Author's Note: This if for the one and only lovely ShadowRavens. (She is utterly obsessed with Divergent). I truly am sorry of I got the characters all wrong because I have only read Divergent once, hardly gotten through Insurgent, and skimmed Allegiant. In the end, this story turned out almost as I would write my Infernal Devices ones, though I hope I at least made it passable. Urg. This story is so OOC. I apologize profusely if this is awful. For confused readers, italics are flashbacks and regular font is the present.
Love, love,
MortalShadowhunter
~~ooo~~
Last night I heard my own heart beating
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs
Six months gone and I'm still reaching
Even though I know you're not there
I was playing back a thousand memories, baby
Thinking 'bout everything we've been through
Maybe I've been going back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you
- Taylor Swift
~~ooo~~
It's 2012
Tris has always been sort of stubborn. A little bitter, though she likes to think otherwise. She's never been the sort to show weakness because she knows that tears are signs of resignation. Though, when her mother passes away, she cries because she's afraid. She also cries when the boy in fifth grade pushes her to the floor and her face collides painfully with the floor.
However, right now, though, she's not thinking about her mom or the boy in fifth grade because she's older and doesn't dwell on the past. Christina helps her get through everything because that's what friends do; they help carry you through the unbearable and help you endure. On the way to a friendly dinner, Christina insists that they take a picture in front of the restaurant they are going to because that's what everyone does nowadays. The first stranger she sees is the one who she stops, smiling and asking if he- an intimidating boy- could take their picture.
When Tris gets a better look at the boy taking their picture, she recognizes him. Of course, they all live in a small town and everyone knows everyone, but she hasn't seen this boy in a long time. They might have been something like friends when they were younger, but Tris is not entirely sure. It has been eight years since she last saw him; eight years since they were eight graders skipping English class because the teacher assigned too much classwork.
The boy lowers the phone and tilts his head slightly, looking at Tris. He doesn't recognize her at first, but when she raises her eyes, she can see a look of realization spread across his. The three of them have dinner together.
Tris laughs genuinely.
It's been a long time since she's done that.
~~ooo~~
Spelling the words of the day aren't really that difficult, at least not to Tris. It's first grade and the teacher expects them all to spell TEACHER by the end of class. Tris doesn't know what to do for the remainder of the time; she's already finished. When the teacher sees her doing nothing, he tells her to stand in front of the class and spell it out for them. He expects her to object.
Except, she doesn't, because she's brave in the way that most six year olds are brave and they think they're always right. Tris is right, though, and the teacher gives her class points because she spells the word correctly in front of the entire class. When the bell rings for dismissal, a boy, who had been held back two years due to a 'rough childhood', walks up to her, his face round and his eyes big like he's constantly surprised.
"You're brave." He says simply, staring at her. "The teacher is kind of scary." Tris doesn't say anything because he's a little scary as well and she's brave but she's not that good with making friends. So she walks away and out the door. Except the boy follows her and asks to be her friend because she knows how to spell really well.
At this question, Tris almost smiles. "Friends?"
"Yeah." The boy says, and she can see a wiggly tooth above a small dent in his lip. "I'm Tobias."
"That's a funny name. I've never heard it before." Tris says with all the wisdom of a six year old, blinking at him. "I'm Tris."
The boy furrows his eyebrows. "That's a funny name too."
~~ooo~~
Logic. That is what Tris believes in. Logic does not mean using up all the sharpie pens to draw mustaches on fingers and on yearbook pictures that remind her of when Peter still bullied her, but Tobias insists that she loosen up, which is ironic to how he used to be. By the end of the night, they have all sorts of black smears on their hands and on their faces; Tris explains the danger of ink poisoning.
To illustrate her point, she draws a little skull and crossbones on his palm. To be a jerk, Tobias draws an illustration of stick figures with labels 'Tris, Tobias, Christina' on the doorjamb near the carpet while Christina watches and laughs. It's the landlord's apartment and technically, they aren't allowed to hang pictures, paint, or mar the property in any way. Tris grabs the sharpie from his hand and nearly flings it across the room.
"You could get me in trouble." Tris says, and she scowls, but only halfheartedly.
Holding up a finger above her mouth so it looks like she has the mustache the stable boy/pirate had from The Princess Bride, Christina raises an eyebrow. "I would say I would help you pay for what the landlord would bill you, but then I'd be lying."
