Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are not my property

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are not my property. No copyright infringement is intended.

Sam drove up the dirt road and stopped the car, got out and looked around. She could certainly understand why Jack loved it here. The landscape was quiet and peaceful with the trees gently swaying in the breeze and the birds chirping in the distance. She noticed a rabbit sitting in the grass. It stared at her for a few seconds then hopped away. She heard the rustle of leaves and looked up in a tree to see a squirrel jumping from branch to branch.

The sun felt warm on her face and she closed her eyes for a few moments, taking deep breaths of the fresh air. She opened her eyes and looked around again, hoping Jack was here since his truck was parked beside his cabin.

She walked up on the porch, knocked on the door and waited. Getting no response, she came around the side of the cabin to see Jack at the edge of the woods, chopping a tree. He wasn't wearing a shirt and she watched as he swung an axe, his muscles taut on his shoulders and arms as the perspiration glistened on his tanned skin. With all of the physical labor he apparently did here at his cabin, he appeared to be in great shape.

Sam swallowed the lump that suddenly appeared in her throat. Seeing him again stirred the strong feelings she had always felt for him, but rarely admitted to herself, until recently, just how strong those feelings really were.

Sitting several feet away but watching Jack's every move was a golden retriever.

As Jack stopped to wipe his brow, the dog trotted over to him and he reached down to pet the attentive dog. The dog turned its head, saw Sam watching and started to bark. Jack looked up and he and Sam stared at each other for several moments.

Jack's breath caught in his throat. It had been more than a year since they had last seen each other. She had shown up at his house in Colorado the day before her wedding and asked him to come but he had refused. A few days later, he had retired from the Air Force and now lived here at his secluded cabin.

Jack put on his shirt and slowly walked toward Sam as the dog followed. He replayed in his mind the last time they had seen each other. In their last conversation, they had argued about her wedding.

Sam stood in his kitchen with tears in her eyes.

"Why won't you be there, sir?"

He stood with his hands braced against the sink but quickly turned to face her.

"You really want to know?"

"Yes, I do."

"Because I think you're making a mistake."

Sam crossed her arms over her chest. "Why?"

"Well, let's just consider for a moment. Pete did a background check on you because he doesn't trust you; he could have gotten everyone killed during our surveillance of Osiris; he doesn't like your career and wants you to leave the Air Force; he bought a house without your approval; he doesn't accept you as you are and is trying to change you, etcetera, etcetera. Need I say more?"

"Are those the only reasons?" Sam asked nervously.

He breathed a deep sigh and was determined to finally say what he had been feeling for so long. "No, those aren't the only reasons. I care about you, Sam, more than I've ever cared about any other woman in my entire life. At one time I thought we could have had something great together but you got engaged to this bozo and broke my heart. Do all these reasons explain why I won't come to your wedding?"

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" she asked as she raised her voice.

He walked up to her and stared into her eyes. "Because I thought you already knew! You found out how I felt about you four years ago!"

His heart was breaking and he couldn't take it any more. He had watched her over the last few months, wearing an engagement ring and planning her wedding. And now, she was here in his house asking him to do the impossible. He couldn't watch her marry someone else.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door. "Go, Carter! Marry him! I hope you'll be happy!"

"Jack, please!"

He opened the door and she stepped outside. She turned to look at him and a tear slipped down her cheek. He slammed the door before she could say anything else. He stood there trying to control his breathing and clinched his fists. He ran his hand through his hair as he paced back and forth in the hallway for a few moments. He walked over to the window and peeked through the blinds. Sam was standing beside her car, staring at his front door as tears fell down her cheeks. He watched as she wiped her eyes, got into her car and drove away.

He walked slowly to the sofa and sat down, buried his face in his hands and wept, knowing he had lost her for good.

The next day after Sam's wedding, Daniel came by his house. When he told him about Sam's visit and their argument, Daniel had understood why he had not been there.

They now stood several feet from each other.

Jack wasn't sure what to do or say as he stared at her. She was dressed in jeans and a light blue sweater. She looked too thin, in his opinion, and her hair was longer, but she was still the most attractive woman he had ever known.

"Carter."

Sam took a step closer. "Hello, Jack."

He walked to the porch and leaned the axe against the railing. The dog sat down and stared at Sam as Jack turned to face her. "What are you doing here?"

"I . . . I had to see you."

"Why? I thought we said everything we needed to say the last time I saw you" he said in a gruff manner.

"You're not going to make this easy, are you?"

"Why should I? You got what you wanted. You married Pete."

Sam crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the ground. "And divorced him."

Jack frowned and wasn't sure if he had heard her correctly. "You . . . you what?"

"You were right. The marriage was a mistake. We're divorced."

Jack stared at her.

Sam knew she was losing her confidence, thinking this had to be the hardest thing she had ever done.

"I never should have . . . oh never mind. I should have known better than to come here."

