this story, she sat in the cold folding chair and reached for a Mint Milano.

Dr. Kroger smacked her hand away with a fierce "You don't like those!"

Hermione promptly burst into tears.

Dr. Kroger was gentler with his next words. "That's why you're here. To deal with your strong aversion to Pepperidge Farm cookies which you are slowly building."

Hermione wiped her tears. "But I do love them!"

"No, you don't." Dr. Kroger pulled out a pickle-shaped jewel and swung it before Hermione's eyes. "Repeat after me: I hate Pepperidge Farm cookies."

"I hate Pepperidge Farm cookies," Hermione slowly repeated in a dazed and hypnotized fashion.

Dr. Kroger smiled. Hypnotism. It never got old.

Next, in bounced that Lewis kid from "Meet the Robinsons". He waved to Dr. Kroger, said a perky and happy "Hello!" and sat down in the only cushiony chair available, where he was given a cold stare by Hermione.

"Hey," said Lewis. "Don't look at me that way. You didn't see it. Hey, Pepperidge Farm cookies! I hate those! Where's your fridge?"

"In the back," said Dr. Kroger, gesturing.

Lewis soon came back with a bottle of Jones Soda and a giant hotdog, He ate happily.

Next, in sailed Timmy Turner on his time scooter.

"Those are forbidden!" Dr. Kroger screamed.

"Lewis brought his!" He pointed at Lewis's giant time Harley Davidson parked on Dr. Kroger's Persian Rug.

"Where did that come from?" asked Dr. Kroger.

"From the alternate timeline, of course!" said Lewis.

Hermione randomly burst into tears. "I'm cool in the alternate timeline! I have friends besides those two stupid boys!"

The next patient to arrive was the guy from H. G. Well's classic novel The Time Machine. He was mysterious and shadowy and he was being chased by Morlocks.

"You're not allowed!" said Dr. Kroger.

The Morlocks sadly walked away.

Next to arrive was Alice. Alice was so much hotter than Hermione. Her skin was pure and white with beautiful purple shadows under her eyes, like bruises from being beaten by a mortal. But on her, it was hot. Because vampires are like that. She had a dazed look in her beautiful eyes. "They're coming for you!" she cried. "They're coming for you!"

No one bothered to ask who she was talking to.

Finally, the last patient arrived. A man simply known as the Doc. But not just any Doc. Doctor Emmett L. Brown. He was a crazy old wild-eyed scientist who had fooled around too much in the ways of time travel.

Dr. Kroger smiled and clapped his hands. "Well, then. Shall we begin if you'll all take a seat?"

Doc pulled out a fancy hover chair he invented himself.

"Welcome to our first official meeting of Time Travelers' Anonymous," said Dr. Kroger. "Let's begin by getting to know one another. We'll start with… me."

"But you're not a time traveler!" said Doc.

"So?" said Dr. Kroger. "I've read sci-fi novels and fanfics. I've watched those Back to the Future movies. In fact, I own the special three-disk DVD set. And I'm the one making the big bucks here and I'M THE DOC!! So I get to first."

Doc looked angry and threw a wooden train at Dr. Kroger's head.

It missed and bounced off of Hermione's bushy hair. She still broke into sobs.

"I'm Dr. Charles Kroger. And technically, I died of a heart attack three years ago. But I'm so cool and amazing that I warrant being brought back in a fanfic. I hate Dr. Bell because he thinks he's so cool when in reality his stories stink. I just want to look good for my son who hates me." He smiled at the group. "Hermione, would you like to go next?"

"Yes."

"Too bad! Alice, you're next."

Alice waved to the group. "Hi, I'm Alice. I like to make out with my so-called adoptive brother who is really my husband. I look into the future and see what horrible things will happen so I can get my mortal friends into equally mortal danger. I can't time travel, but my eyes can! In fact, they do it most of the time now so I don't know what's happening in the present! Where am I? Didn't this already happen? We had this session last week! Well, if we're having it now, that means… ah, man! Bella's in another scrape as we speak! Too bad Edward can't save her."

It was now Hermione's turn. Really. "Hi, I'm Hermione. I'm not a witch. I don't go to school in a magical land. My parents are not dentists. I do not love a certain red-haired boy whose name is not Ron Weasley. I'm here because my friend Harry who is being attacked by the Dark Lord as we speak thinks I rely too much on my time turner because I travel into the future all the time to see my marriage to a certain red-haired boy whose name is not Ron Weasley. We get married at the Chapel O' Love and then we live in Hilldale right next door to the McFlys. Marty McFly is nice. He bakes us cookies shaped like little Deloreans."

