"Why did she marry him? She hated him!" Harry asked.
"Omg." Sirius clenched at his heart. "Harry. Baby. Are you," he looked alway dramatically, "insulting my OTP?"
Remus groaned into his watermelon, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Oh, here we go again."
"LILY TOTES LOVED JAMES. She thought he was totes fit. They are so adorbs together. Like, seriously Harry." Sirius said sassily. He made a sudden lunge towards a folder underneath the sofa, as if he couldn't control his actions.
"This is one from their first date!" Sobbed Sirius, brandishing a picture of James and Lily torturing a pug named Louise. On the bottom of the picture Sirius had written, in what appeared to be his own blood, JILY.
Harry was slightly afraid now, at the drool seeping from his godfather's lip, curled up maniacally as he stroked the photograph. He realised Remus had left the room.
"And this is a fanfiction I wrote about them," Sirius breathed, handing Harry a heavy stack of paper, again with careful, blood lettering.
Harry curiously began to read.
James smirked at Lily, who was breathing heavily into her hot sauce now. "I've always wanted a son named Harry," James gritted his teeth happily, caving patterns in his own forearm with a toothpick.
Harry's eyes welled up with tears of horror and repulsion as he attempted to tear his eyes away from this m-rated treachery of life. It was so, so graphic. Finally he hurled the paper across the room and fell to the ground, rocking, clutching his eyes.
"HARRY!" Sirius yelped, diving across the floor and stroking the discarded fic. "I know the feels are too much to handle but you must still treat it with care."
Harry dissolved.