She quickly turned around and hurried toward her car but Jack went after her, grabbed her arm and turned her around to face him.

"Oh no you don't, Sam. Running away again like you always do? You ran for years from your feelings but you show up now wanting to talk?"

Sam glared at him. "Yes, I want to talk to you, but how about you talk to me, Jack? You're the one who threw me out of your house the day we last saw each other. You've never been big on talking so don't blame everything that happened on me! There were so many times you could have told me you still cared about me but you didn't until the day before my wedding!"

Jack put his hands on his hips. "So why now? You come here telling me you're divorced and think you'll just waltz right back into my life, accept you with open arms like nothing happened? It doesn't work that way, Sam! I'm not made of stone! I do have feelings and you took every one of those feelings and carelessly threw them away!"

Jack turned around and stalked toward his cabin.

Sam tried to calm down and knew it was now or never. If they didn't talk now, she knew they would go through the rest of their lives never speaking to each other again, eaten up with bitterness and resentment.

She hurried after him. "Okay. I'm not running. I'm right here."

He stopped abruptly and turned around. Their eyes met again and she knew that he was trying to calm himself as well.

She looked at him as a little of the tension left his face and saw his shoulders relax. "Come in" he finally said.

She followed him into the cabin and looked around. It seemed homey, warm and inviting, just as she had always pictured his cabin to be. She stood there not moving, uncertain what she should do.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"A soda if you have it."

Jack disappeared into the kitchen, came back with two sodas and handed one to her as he took a sip of his own.

He waved her to a chair and Jack sat down on the sofa.

Just as Sam sat down, a big gray cat came into the room.

"You have a cat too? I thought you were just a dog person."

"I heard her crying one night on the porch during a storm when she was just a kitten. She was dirty and almost starved to death. I felt sorry for her, nursed her back to health and . . . there she is."

The cat stood still and stared at her. Sam slowly held out her hand to see if the cat would come to her. It took a few tentative steps, then jumped up on her lap and lay down.

Sam ran her hand over the cat's soft fur. "How old is she?"

"About a year."

"What's her name?"

Jack hesitated a moment, glanced at her, then looked back at the cat. "Sam."

Sam grinned. "Really? You named your cat after me?"

He took another sip of his drink. "She reminded me of you."

Sam sat back in the chair. "How?"

"Independent, friendly and curious."

Sam smiled.

"What's the dog's name?"

"Her name's Lady. So, I'll ask again. Why are you here?"

Sam took a deep breath. "Would you let me talk without interrupting?"

He set up straighter on the sofa. "Talk away."

"I made a big mistake, Jack, just as you said I would."

She paused for a moment.

"On my wedding day, I came down the aisle and saw General Hammond, Daniel, Teal'c and other people that I care about and I was hoping you had changed your mind. Even after the ceremony as Pete and I walked out, I looked around to see if you might have slipped in at the last minute, but you weren't there. I was hoping, even though we had argued, that you would show up, be there for me as my friend."

She stopped and took a sip of her soda as Jack waited.

"Pete and I were relatively happy at first, then we started to argue a lot. He didn't like me working so much in my lab or going off-world. He didn't like me spending any time with my friends. Whenever I was off duty he wanted me all to himself, he was constantly checking up on me. The whole situation was suffocating."

Sam stopped and Jack saw a flash of sadness cross her face.

"Ten months after Pete and I were married . . ."

She paused again and stared at the floor.

"I found out I was pregnant."

Jack turned his head and looked away, feeling as though he had just been kicked in the stomach. So many times he had dreamed of them getting married and having children. He tried not to change his expression, took a sip of his soda and kept listening.

"I didn't want to go off-world any more since I was pregnant, I felt it was too dangerous and General Hammond agreed, so he put me in charge of all the scientists. Just a few weeks after we found out about the pregnancy, General Hammond had to lock down the base. While that was happening, Dr. Felger and I had a problem with one of the experiments we were running in my lab and we had to find a solution. Lockdown lasted three days and Pete couldn't get in touch with me. When I finally got home, I was tired and stressed and I tried to explain to Pete that what happened was beyond my control, but the only part he really listened to was the part about Dr. Felger. He wanted to know who he was and how long we had worked together. I told him that Dr. Felger and Chloe were married but he just wouldn't let me explain."

Jack held up his hand and raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me. Felger and Chloe are married?"

Sam smiled. "Yes, they are. They're very happy and they make a really cute couple."

Sam took a deep breath and her expression grew serious again. "I tried to tell Pete that Dr. Felger and I were just co-workers and that I most definitely didn't have any romantic feelings for him. He wouldn't believe that there was nothing going on between us. He started to question me about Daniel, Teal'c, every man I worked with that he had met. He even insinuated that the baby wasn't his. I couldn't take any more of his questions, his insecurity and possessiveness so I hurriedly packed a bag and told him I was going to stay in a hotel for the night. He didn't try to stop me."

