Bellamy checks his watch for the hundredth time, looking up at the door, waiting for Raven to walk into the café he's been sitting in for the past half an hour. She's twenty minutes late and he begins to wonder if she's coming at all. He considers leaving, thinking he'll probably find her on the couch of the apartment the two of them share. But he looks across the room, also probably for the hundredth time, his eyes settling on the pretty blonde who also seems to be constantly glancing at the door. She's been here about the same length of time as him, and he's been thinking about going over to her for about that amount of time. He wonders if she's been stood up too, and as he watches her order another coffee he decides to go and talk to her. He is a little worried about coming off as creepy, and he hopes he doesn't make her uncomfortable.

"Hey, um, sorry to disturb you," Bellamy says as he approaches her, and she looks up. She looks a little surprised but not angry or disgusted, so that's a good sign. "I was just wondering if you'd like to join me for a coffee?" he proposes. The girl gives him an apologetic look and he tries not to look too disappointed as he waits for her to shoot him down.

"I'm sorry, but I'm actually meeting someone," she apologises.

"Oh, no need to be sorry," Bellamy says quickly. "I just, you know, thought I'd check," he says lamely. The girl laughs and Bellamy thinks he probably should feel embarrassed but he smiles in spite of himself.

"Maybe next lifetime," she grins and Bellamy nods with a small laugh. He turns to leave her only to see Raven walk through the door. She spots him immediately and makes a beeline straight for him.

"You guys have met then?" Raven says, sitting opposite the blonde Bellamy has just been talking to.

"Huh?" Bellamy says dumbly, looking from Raven to her friend whose name he has still yet to learn.

"This is Clarke," Raven says, looking at Bellamy as if it were obvious.

"Clarke, right," Bellamy nods, feeling like a complete idiot. He can't believe he just tried to hit on his best friend's new girlfriend. Trust him to do something so embarrassing.

"Clarke, this is my friend and housemate, Bellamy," Raven introduces.

"Nice to meet you," Clarke winks, and Bellamy is thankful Raven misses it.

"Wait, why were you guys talking if you didn't know each other?" Raven asks in confusion.

"I, uh…" Bellamy stammers, trying to come up with some kind of logical explanation, but nothing comes to him. Luckily Clarke saves him.

"Bellamy was just warning me he saw the barista spit in my coffee," she lies.

"Oh. Ew. We should leave then," Raven screws up her nose. Bellamy and Clarke nod in agreement and the three of them head back to Raven and Bellamy's apartment. Raven takes Clarke's hand as they walk out, and Bellamy feels a pang that feels strangely like envy, which is absurd of course. He figures he's just jealous that Raven has someone and he doesn't. It can't be about Clarke, he doesn't even know the girl.

Bellamy and Clarke are left alone for a moment when they reach the apartment as Raven goes to use the bathroom.

"Hey, thanks for not telling Raven why I was really talking to you," Bellamy says to Clarke as they stand in the living room. "She would never have let me live it down."

"It's no problem," Clarke smiles. "But how do you know I'm going to let you live it down?"

"Because you're a nice person?" Bellamy says hopefully.

"You don't know that either," Clarke points out with a smirk. "But don't worry, we can just forget about it. Although it would be a funny story to tell at the wedding," she muses.

"The wedding?" Bellamy asks in confusion. He's wrong, he knows, to picture Clarke's wedding to him.

"Mine and Raven's wedding," Clarke laughs. "You'll have to put it in your best man's speech."

"Sounds like it's pretty serious between you two," Bellamy notes. He doesn't mean to change the previous light hearted teasing to a serious relationship conversation, but for some reason, the thought of Clarke marrying Raven doesn't bring him much joy.

"Well, I don't know about marriage," Clarke rolls her eyes. "We've only been dating two weeks. But she's pretty great."

"Yeah," Bellamy agrees.

"Who's great?" Raven asks as she re-enters the room.

"You of course," Clarke grins and Raven grabs her and pulls her in for a kiss. Bellamy finds he has to look away.


The next month is the most excruciating of his life. It starts out as a silly crush. He thinks she's pretty, and funny and clever. But every time he talks to her he finds himself being accidentally flirty. And then he catches himself watching her when she's not looking, and thinking about her before he goes to sleep, and he knows it's much worse than he originally feared.