Tobias stares at the sharpie on the other side of the room. "I really liked that sharpie." He says a little randomly, but then again, he's a little awkward. He hasn't seen Tris for ten years. To make himself feel better, he takes his slice of cake from the table and Tris shakes her head amusedly.
"You're eating all the cake."
He puts another bite into his mouth. "Because I can."
"I thought you didn't like sweets."
He snorts in laughter, a little, and pulls the fork from his mouth. "What's not to like about chocolate cake?"
~~ooo~~
The summer of 2001 has just passed.
Peter.
Peter, Tris remembers, is the one that makes the mean comments at her. Peter, Tris hates, likes to be demeaning and pretends to be tough even though he's just a no good, two bit, jerk who always makes fun of her. "Ugly people need friends, too." He spits at her with all the hatred that a fifth grader can muster. It's strange to see such a look of contempt on such a young face, but he manages it and makes her feel only an inch tall. "Midget." He also calls her, which is partway true since she only comes up to his chin. Even so, she turns around and walks away.
He doesn't like that she turns her back on him, though. He's searching for a reaction; anything that will get her to snap and break and bend under the bow of words. She only falls, though, when he pushes her and she loses her footing. Her jaw connects with the ground and her teeth clack painfully and only Peter pretends like it's alright. He just tells the teacher he didn't do it.
The way he glances at her; it's smug and demeaning. Tobias glares at Peter, helping Tris up with one hand because she's his friend and he hates Peter too. Tris doesn't mean to cry when she realizes that she's on the ground with everyone staring at her, but she does and the tears are painful. They don't last long, though, and by the time the recess bell has rung, her face is already dry.
There's a bruise on her chin the next day, but Tris doesn't really mind because she's a fifth grader and fifth graders don't worry about how they look. She scowls, however, when Tobias, ragged looking as always, says she looks like she has dirt on her chin.
They eat lunch together anyway.
~~ooo~~
Tobias's face almost hits the floor in shock when he finds out that Tris has never seen Star Trek. With each line that the Vulcan's say, their infamous, "Live long and prosper," Tobias repeats it pompously, his eyes glued to the screen. When the actor from Sherlock comes into scene in the second movie, Tris frowns, wondering why so many movie villains, and movie characters look so similar and have the same features.
Damn cheekbones.
The movie, Tris admits, is well put together and captures her attention. However, she finds herself on opposite sides of the couch from Tobias. She's not unhappy-the opposite of that- just uncomfortable in being in such close quarters with someone she hardly knows...Not to mention being alone with him. Admitting that it's not like he's a stranger, Tris still can't help but feel as if their chance meeting were like two distant cousins who were seeing each other for the first time. There is, admittedly, an easy friendship between them now that they are older and roughened by life, but Tris still hopes she isn't family zoned...or cousin zoned...friend zoned? Tris shakes the thoughts away.
She can tell he's a little disappointed when she flushes dark as he reaches forward to graze her shoulder comfortingly. Instead, he opts for a, "I'll see you soon," his eyes dark. Then again, they're always dark; deep like lapis and just as sharp.
As he leaves, he smiles when he walks down the path and Tris can't help but think that he is so different than when they were eighth graders.
So incredibly different.
~~ooo~~
He doesn't tell her about the bruises around his wrists and arms.
He doesn't tell her about the constant days of school where he is pulled from classes.
In fact, he doesn't really tell her anything anymore.
Though she can sense something is wrong, Tris doesn't ask because Tobias has this look on his face like he's angry. The class that they do skip is English because the teacher is unreasonable, giving out homework left and right. They know they will have to do it at some point, but they don't really care because it's just English. She's always been a little reckless, a little too freefalling when it comes to rules which, in her mind, are nonexistent. "You know. Yesterday I looked in the mirror, and I realized, 'Wow. I'm kind of ugly.'" Tris says for no reason, brushing her hair from her face. "But I look at all the pretty girls and I realize that I'm so glad I'm not them."
Tobias frowns. "At least you look smarter than a lot of the other dumb morons on campus." He says, obviously talking about Molly, one of Peter's friends. She's kind of popular...not really, but is as tall as a pole and as dumb as a pineapple. Too bad her brain couldn't catch up to her body.
When Tobias walks away from her, he stares her down firmly and sharply when she follows. "I want to be alone."
The next day, he doesn't come to school.
