Neither Aliens nor Angels nor Angeloids
Crimson: Oh yes, I'm doing it!
Rito: What are you doing Crimson?
Ikaros: He's added me to the cast of characters.
Rito: Miss Ikaros of SNO/HLP? Why?
Crimson: This will explain it, one second.
Summary: As If Rito didn't have enough troubles with Lala and her alien family, suitors, and assassins, Rito's life has been thrown into disarray when a certain Angeloid pops into his life, will Rito be able to catch any sort of break? Limes, Lemons, and Messiness Ahoy!
Rito: You got an automatic speaker?
Crimson: Of course, but you still need to do the disclaimer.
Rito: Why?! You have the speaker!
Crimson: It's only for the descriptions if I make new stories.
Ikaros: Mind if I say it, Master Crimson?
Crimson: Not at all Ikaros, and please, call me Crimson, it rolls off the tongue nicer then Master Crimson.
Rito: You better not corrupt her!
Crimson: Oh, don't worry, she's not mine to corrupt, she's yours.
Rito: Wait, WHAT?!
Ikaros: AHEM! CrimsonFucker4455 does not own either the To Love Ru or Heaven's Lost Property stories or licenses, he does own this Fanfic Idea though.
Crimson: Very good Ikaros, would you like something to drink?
Ikaros: Tea please.
Crimson: Alright then, oh, and one more thing for you all to chew on, this story doesn't take place in the TLR: R or Cannon TLR/SNO/HLP timelines. Thank you all and I'll see you at the end of the chapter.
"Welcome home, master!": Normal speech
"What happened just now?": Thoughts
"FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!": Robotic Speech/ Angeloid Transformations
"Will this suffice?": Robotic Thoughts/ Angeloid Abilities
Chapter 1: Out of the Fire, into a Volcano
Rito slowly woke up in his bed, stretched, and yawned, hearing two other females snoring. Rito looked to his left and saw Lala Satalin Deviluke, First in line to the Devilukian royal throne. He looked to his right and saw Haruna Sairenji, his old crush and one of his current girlfriends. You all heard that correctly, one of his girlfriends, Lala, Momo, Nana, Yami, Yui, Run and Risa were his other girlfriends, the entire Seinan High male side of the school took heavy envy of Rito, all due to the fact of a mishap on Momo's behalf.
To sum up what happened, Momo spiked Rito's drink with a lust drug and he went on a massive sex spree, bagging himself eight women in total. To say Rito was no longer a virgin was a massive understatement, during the sex spree, he had awakened some of his own primal urges that were locked away by not only his shyness, but clumsiness as well. He popped his cherry with Lala, and moved on to Haruna, then Momo, then Nana, then Yami (Surprisingly enough), then Run, then Risa, then finally Yui. All the women he fucked showed signs of their own perversions as well, and what he remembered shocked him at first.
Lala loved Oral and Foreplay, Risa loved being dominated or vice versa, Momo was just a freak when it came to sex, Nana was worryingly into anal play, Run loved being videotaped while the two of them fucked, Yui loved threesomes and rimjobs, Yami also loved being dominated, but also loved being the dominator with a futa trans, though Haruna was an entirely different person all together when the fucked, as they always say, "It's always the quiet ones."
Rito got out of the bed, both females whining as they lost Rito's heat signature. He slipped on a set of boxers and a tank top, today was Saturday and there was no school to go to right now, so he slipped on a pair of jeans, a tee-shirt, and a hoodie. He went down to the kitchen and saw Mikan making everyone breakfast, she saw Rito and said in a teasing voice, "Ah, mister Casanova has come down from his room to grace me with his presence."
Rito groaned and sat down in a chair, saying, "I don't need this right now Mikan, I know you're trying to make a situation light hearted and such, but please, I'm not in the best of moods. I get enough problems from the males of my school which happen to hunt me down any time I go outside."
Rito was right in every sense of the word, ever since the entire school caught wind that Rito had bagged eight women, their hatred for him seemed to only get worse, it didn't help that Momo's Fan club, The Venus Momo Club/TVMC, or to put as Momo put it, pathetic idiots who disregarded her personal space, had placed a very hefty bounty on Rito's head for and I quote, 'Tainting the busty younger sister of your fiancé'. Almost all the males in the club had hunted him inside and outside the school, it didn't help that every other male caught wind of the bounty, now Rito was Public Enemy Number One. Yui placed Rito under protection with the Correctional Committee, and even they were helpless to stop the influx of males wanting his bounty.