He finds out she's an artist, and she draws a quick sketch of him and he keeps it in the top drawer of his dresser. Her favourite book is Alice in Wonderland, her favourite movie is Legally Blonde and her favourite colour is green. She tells everyone her favourite singer is Beyonce, but it's really Carrie Underwood and she admits she secretly likes Nickelback. She laughs at his dumb history jokes and she teases him about his bad fashion sense and his heart throbs painfully whenever he looks at her. He never knew it was possible to fall for someone so fast, but here he is, head over heels for his best friend's girlfriend. What a cliché.

He avoids Clarke as much as possible after his realisation, worried his pathetic pining will be too obvious if he spends any time with her. He finds excuses to get out of group dates and he makes himself scarce any time Clarke is at the apartment. Raven finally begins to notice.

"Clarke and I are going to see that movie you really want to see if you want to come," she offers one night.

"Uh, no thanks," Bellamy declines. "I promised Miller I'd see it with him."

"Miller's already seen it," Raven catches him out.

"Oh. Well… I'm pretty tired so…" Bellamy trails off lamely.

"Why don't you like Clarke?" Raven snaps.

"What?" Bellamy says, taken aback. "I like her just fine," he asserts.

"Why do you keep finding excuses not to see her then?" Raven says, folding her arms.

"I'm just busy, I mean I'm not trying to avoid her. I have stuff and she's fine but she's your girlfriend, I don't see why-," Bellamy rambles until Raven cuts him off.

"She thinks you don't like her," Raven says and it feels like an accusation.

"Did she say that?" Bellamy asks. Raven nods.

"She said the first day you guys met that you seemed really cool, and you guys seemed to be getting along really well for a while, but since then you've barely spoken two words to her. And those two words were 'No thanks' when she offered you some chips," Raven scowls.

"I'm sure I've spoken to her more than that…" Bellamy tries. Raven shakes her head at him disappointedly.

"She's my girlfriend. Could you just try to make an effort?" Raven pleads.

"Fine," Bellamy sighs.

"Good. We're meeting some friends at a club tonight. You should come," Raven suggests, although Bellamy knows it isn't really a suggestion.

"I thought you were going to the movies," Bellamy scowls.

"That was just a lie so I could accuse you of not liking Clarke," Raven rolls her eyes. Bellamy glares at her. "Now go and get changed so we can go out."


Bellamy has a feeling it's a bad idea to join Raven and Clarke, and he's proven right as soon as Clarke meets them out the front of the bar, Polis. She looks devastating, and Bellamy groans inwardly, hating himself more than ever. Raven leans in for a kiss, and Bellamy sees her grope Clarke's ass a little, making Bellamy's stomach churn, wishing it was him who got to be the one to do that.

"Nice to see you, Bellamy," Clarke smiled.

"Yeah," Bellamy managed. Raven glared at him. "Sorry I haven't been around much lately. Really busy with work and stuff," he says. Raven rolls her eyes but Clarke seems satisfied. The trio go inside and are soon joined by their friends, Monty, Jasper and Harper.

"I hate this place, the drinks are so expensive!" Jasper complains as he forks out some cash. The bartender glares at him and he takes his cider sheepishly.

"I hate it too," Bellamy mutters, watching as Raven and Clarke take to the dance floor. He only sees flashes of them under the pulsing lights but it's enough to make him feel sick, the way Clarke is dirty dancing with Raven, and in his imagination it's him she's pressed up against.

The two girls eventually tire themselves out and join the rest of the group, flushed and panting and Bellamy does his best to keep his eyes off Clarke's heaving chest.

"It must be your turn to get the drinks," Clarke grins at him cheekily, brushing her shoulder against his affectionately.

"You're probably capable of getting your own drink," Bellamy snorts.

"Bellamy!" Raven scolds.

"What?" he snaps. "I'm just kidding." Raven clearly doesn't believe him. "What can I get for the princess?" he asks bitterly. He knows he's being awful, but maybe if he's awful Clarke will leave him alone and he can try and get over these unwanted feelings.

