Welcome to Daytopia

Season 1

Ep. 1 – Pilot

1st Announcer – Zekelynn

ZEKELYNN:

Welcome Daytopia University... Welcome.

[INSERT SOUND EFFECT]

2nd Announcer: Borjeesh

ZEKELYNN:

In news today, Public Safety was called out to the Cecil and The Tower dormitories. Nobody knows why they were called, we suspect our rivals, the Riverwide Crazies, have something to do with it. Will this ruin our chances at the telekinesis ball game next week since all of our telekinesis ball team members live in the two dorms? How do I explain telekinesis ball? (hmm) It is a sport in where you CANNOT touch the ball; in the case that players do end up touching the ball they disappear in a puff of smoke only to reappear on top of the reeducation building, the big black box, located near the Electric Cage of Joy between THE Library and Sneld hall. Back on the field onlookers SHOULD NOT notice that all the players that touch the ball are being replaced by Silencers, immediately ending the game when all players have been replaced by Silencers because WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW ABOUT SILENCERS.

In other news, Powell dormitory has opened today. Nobody is allowed in this dorm, but somehow they have opened it. It might have something to do with Silencers. (Sighs loudly) Those Silencers. Always up to something. Or maybe not. By the way (gets loud) DO NOT LOOK AT THE SILENCERS! These shadowy fig...I'm sorry listeners the professor is getting agitated at my mention of the silencers so I will stop now. He keeps staring at me though listeners, as though I was a walking blood bank.

Today is Vulture Pride day. Activities are all over campus. ALL... OVER... CAMPUS... Activities like run from the vultures marathon through the campus hole. Watch out for Vultures while participating these campus activities. They have a tendency to stare at prospective Freshmen, staring longingly into their vague eyes, watching them as though they are ready to pounce. We don't know what it is about them, but there is something different about them. We don't know for sure, but they have that look. Listeners, I cannot explain this. That pale, pale look. It's just so... pale. Blindingly pale.

There is a Vulture in the studio right now, staring at my fellow announcer. He is standing beside a Silencer. I cannot look at the Silencer, listeners. I can't look at the Vulture. In the course of the time in my position, this has never happened before, listeners. Might it have something to do with... or with... I honestly cannot say, listeners. Something is averting my eyes. Oh look a squirrel.

THE WHISPER:

Hungry. They are hungry.

ZEKELYNN:

Oh, by the way, DO NOT FEED THE SQUIRRELS! EVERYTIME YOU FEED THE SQUIRRELS THEY GET BIGGER... AND BIGGER... AND BIGGER! Be careful when you walk to the cafeteria, Queasie. Or your classes. Which may not exist. Since professors are rumored to not exist.

And now scheduling with my fellow announcer. I do not know his name. I may never know his name. He may not even exist. I have never ever heard his voice. Rumor has it that his name might be... I don't know.

THE WHISPER:

Borjeesh.

ZEKELYNN:

I can't recall what his name was rumored to be; I suspect Public Safety might be infiltrating my memories.

BORJEESH:
Thank you other announcer whom I may have never met. Is your name …. I don't know either.

THE WHISPER:

Zekelynn

BORJEESH:

Right to scheduling; Monday has been cancelled because nobody has attended classes. Tuesday has been cancelled because it is the new Monday. Wednesday has been cancelled because of the concert. Dress rehearsal is never. Thursday is not cancelled. But nobody does anything on Thursday anyway. Friday has been cancelled because of Rebecca Black. Curse you Rebecca Black. Curse you and your offspring. Saturday has been cancelled because the Administration believes we need more schooling. Administration is very mysterious. Nobody knows who they are. Nobody has even seen them. Do they exist? Are they shadowy figures? The college may never know. The more you know. The more you may not know. Sunday has been cancelled because of too much sun.

We'll be right back after these trumpet lessons...

[INSERT TRUMPET SOUND HERE. 20 SECONDS]

ZEKELYNN:

Thank you, Trumpeter. I just received a news item from a reporter writing for the Watergate Scandal, our campus newspaper. Written on toilet paper. Books are eating people. Books are bad. Very, very, bad. Do not pick up a book. Good thing THE library only consists of documentaries on THE library. I picked up one once. A five hour long movie. Which broke my TV and DVD player. Which I may not have needed anyway, considering that Administration has banned all TVs. Due to the incident two years ago. I repeat, BOOKS ARE BAD.

THE WHISPER:

Kaboom (knowing laugh)

ZEKELYNN (Speaks during laugh):

Today outdoors is beautiful. Although, nobody went outside to enjoy the weather, furthering my claim that something is off with our new freshmen. I do not know, considering Administration also banned mirrors from the dormitories. Mirrors are only allowed in THE library bathroom, where nobody ever goes anyway. Those poor girls. Especially Freshmen girls. Who apply blood red nail polish to their wrists regularly.

A reminder for those involved in student organizations, and those wishing to join student organizations. Make sure to have your blood type available, for it will be needed to sign up.

And now, the weather.

[WEATHER PLAYS: Record a terrible band practice (3 mins)]

BORJEESH:

I just received a correction from our student body President. You may be wondering who he is. He is adorable. Winchester is a male, I think. Not sure. He might be female. He does have that sort of look about him. But of course I just saw him from a distance. His eyes were pure blue. Or maybe they aren't there. I don't know. (sighs adoringly)

Oh yes. That correction. We have received information from President Winchester that Powell is not safe to move in. Winchester did not explain why. I prodded him for more information, but he kept looking at the wall and whispered, "Prunes." Winchester then placed his hand on my hand and squeezed it, as though to warn me to not move into Powell. Pictures of the building were taken earlier, but then confiscated later by the Silencers. Who knows why the Silencers needed the photos? Are they creating a photo album of our lives, as though to take over our lives and consume our souls? We may never know.

THE WHISPER:

I know... (laughs)

BORJEESH: (speaks while the whisper laughs)

The Professor is now staring at me and I can hear the slow crushing sound of his desk in his tight white knuckled grip.

ZEKELYNN:

I live in Homestuck, which echoes the faint screams of former Freshmen, who never finish their finals. It is suspected the Professors sacrificed them in the hooding ceremony held at Grunweldt Cemetery, where the Powell dormitory is now built. I wish them luck.

[ZEKELYNN AND BORJEESH IN UNISON]

Good night, Daytopia! (The Whisper repeats at end)

END