Doc shook his fist. "I hate that kid. He burned down my house with a marshmellow and he messed up the entire space-time continuum three times. But who gets sent to therapy? Me! All because my wife gets mad at me spending all my time tinkering around in the garage making time machine out of anything that moves. Like the cat that we bought Jules for Christmas. Fluffy was his only friend. And Jules was chasing him even as he was being sent to another dimension. So we sent Jennifer after the cat with the time backpack and the time spatula. Jennifer's a smart girl. She'll be okay. So that was the last straw. So Clara threw a really cool purple hat at me and scheduled this very therapy session."

"Hmm…" said Dr. Kroger thoughtfully. "I see." He straightened a cushion while looking through a Where's Waldo book. "Okay. Mr. Shadowy Man?"

The mysterious from H. G. Well's classic novel The Time Machine only said "I don't have a time travel problem. I have a Morlock problem. They're after me. I see them when I sleep. Growling at me. Making large machines to destroy me. I never should have gone to that distant future." He sighed dramatically.

Next came Lewis. "I have a time travel problem because my future son is an idiot. I'm so grounding him when I grow up and marry that hot girl from the science fair."

"I only traveled through time in one episode!" said Timmy. "It was fun. It had lots of references to my favorite movie Back to the Future. That's a great movie."

Dr. Kroger had to agree. Back to the Future was a good movie. He was going to buy it in Blue-Ray one of these days. "So," he said "How do you all feel about time travel?"

No one answered

Finally, sick of the awkward silence, Doc began. "I only invented time travel to get away from Marty McFly—"

"That's my neighbor in the future!" said Hermione.

"But after that," Doc continued, ignoring Hermione. "Time travel changed my life. Because time travel is my life. Before time travel, I was just a man. But now… I'm a man who can time travel!!!"

The Time Machine guy applauded. "I know exactly how you feel! I don't even know my own name, but I know how you feel! I'm simply… that guy!"

"From that time on," said Doc. "Time travel solved all of my life problems. It helped me find a wife. It helped me temporarily ditched Marty even though he chased after me. But what do you do about a kid like that? He reminds me of that kid over there," he said, pointing to Timmy.

"Why don't you tell the group why you so hate this Mary McFly and Deloreon-shaped cookies?" asked Dr. Kroger. "I believe he is the source of your time-traveling angst."

"I remember when I first met Marty McFly. I was a judge at the junior high school science fair. Marty had created a machine that helped you to retrieve lost memories."

Lewis suddenly looked offended. "But that was my machine! Mine! And then my psycho roommate with all the issues destroyed it!"

"I told you he was evil," Doc said softly. "Evil! Well, when he carried in the machine, he dropped it in the piranha tank. Why there was a piranha, we'll never know. Does anyone ever know? But that is where he dropped it."

"And he released all the piranhas?" Alice asked.

"No. Nothing happened. He just dropped it in the tank. Then he pulled it out again. But after that, oh, that's when the trouble began. He was so inspired by the event, he made a band called Piranha Tank Science Experiment. And then he snuck into my garage so his band could use my amplifier. So I put a bomb in the amplifier and told him it was a mistake. Of course, this was after his band was platinum and threw him out. He had another band at that time. But I felt so bad about the bomb."

"Did you really?" asked Dr. Kroger.

"No. But I thought you had to be all emotional and guilt-ridden at these things."

"Y'know," said Hermione. "I never liked Mary's cookies in the future. And he stole our paper! And his kids were really annoying. And ugly! He had one daughter that looked like a man!"

"And this other time," continued Doc. "He threw a flaming marshmallow. He was trying to impress a girl, even though no girl will ever love him. The flaming marshmallow burnt down my house! He also stole my Toaster."

"My scooter's name is Toaster!" shouted Timmy. "Why would he steal Toaster?"

"Toaster is the perfect name for a scooter. He would probably try to steal yours, too."

Timmy shook his fist.

"And then, back in 1955, I tried to kill him with a lightning bolt and a car and clock tower. If my calculations had been correct, the clock tower should have fallen on him. Instead, he just went back to the future. And then he came back and said he was back. Back from the future."

"He must created the Morlocks!" screamed that guy from The Time Machine. "They're from the future! He would!"

"Yeah, but Marty only went like thirty years into the future, not the eons of your silly book."

"It is not a silly book! It's my life's work!"

Alice grabbed a pitchfork out of nowhere. "I say we burn Marty McFly! Find him and burn him and drink his blood! Because I like to drink human blood! I only pretend to be a vegetarian!"

Dr. Kroger was so happy to see such passion from his patients. "I think we're accomplishing something. I think a quest to destroy Marty McFly is just what we need."

To Be Continued...