"You know what? It doesn't matter," Clarke says, her smile never faltering, despite Bellamy's bad attitude. "Why don't you come and dance with me?"

"I'd rather not," Bellamy says flatly. He sees the hurt in her eyes then, though she does her best to cover it up and he desperately wants to tell her it's not her fault, and that he'd love nothing more than to dance with her, if only she wasn't dating his best friend.

"Bellamy, can I talk to you for a second?" Raven says stiffly. Bellamy scowls as Raven leads him away from the group.

"What?" he says, though he knows exactly what.

"You know exactly what! Clarke's being really nice, and you're being a complete ass!" Raven says angrily.

"What do you want from me?" Bellamy snaps back.

"I want you to like her! You said you'd try." Raven urges. "The least you could do is pretend!"

"I am pretending," Bellamy blurts out desperately, but Raven doesn't catch his meaning.

"Then do it better!" she demands.

"Okay!" Bellamy shouts. "You know what, how about I go over there and tell her how much I like her? I could tell how much I've been thinking about her; that I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment we met; that I'm so fantastically, over-the-top, wanna-slit-my-own-throat in love with her, that for every minute of every hour of every day, I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!" He sounds crazy, he knows, and maybe he is. Raven stares at him in disbelief. Is it too late to take it back?

"You're in love with her?" Raven asks.

"Of course not," Bellamy says, his voice returning to normal. "I was just being dramatic. I honestly can't stand her. She's so annoying; I can't believe you've been able to stay with her for six weeks." Raven stares at him angrily, before flicking her gaze just behind him, and he turns around to see Clarke standing there.

"Nice to know what you really think of me," Clarke nods, her jaw tight.

"Clarke…" Bellamy starts, feeling awful. Especially since nothing she heard is true.

"It's fine, Bellamy. You don't need to waste your effort pretending to like me any longer," Clarke swallows. "Raven, do you want another drink?" Raven nods and takes her girlfriend's hand, glaring at Bellamy as she passed him. Bellamy stares after the girls hopelessly, feeling guilty and ashamed. It's only for his own self preservation that he's acting this way, but he realises now it's not a good enough reason and he has to stop taking his frustration out on Clarke. It's not her fault, after all, that he's fallen totally and irretrievably in love with someone he can't have.


Raven refuses to talk to Bellamy for a week after that incident, and no matter how much he tries to apologise to her, she isn't having any of it.

"It's Clarke you need to apologise to," Raven tells him snarkily.

"I don't know what to say to her!" Bellamy complains. "I doubt she wants to talk to me anyway."

"You could start by saying sorry? And you haven't even tried talking to her, so how would you know?" Raven points out. Bellamy just shrugs. "It's her birthday next week. Maybe you could get her a card and write a nice message," Raven suggests.

"Fine," Bellamy agrees.

He doesn't get her a card however. It seems insincere to him, and he wants her to know he really is sorry. He plans to be nice to her from now on, even if it slowly kills him. Instead, he searches second hand bookstores, looking for the perfect edition of Alice in Wonderland. He eventually finds one online. It's not a first edition but it has the original illustrations and it's a hardback cover in almost perfect condition and it costs him a lot regardless.

He writes a note and slips it into the front cover, not wanting to spoil the book with his messy handwriting. He wraps it carefully and keeps it next to his bed to give to her on her birthday.

Clarke doesn't have a party or anything, twenty five isn't much to celebrate as far as she's concerned, but she's organised to go out with friends for a few drinks. She's invited Bellamy, despite thinking he hates her. He genuinely wants to go, but he has kids' essays to mark by the next day and he thinks it's probably best if he doesn't go, and he knows Clarke isn't really expecting him to come anyway.

She comes over to the apartment to pick up Raven before they go out, and Raven is still getting ready. Bellamy is pretty sure this is the first time they've been alone together since the first day they met.

"Happy birthday," Bellamy says lamely.

"Thanks," Clarke nods and there's an awkward silence and Bellamy curses himself, knowing it's his fault there's any awkwardness between them at all, when under different circumstances he knows they'd be best friends.

"I, uh, bought you a present," Bellamy says. He figures now is the only chance he's going to get to give it to her.