The next year, he doesn't come back.
~~ooo~~
Tris spends minutes, no, hours, talking on the phone with Tobias, catching up on life. They talk about things from chocolate cake to failed job interviews and then to warrants. They don't know how they get to talking about traffic tickets and DUI charges, but they do and they laugh about it for a long time. Somehow, they start to converse over the importance of cookies and Tris suffers an epithet of surprise when he shows up at her doorstep with a cartoon of cookies in his hand.
They aren't really the best, just the cheap kind that you can buy at the store with the chewy dough and soft chocolate chips, but Tris eats them delightedly and even smiles when Tobias sits right beside her, his hand migrating over to hers. He manages to coax her out of her house, dragging her down the street where Tris finds massive enjoyment at the park climbing the trees, her eyes large as she stares at the sky. Glancing down, she pats the spot next to her where there is space on the branch. Tobias looks away and mutters a few things under his breath but Tris only catches a few of them.
"Reckless...Ridiculous...Heights...Crazy." Tobias crosses his arms, seating himself at the base of the tree. Tris swings down, landing next to him and laughing.
"Sorry. I forgot that the big, scary, intimidating, 'I hate the world' Tobias is scared of heights." Tris teases, her face flushed and hands clasped.
Tobias looks at her with a measured stare. "Did you just make a joke? And, for the record, I do not hate the world."
"You used to act like you did." Tris points out, raising an eyebrow. "And I'm not completely without humor, though it seems as if age has made it seem so."
"I always thought you would have forgotten about me once you hit twenty."
"Well, I'm twenty one and I still remember. Did you want me to forget?" Tris asks, her eyes averted from his. She looks awfully young for her age.
"I didn't want you to forget me." Tobias answers, taking her hand and pulling her up. "I just wanted you to forget how I left." And then he kisses her, just a quick press of lips before walking her back silently to her house and bidding her a smile of an adieu. Tris raises her hand to her mouth, smiling a little, and she knows that it is a moment that she will remember vividly.
Forever.
~~ooo~~
Tris visits the hospital that her mother is that, but she doesn't visit her mother's room. It's a little too hard on her, now, and she wants her memories to be of late nights watching movies and lessons on selflessness and principals of family instead of hospital rooms and heart murmurs. She waits in the waiting room where there are patients of all kinds sitting about, talking a little but mainly keeping to themselves.
A tall, dark skinned girl sits down next to Tris, sighing for the longest time that Tris can't help but stare at her. The girl nods her head as if to point out her presence and smiles. "Hey, you. What'cha in here for?"
"Visiting my mom." Tris answers, though it's only the half truth. The girl raises her eyebrows and draws her mouth to the side.
"Sucks, huh? I'm Christina, the hippest cancer patient out there ever." Christina says, holding out her hand to Tris. "Who are you? And don't say a mass murderer because cancer has taken care of that and many others before me."
"Tris." Tris answers, taking the girl's hand hesitantly and shaking it. "Cancer...That's bad."
"Well, shit happens." Christina shrugs like it's no big deal. "I'm going home in a week, though. The cancer is gone."
"That's good." Tris says, and she smiles. "What times are you normally waiting in here?"
~~ooo~~
Tris feels like a teenager when Christina finds out about what transpired between her and Tobias.
Christina squeals are cut short when a moth flies around the room and she screams like the world is ending.
~~ooo~~
2007 hadn't been the easiest year.
The day Tris's mother dies is a silent one and a lonely one. She's angry and confused and in denial. Christina comes with her and shows her a new bracelet she got, with Prior and Moth etched in the side as an inside joke. Tris smiles a little but doesn't mean it. The ceremony is simple and Tris can't help but cry because it's her mother and she had always been there for her.
Her brother's away at college.
Her father's always shut away in his office working.
Tobias calls her and their conversation is short. There is an exchange of, "Hello's," and, "I want to see you sometime," and, "I'm sorry I left so abruptly." Then he hangs up and never calls her again. Tris doesn't ever forget him.
Even though she tries.
~~ooo~~
"Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn." Christina repeats over and over again until she sounds like a cat begging for food. Tris looks over at her, her eyes inquisitive.
"What is it?"
