Disclaimer: I don't own Cold Case

The Red Strokes

She stared at his empty office. She was intensely aware of the reason he had been suspended. Of course she was partly the cause. She and Scotty were the ones to put him, their Lieutenant, their boss, their mentor, their friend, in the position of taking a 30-day suspension, which in turn would cause him to retire or be forced into early retirement.

Lilly tried to go back to work, but it was so hard to concentrate. John Stillman was the glue that held their team together, and they just weren't a team without him. Her eyes wandered back to his empty office as her ears heard his name. Lilly want the type to listen to idle water cooler gossip but she made the exception when any of them team were mentioned.

"Didn't you hear? Stillman gave his papers to the director. He's not going to come back at all." One of the detectives said to another. Lilly stifled a gasp and pushed back the sudden tears that sprang into her eyes. Stillman was her rock, her anchor so that she could continue to do her job. Above and beyond that he was her friend and her closest confidant. He should have told her if he was going to retire. The rational side of her brain said that it was just gossip, because he really would have told her first if it were true, and he hadn't said a word. But the rational part of her brain was being bound and gagged by her emotions.

Lilly slowly shut down her computer and organized her desk. She wasn't getting any work done and she needed to see him. It was early afternoon but she didn't care. Scotty and the other detectives just watched her leave without a word. They were still worried about her and her recovery from being shot.

Lilly went straight to his house, hoping he would be there. When she arrived, she noticed his truck was gone, so she called Jefferies to ask about his fishing spots. Will, being sympathetic to he cause gave her the information willingly.

When she finally tracked him down, it was starting to get dark and he was tying his boat to the pier in the dusky twilight. As she approached partially in shadow, he thought he was seeing an angel. She was backlit by the dying sun, casting a shadow over all of her face except the bright blue of her eyes and the golden glow of her hair. Stillman blinked and when his vision cleared, his angel became the form of his favorite detective. He sighed in a knowing way. He had known she would come to him eventually. He finished tying off the boat and stood to face her head on. They stared at each other for a moment, waiting for the other to speak. Lilly broke the silence first.

"Is it true?" She asked softly.

"Yes and no. I turned it in, but I may come back, or I may not." He answered, knowing exactly what she was asking.

"You have to come back…" Her last words were broken off in a sob. He wasn't sure how to respond, so he reached for her to hold her close, but she backed away. "You have to come back." This time her tone was firm. He sighed.

"Lilly, I'm not sure I can." She shook her head firmly as if she could force him to come back through will power alone. "Its not that simple. I burned my bridges keeping Scotty from being suspended. I took the 30-days for him and they could use that to force me to retire early even if I want to come back. And I'm not sure I want to come back."

"Why?" She asked, concerned now.

"I've gone numb somewhere in my chest. Each case is just like another and I can't bring myself to care anymore. I'm tapped out." Lilly did something unexpected then. She moved into his personal space, wrapping her arms around his waist and kissing his chest, directly over his heart.

"I wont let your heart die." Was her response. He was startled to say the least. While he and Lilly were close friends and colleagues, they were never anything more. But the way she held him was doing something to him that shouldn't. He was older, and her boss, although he though of them as a team, There were rules too, precautions, that when flouted, could ruin both their careers. But it also felt so wonderful to be held, that he was loath to push her away.

"Lilly, as long as you're around, my heart could never die. But I can't promise I'll come back. I need this time off to get my head on straight. I need the time away so that if I do come back, I can do my job like I'm supposed to. You understand that don't you? I'm questioning myself right now. I can't do the job like this." Lilly nodded in understanding. "Good. Come on, I'll walk you up to your car." Stillman escorted her to her car and watched her drive away. He let out a silent sigh before he started to berate himself for reacting to her closeness. He had been alone too long. Shaking himself loose from his thoughts, he packed his fishing gear into his truck and headed home.

Moonlight on canvas, midnight and wine

Two shadows starting to softly combine

The picture they're painting

Is one of the heart

And to those who have seen it

It's a true work of art