"Oh," she looks surprised.

"Let me just get it," he says, going into his room to retrieve the present. He hands her the package and she takes it from him, looking somewhat confused and a little suspicious. Bellamy waits with baited breath as Clarke unwraps it. She discards the paper and stares at the book in disbelief.

"Wow," she finally says, looking up at Bellamy. She still seems unsure, like she's still worried it's some kind of trick. Or maybe she's trying to figure out what he means by it.

"There's a note inside," Bellamy tells her. She's about to open the book and read the note when Raven walks into the room.

"Ready to go?" Raven asks. Clarke nods. "You got her a book?" Raven screws her nose up at Bellamy. "Lame. Should have just gone with the card idea." Bellamy doesn't say anything. "Alright, let's go. You can leave that here."

Clarke puts the book down on the coffee table, but she slips the note out of the cover and takes it with her. She glances back at Bellamy as Raven leads her out the door, that expression of uncertainty still on her face.


Bellamy is at his desk grading papers when he hears the door open and someone stumble inside. He looks at his phone to see it's 12:30. He hears someone giggling, Raven it sounds like.

"Clarke," he hears her say. "I'm going to sleep right here."

"No," Clarke says sternly. "You'll be more comfortable in bed."

"Bed is so boring!" Raven complains loudly. She's obviously drunk and Bellamy smirks a little before getting up to go and help Clarke.

"Shh, you'll wake Bellamy," Clarke says.

"It's okay, I'm awake," he says and Clarke looks up, almost dropping Raven, who is leaning on Clarke heavily for support.

"Oh," Clarke says.

"Let me help," Bellamy says, walking over and scooping Raven up in his arms.

"Thanks," Clarke says gratefully. Bellamy carries Raven to her bed where she promptly passes out. Clarke is still standing in the living room when he returns and he pauses, not sure exactly what to say to her. Has she forgiven him for what he said?

"Did you have a good night?" he asks.

"Yeah," Clarke nods.

"How come you aren't smashed off your face like Raven?" he grinned.

"Just felt like I needed a clear head tonight," she says cryptically.

"Okay," Bellamy nods. "I should get back to marking these essays," he says and Clarke nods. He goes back into his room and sits back down at his desk, only to have Clarke walk in moments later.

"What did you mean?" she asks.

"What did I mean by what?" he replies. It occurs to him that she's in his room, that they're in his room alone together and almost chokes at the thought. Clarke pulls the note he wrote her from her cleavage and begins to read.

"Dear Clarke. Happy birthday. I'm really sorry for what I said at the club. The truth is I don't hate you at all, and I wish I could tell you why I've been acting like such an ass lately, but I can't. It's not excuse, and I don't expect forgiveness, but I promise I'll be nice to you from now on. Love, Bellamy," Clarke finishes and looks at him searchingly.

"I meant what I said," Bellamy shrugs. Clarke just continues to stare at him. Bellamy looks at her pleadingly. "Please don't make me tell you why."

"Bellamy…" Clarke starts.

"Clarke," Bellamy cuts her off, standing up. "Trust me, you don't want to know."

"I think I do though," Clarke argues. Bellamy looks at her helplessly, willing her to walk away before he blurts out the truth. She takes a step towards him and Bellamy holds out his hands to stop her. "Bellamy, if you're going to be a total jerk to me and then turn around and give me the most thoughtful present anyone's ever given me, I think I deserve to know why," Clarke demands. Bellamy shakes his head, but he already knows he's going to tell her. "Just tell me!"

"I love you, okay?" he blurts out. "I'm in love with you," he mutters again, looking at the floor. He can't look at her, but she doesn't say anything for the longest time so he keeps talking. "I thought if I kept my distance and was rude to you then I'd get over it. But it hasn't happened yet and I doubt it's ever going to." He finally looks up at her then, and he sees her brush a tear away from her eye. "I told you you didn't want to know." Clarke nods, still holding back tears. He doesn't know why she's crying and he can't bring himself to ask.

"I should go," she says. She practically flees the room then, and Bellamy groans, flinging himself onto his bed, wishing he'd kept his mouth shut.