Don't Touch Means Don't Touch!
By Mickey

Status: Completed 1/23/2010

Season: 4

Archive Permission: Ask first.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.

Word Count: 1177

Author's Notes: Written for the Stargatedrabbles list's Nov 12, 2008 four word a phrase challenge. Rubber Duck, Half Baked, Concoction, and Bug - Phrase "Carter/McKay, I don't know what the hell you just did, but you've got exactly FIVE minutes to fix it!" I started this quite a while back and just got around to tweaking/finishing it. It was originally supposed to be a one-shot fic, but I realized how well it went with "It Ain't Easy Being Four" and tweaked it to be the prequel for that. Chronologically, this comes first although "It Ain't Easy" was written first. Hadn't really intended it to, but this has become a series. :::Sighs::: Like I really need another one of those going! Many thanks to Annie for the beta on this part!


"Oh, come on, Sheppard!" Rodney began, hating the touch of a whining tone in his voice but not caring. "This is what we're here for, isn't it? To explore and discover new technology and all that jazz? Well, that's what I want to do here."

"I said no, McKay." Holding up a hand, Sheppard pinned Rodney with a sharp glare. "Do not touch that thing until you have a better understanding of what it does. The Ancients shut that thing down for a reason and I'd really rather not find out the hard way what that reason might be."

Scowling, Rodney watched as Sheppard turned to leave. Over his shoulder, the colonel added, "And that's an order!"

Reaching out, he thought, Really, what harm could it do? What Sheppard doesn't know won't hurt him. Wiping away some of the thick layer of dust, he turned a knob.

Sparks emitted from the device and a blinding white light filled the room.

Rodney cringed and muttered, "Oh, crap," as Sheppard bellowed his name

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"McKay, I don't know what the hell you just did, but you've got exactly FIVE minutes to fix it!"

McKay blinked rapidly, trying to get rid of the bright dots dancing before his eyes. He looked around trying to find the angry colonel, afraid of what might have happened to make him sound that mad. Looking down, he gasped in shock and took a step back. "Uhhh, I... ah...," he stuttered, "there must be some kind of bug in the system. I'm fairly certain the machine is not supposed to do that."

There, three feet from him stood one scowling, dust covered, Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, who was now no more than three and-a-half feet tall.

"Fairly certain! You were messing with that damn thing and you don't know! You said it was harmless."

A very, very angry lieutenant colonel.

"Actually, what I said was... " Seeing a look that promised unpleasant consequences if he continued that sentence, Rodney stopped mid-sentence and decided to change tactics. "Well, I, uh, I suppose it could be worse," McKay said with a small shrug.

"Could be worse," Sheppard stuttered in disbelief. "How, Rodney? I look like a damn four year-old!"

Rodney couldn't help but smile as he watched the colonel hitch his sliding pants back up. He dropped the smile though when Sheppard looked back up at him, glaring daggers.

Coolly, Sheppard said, "You know, Rodney, I still have my weapons. All of them. And I still remember how to use each and every one of them very well... Even the knives."

Rodney gulped. Knives? As in plural of knife? He carried more than one! Ronon was definitely a bad influence on the colonel. The look on the other man's face told Rodney he wasn't kidding. Crap!

"You and your half-baked ideas. I told you not to touch that stupid device until you knew more about it."

"McKay, Sheppard," Ronon's voice called out into the small room, "are you alright?"

"Yes," Rodney answered as Sheppard bellowed, "Hell no!" then demanded, "Do I look alright?"

Ronon, with Teyla close behind, entered the room a few seconds later. They both stopped short and stared in wide-eyed shock as they saw the colonel.

Resisting the urge to chuckle as Sheppard made a gesture with his hand up and down his body as he spoke, then quickly clutched at his drooping pants, Rodney said, "We've had a slight... mishap."

Sheppard's eyebrows shot up at Rodney's remark. "He shrunk me," he accused. "I'd say that's a lot more than a 'slight mishap'!

Rodney threw his hands up defensively. "Hey! It's not my fault. Well, not really. I mean, I did turn it on, I guess, but how was I supposed to know it would do that?" He waved his hand in Sheppard's direction as he spoke. Then he turned back towards the device. "Maybe if I turn this knob in the other direction then turn it back on, it'll reverse the process."

Three voices shouted the same reply, "No!"

"We should take him to Doctor Beckett," Teyla said.

Nodding in agreement, Rodney muttered, "Fine."

Sheppard looked ready to argue, but seemed to think better of it and nodded his agreement.

Rodney briefly considered taking Sheppard by the hand. Seeing the scowl still on the boy's face, and considering that Sheppard apparently had all his memories -and, likely, all his old "talents"- he wisely decided that would probably not be the best course of action. Instead, he waved his hand in front of him, motioning the boy forward. Ignoring the steady stream of curses and threats of future bodily harm if he couldn't undo what he'd done, Rodney followed his pint-sized commander and their teammates to the infirmary.

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"What the hell is that concoction?" John asked, scrunching up his nose and refusing to take the small cup Beckett was offering.

"It's just some medicine to help you sleep," Beckett replied.

"Beckett, I may look like a kid, but I assure you I am not! I am also still armed and quite capable of using my weapons." John glared at the doctor, daring him to try and force him to drink the gooey looking substance.

With an audible sigh, Beckett took the cup back. "Sorry, lad." John watched as he waved a nurse over and handed the cup to her. Beckett then turned back towards him. Hearing a noise coming from behind the doctor, John peered around him and saw Colonel Carter entering the infirmary. When their eyes met, John could see both worry and amusement there.

Personally, John didn't think the situation was the least bit funny. Although, he did begrudgingly admit that he looked ridiculous in his now oversized clothes. If it had happened to anyone else, he'd be amused too.

"Exactly what happened here?" Colonel Carter asked.

Pointing an accusing finger at his scientist friend, John answered first. "He shrunk me!"

Staring at the child on the exam table in disbelief, she looked at him skeptically and asked, "John?"

"Yeah, it's me. Rodney shrunk me. I look like a damn four year-old now." Glaring at his friend the whole time, John explained what had happened in the ancient lab.

With increasing irritation, John thought, they are way too amused with this. Seeing them all, even Ronon, failing miserably to repress their grins, John hopped off the exam table unassisted. With just a little stumble, he landed on his feet and stalked towards the infirmary door. Ignoring Beckett's protests he, called out, "I'll be in my quarters." Brushing dust from his hair, he mumbled, "I need a shower." As he reached the door, he turned and pinned McKay with a look that promised imminent, slow, and painful death if his order was not complied with, John barked, "You'd better get your six down to that lab and fix this!"

McKay gulped.

Doing an about face, Sheppard left without another word.

Unable to hold back a smile as the infirmary doors started to slid shut, Rodney called out, "Hey, Sheppard, want a rubber duck?"

TBC