"Thedamnflappybirdthingswon'tdodgethepipes!" Christina says in a torrent, holding her phone up and touching the screen. With a frustrated groan, she rolls over, pressing her face into the carpet. Her face is twisted up in a funny way that reminds Tris of an old cat that used to visit Tris's yard in the springtime, it's fur as black as obsidian and always frustrated. Christina is about to say something else but Tris gets up to retrieve a book from her room, still staring at Christina's comical expression.
Trio's short walk ends in a smack when she turns around the hallway without looking and faceplants into a wall. Christina looks up, laughing hysterically and forgetting about her game. Tobias, who had been silently raiding the kitchen, looked out at Tris, shaking his head and trying to hide the amusement in his expression. "Tris. By the way, the point of walls is that you're supposed to avoid walking into them." Tobias muses through a mouth full of something. Tris glares at him but can't force down the grin that spreads across her face. She doesn't end up retrieving the book and Christina forgets about her game.
Later, Tris wonders why all the crackers are gone from her kitchen cupboards but she blames Tobias, who holds up his hands in resignation and pronounces his innocence.
Christina sells him out and points out the empty cracker box Tobias shoved into the trash can. Tris jokingly tells Tobias that she'll never forgive him for stealing her food, and they laugh because it's in Tris's nature to do extreme things like that. But she's just teasing- a side effect of her giddiness- and kisses Tobias goodnight when he leaves.
Christina falls asleep on Tris's carpet with her cheek on her phone, though, and wonders why she wakes up with a rectangle indent on her face the next day.
~~ooo~~
Tris gets a much needed job at a local shooting range, the ones where you can't walk through without earmuffs or else you might go deaf. She likes her job and can't resist shooting a few rounds after lunch.
She gets fired the next month for being too unprofessional and resistant to authority.
Tris doesn't cry over it.
~~ooo~~
Christina comes down with the flu and finds herself at Tris's door with a racking cough and tired eyes. Tris makes her lay down in her bed, bringing her tea and new crackers that she bought but Christina refuses them all and falls asleep, her night plagued with nightmares and coughing fits. Tris calls Tobias and tells him what happens even though it's nearly midnight. He comes over and holds her against him, which she hates because it makes her feel powerless, but she hugs back anyway and feels strangely comforted.
They watch the same movies over and over again until they've memorized all the famous quotes, and they just sit there, in the dark, for a long time.
"She's going to be fine." Tobias reassures her, kissing her forehead.
"She's never been like this." Tris rebukes, leaning into him.
"Hey, I'm here now and I don't plan on leaving. Not like last time." Tobias says adamantly, staring at her. "No matter what tides may bring, I'll be right here. Just," his tone lightens with amusement, "Please. Don't do anything stupid."
Tris poked him in the shoulder, hard. "Stupid? Me? I'm not stupid."
"Of course not. You're the smartest person I know...not including myself." Tobias brags and he pulls her against him. "You're smart, talented, infuriatingly reckless, and you always have good food."
"That? That's why you like me? I have good food?"
"Tris...I don't like you." Tobias says, his tone deadly serious. "I am indescribably and irrevocably in love with you. I have been since the very beginning but I never knew how to tell you because I know you have a fear of hot guys-"
"You can go from being the most sincere and romantic guy to being an ass in a matter of seconds." Tris groans, crossing her arms shaking her head, really, just trying to cover up the grin that she presses into her arm like a stamp. Tobias lifts her head, though, his eyes wary and his smile hesitant. "But still." Tris says, curving her arm around his neck and pulling him towards her, her chin rested on his shoulder. "You're forgiven for being an ass."
Tobias wraps his arms around her. "And..?"
"And for stealing the food." Tris sighs, pushing her face into his shirt. "And I love you too."
~~ooo~~
2010 was strangely...eventful.
"I'm N Luv with a stripper. She trippin she playin she playin. I'm not goin nowhere girl I'm stayin. I'm N Luv with a stripper." Christina sings with her iPod in her hand, nodding her head to the beat. The apartment walls are thin and Tris doesn't doubt that the neighbors can hear exactly what Christina is singing, which just so happens to have some more...vulgar phrases and verses in it.
"Christina!" Tris hisses, pulling the earbuds out of her friend's ears. Still grooving to the now, nonexistent music, Christina grins and the room lights up like a disco ball. Her hair catches on her Moth and Prior bracelet, but she doesn't notice. She's a little bossy when it comes to forcing Tris to sing with her, but she manages to do it and Tris dies internally.
There's makeup involved.
And then the loud music.