Mikan sighed and said, "Sorry Rito, still not accustomed to reading your new moods, it used to be so simple with reading your emotions, you'd normally have extatically happy, pissed scared, or blindingly worried."
Rito sat down at the table and grabbed tufts of his hair in his hands, saying, "Well I didn't have to deal with eight rowdy, lustful girlfriends to juggle dates, sex, and spending time with them in general."
Mikan looked back to Rito with a disapproving glare and said, "You're saying that you regret getting with them?"
Rito raised his hands and said, "Far from it! It's just that I never expected my life would get so hectic from being engaged to Alien Royalty."
Mikan and Rito shared a shutter, multiple alien assassins, multiple suitor candidates, psychopathic royalty, over-protective fathers, all in the span of two to three years.
Rito heard Lala and Haruna start to wake up and sighed, "Looks like the two of them are getting up."
Mikan nodded, knowing of who he was talking about, since he's been sleeping with Haruna and Lala most of the time whether they had sex or not.
Mikan opened the fridge, remained silent, sighed then pulled out the last bits food, then said to Rito, "Hey Rito? Can you go to the supermarket? We're out of almost everything, for some reason."
Rito sighed in annoyance, aware of who had been nomming on the food after dark, both he and Mikan were completely aware who was the food eater, and no matter how many times the person was told to not cook and eat everything, the person still did it.
Rito made his way to the front door and saw Momo walking down the stairs, wearing nothing but one of Rito's large button-up shirts and a pair of thin panties. Momo grinned and was about to tackle Rito, when she saw Mikan get in front of her saying, "Kitchen, now."
Momo pouted and said, "Can't I just go with him?"
Mikan already had a glare on it, and it was worsening by the second, making Momo shrink back, "Need I remind you that you all had a fucking orgy yesterday? I heard everything!"
Momo grinned and said in a slightly perverted tone, "What? You jealous that you didn't get to join? We can always use another woman in the mix."
If looks could kill, Momo would've already been shredded seven times over. Mikan was giving Momo a look of pure anger, Rito was giving Momo of utter disgust. "Must you lewd everything you lay eyes upon?" Mikan asked in a strained and annoyed tone.
Momo grinned and said, "There's always room for a younger sister member in the harem."
Rito gave Momo a withering look and said, "Do you understand that we have a family styled bond, not the bond of lovers?"
Momo grinned and said, "We could change either your or Mikan's Genes."
Both Yuuki siblings looked at each other and the same look of, 'Fucking Really?!' was etched into their faces. Mikan pinched the bridge of her nose and Rito facepalmed at Momo's supposed 'Harem Plan'. "She's been playing too many eroges and reading too much harem manga." Both Yuuki siblings thought at the same time.
Rito turned around to the door and Mikan grabbed Momo's arm and dragged her to the kitchen, much to Momo's protests. Rito left the house and made his way to the supermarket with Mikan's list in hand.
Rito passed by many businesses and all Rito heard was about the mysterious black void making its way across Japan. Rito wanted to believe that it would pass right by Seinan, but Rito's gut told him that it was harboring something and was going to drop it in the city. Seinan was a large hotspot for weird and odd occurrences.
Well after Rito picked up all the food they needed (and at a hefty price for it all), Rito made his way back home with all the food in his arms. Rito passed by a set of TVs playing news broadcasts on the mysterious black hole in the sky. "Researchers are utterly baffled on what this spectral anomaly is." Rito heard the news anchor say to the screen.
Rito quickly made his way back to the Yuuki Household and, for once, got back with no incidents regarding other males from his school.
The entire day passed, and it was now after dinner, Rito felt like he needed some fresh air and said, "I'm going out for a bit, don't know when I'll be back."
Mikan said, "Be back soon Rito." And continued to work on the dishes.