Karaoke.
Tris would rather die than admit she went along with it and liked it.
~~ooo~~
It's four o'clock PM on a Saturday and Tris just sits by the bed, her hand in Christina's.
The nurse tries to get her to leave, but Tris shakes her head and plants herself next to the beeping IV bags and monitors. Her condition isn't bad, the nurses tell her, she just is having a slight cancerous relapse, but it's nothing serious.
Nothing serious, to the nurses, is hours of hooking Christina up to chemicals. Nothing serious means that the coughing fits and nightmares are just regular occurrences. But Tris believes them nonetheless and thinks that everything is alright because Christina wakes up a little and sits up. She blinks and raises an eyebrow. "Did you finally take me to the mental institution?" is what the first thing that escapes her mouth is.
"You got worse." Tris says, Christina's remark unable to put a smile on her face. Christina leans her head back against the pillow as if lifting her head exhausted her, and maybe it did.
"My birthday is going to be crap." Christina whispers, a smile on her mouth. "My head doesn't hurt as much."
"Good."
"My knee feels better."
"Good."
"My god damned eyeball hurts." Christina complains, rubbing her eye. "There's this big eyelash in it that I can't get out."
It takes all Tris's self control to not say, "good."
~~ooo~~
It's four o'clock PM on a Saturday and Christina insists on taking Tris out for dinner.
Tris runs into an old friend.
It's a night of coincidences.
~~ooo~~
Tris brings Christina her favorite cookies, the kind with the frosting on it and sprinkles crunched over on the edge until you take a bite and your taste buds go numb because they're so sweet. They stay wrapped up in the brown box until Tobias- of course it's Tobias- opens them and takes one out. He's the only other person who likes such cloyingly sweet cookies and he just stays next to Christina's bed with his arm around Tris and a cookie in his hand.
Christina talks, quietly at first, about college, about life, about this guy she just met. They talk for hours until Tris tells her happy birthday and they all smile because they have to and they don't want to show what they are feeling inside. But then, when Tobias finally gets Tris to leave and go home and rest, Christina has already fallen asleep and she hasn't eaten the cookies.
Tris doesn't really feel like talking.
~~ooo~~
It is always, now, Tris, Christina and Tobias.
Christina, Tris, and Tobias.
Tobias, Christina, and Tris
You can't have one without the other.
~~ooo~~
It's the winter of 2014.
It is in the morning that Christina flat lines and Tris just nods and goes home.
She's fine. She convinces herself that she is fine, but she glances at the doorjamb that leads to her room, and she sees a little, faded sharpie drawing of three figures. Tris, Tobias, Christina.
Drawn on paint.
Etched in memories.
Left by a person.
You can't simply have one without having the two others to support it, but the supports are falling and Tris feels like a pile of dominos. Logic, Tris realizes, is not one of her qualities as she throws herself onto her bed and presses her face into the pillow and sobs. There are arms around her pulling her up and holding her close. She fights back and cries out but the arms are too strong, so she succumbs and mutters incoherent words that Tobias can only pick out as, "Drawing...Christina...Gone." She sounds frustrated and a little stricken, but she insists that he leave.
Just for a while.
He does, but it's not long before she's begging for him to come back again.
~~ooo~~
2019 is biting at their heels.
Years pass and the faded sharpie drawing is only a mere memory, an imprint on a time where there were three instead of two.
Tobias scowls every time Tris beats him at chess, but he expects it because she's smart and intuitive and cunning. When they finish their meal of microwavable pasta and lie down in bed, Tris finds a small box no bigger than her fist under her nightstand. It's coated in dust and hard to pry open, but when she does manage to open it, a small bracelet falls out onto the bed and silver letters gleam on the side.
Moth, Prior, Four.
And there is a small note inside that reads: Moth because of my inexpressibly terrifying fear of them, Prior because it's your last name and you never let prior experiences weigh down on you, and Four because it was four o'clock that the trio of us came together as a whole.
Tris laughs because the note is nothing if not cheesy, and she holds it tight to her chest when she moves closer to Tobias. The silver letters that are etched into the bracelet match their wedding bands and Tobias kisses her forehead.
"We are perfect." He says, and he means it.
An average boy.
An average girl.
An average friend.
Some called it a test of friendship, other might have called it impossible.
Tris agrees with all of them.
Either way, they would always be a story, no matter what tides may bring.