Rito walked out of the house and randomly went wherever his feet took him. A quarter of an hour later, he found himself in front of the Seinan City Park. He was well acquainted with this park since Gid made the park his final challenge in Gid's "You must earn my Daughter's Hand in Marriage" thing. Rito almost lost that day from being dragged away from the finish line.
Rito walked into the park and went deeper than he ever went before. He found a clearing with a grove of Cherry Blossom Trees and sat with his back to one of the trees, looking at the sky, thinking.
He must've been there for a half an hour since the house phone was calling his personal cellphone. Rito accepted the call and said, "Hey Mikan, what's-"
Rito heard Lala's frantic breath and she asked immediately, "Rito, where are you?!"
Rito said, "I'm at the park, why?"
"Get away from the park! Something is happening there! I'm not…" Rito heard Lala say before she began to cut out.
"Lala?" Rito asked, "You there?"
Lala's voice came out as distorted and hard to make out, but what Rito got from it was, "GE… F TH… OW!"
Then the call disconnected, Rito looked at the phone and saw that he had no bars. "What the hell?" Rito asked himself, only now realizing that it was darker than normal.
Rito looked up, paling as he saw the void in the sky above himself and the park. Rito then saw a speck of gold in the void, only to realize it was getting bigger by the second. "Fuck!" Rito yelled and started sprinting away. Barely thirty seconds later the golden speck turned into a massive golden sphere and slammed into the ground sending dirt and gravel everywhere.
Rito was launched off his feet and into one of the Cherry Blossom Trees, feeling his body crying out in a major amount of pain. "Okay, that fucking hurt!" Rito groaned and picked himself up.
He went over to the crater that the Sphere landed in, only to find a girl with angelic styled wings and was wearing what looked to be a weird form of a steampunk angel outfit.
Rito looked into the crater and said, "Not the weirdest way to meet someone." He then slid into the crater and picked up the girl and carried her out. As if Fate decided to screw with Rito some more, pillars of pure marble began dropping from the void all around the two of them.
Rito rushed away from the falling pillars, making sure to avoid any ones that looked to be falling near them. It seemed like Rito had avoided all of them when a shadow covered the both Rito and the girl, Rito looked up and paled, seeing one of the pillars above them. Rito could do nothing except for wait in his final moments of his life. Rito closed his eyes, expecting to feel the slight pain of being crushed, not the feeling of weightlessness.
Rito opened his eyes and saw that he was now flying in the arms of the girl he was carrying. "Begin imprinting process." The girl said, and Rito saw what looked to be a collar around her neck with a chain attached to it, the weird thing was, the chain was moving closer to his hand, almost like it was extending. Rito heard the metallic clacking of chains locking around his left hand, Rito brought it up to his face, and yes indeed, the girl had somehow lengthened the chain and made it wrap around his hand.
Both Rito and the girl landed on the ground, at the same park. Now in the moonlight, Rito could see her more clearly. She had dulled pink hair with a bit of brunette in the tips of her hair. Her outfit seemed to give a lot of cleavage and she seemed to be wearing a miniskirt that hugged her frame tightly. Rito also noticed the two white and black ear piece thingies and realized that those might've been added to her skull. The Girl got down on her knees and said, "It is a pleasure to meet you. I am a Pet-class Angeloid," She looked up to Rito, "My purpose is to fulfill your every want and desire, you are my Master."
Rito looked to her, the chain, and back for what seemed to be a full four to five minutes. He'd thought he had seen it all at this point, he could handle anything the universe threw at him he thought. Ironically, it seemed like Madam Fate wanted nothing more than to fuck with Rito's already questionable life. Rito's mind ended up going a mile a minute, then it came to a screeching and grinding halt. He looked to the chain wrapped around his hand and thought, "I'm fucked."
CHAPTER 1: COMPLETED!
Crimson: There we fucking go!
Rito: So now what?
Ikaros: Crimson? What's next?
Crimson: It's all well in hand you two, don't worry.
Rito: Whenever you say not to worry, I worry.
Crimson: Please Rito, trust me on this. ANYWHO! This has been CrimsonFucker4455 with the First Chapter of Neither Aliens nor Angels nor Angeloids, PEACE!
Ikaros: Who are you talking to?
Crimson: I am not fucking surprised at this point.