Sam paused as tears came to her eyes and she gripped the arms of the chair.

"It was raining very hard and, unfortunately, I was driving while I was upset. I ran a red light and hit another car. The next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital to see Pete standing over me, but he wasn't concerned about me. Naturally, the first thing I asked was if the baby was okay. He said 'thanks to you, no it isn't. The baby is dead.' He said it so callously and walked out."

She quickly wiped her eyes.

"Daniel and Teal'c hardly left my side while I was in the hospital. When I was released, they drove me home and stayed with me. I cried for days, blaming myself for killing my baby."

The cat jumped off her lap, walked over to where Jack sat, jumped up on the sofa and lay down beside him. He put his hand on top of the cat and gently stroked her fur.

"Daniel wanted to call and tell you how upset I was after losing the baby. He knew that you had, at one time, cared about me. He thought I might need your friendship while I was going through that, but I wasn't so sure how you would react, so I begged him not to get in touch with you."

Jack stared straight ahead.

"Pete moved out of the house and went back to Denver. A few days later I got a call from an attorney, telling me that Pete had started divorce proceedings and we communicated only through our attorneys."

She stopped and looked out the window.

"To be honest about it, I was more upset about losing the baby than I was about my marriage falling apart. I may not have loved Pete the way I should have, but I loved my baby and I wanted so much to be a mother. Even if I hadn't lost it, I don't think our marriage would have survived. I should have known it would never work. We were too different, had different expectations of what marriage should be and we didn't know each other really well. We sold the house and I bought another one closer to the base."

Sam suddenly stood up and walked over to the window and stood very still.

Jack watched her. So many times he had seen her stand like this when they were off-world, with her back rigid, her breathing shallow, instincts on high alert, ready to pounce at the least provocation. He had seen her on the battlefield, and now she was raging a battle within herself, trying to make clear her feelings, trying to explain to him why she had come here. He knew it had taken a lot of determination and raw nerve to face him, knowing that he might turn her away. He sat silently, giving her the courtesy of not interrupting until she was finished.

Sam finally turned to face him and folded her arms over her chest. "After the divorce was final, I wanted to leave the Air Force."

Jack's eyes grew big. "You did?"

"Yes, I did. General Hammond didn't want me to and told me to take some time off to think things through so I took his advice. I had a lot of leave saved up so I took it. I went to see Mark for a few weeks. I enjoyed the time I spent with him and his family, especially getting to know my niece and nephew a lot better, but it was also very hard. Being around the kids and having just lost my own . . ."

She paused as she tried not to cry and sat back down.

"After staying with Mark, I traveled overseas to some of the places I'd always wanted to visit. I would lie awake at night in strange cities, trying to decide what direction my life was headed. I went back to the Springs and gave General Hammond my resignation, telling him I just didn't feel I belonged there any more. He didn't like it but he understood that after going through the divorce and losing the baby, I needed a change. He wished me well and told me that if I ever wanted to return and work as a civilian, I would always be welcomed back with open arms."

"I still don't know what I'm going to do next, with my career that is. I guess part of that depends on what happens now. I had to come here and say this to you."

Jack wasn't sure if he wanted to know any more but he had told her he would hear her out.

Sam clasped her hands in her lap. "So many nights when I was in some strange country, I would lie awake, taking a really good look at myself. I finally had to tear down those walls and face my fears. The walls that dealt with me, not just the soldier or the scientist part of me but as a woman, to feel those feelings that I had so long suppressed. The part that I never let anyone else see, the part that Pete didn't even know. I'm here because it took me awhile to get it through my thick head that what I wanted most, more than a career, more than accolades from anyone, more than anything . . ." she stopped to gauge her next words . . . "I wanted . . . you."

Jack lifted his eyebrows and stared at her.

"Through all the years we worked together, there was a connection with you that I've never had with another man. I don't just mean how we related when you were my CO and whether we were on Earth or some distant planet. You have always understood the soldier in me. Never judged me or criticized me, accepted my intelligence, understood my logic, my thinking. You just let me be myself. But there was one side of me that I always hid from you, the part of me I wanted you to know so badly. The woman with desires, wants and needs. The woman who wants to love someone and be loved for herself. Unconditionally. The woman that doesn't want to suppress her emotions any more. The woman that's allowed to cry when she's hurting, worried, upset or lonely. The woman that needs a hug sometimes. The woman that's allowed to be vulnerable, the feminine side of Samantha."

She stood, walked to the sofa and sat down beside Jack, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her so he stared at the floor.

"I came here because I want you to get to know me as a woman, because I need you in my life."

She took his hand in hers as he turned his head and looked into her eyes. "I love you, Jack."

Jack's heart beat faster as he stared at her, not knowing what to say.

"There . . . I finally said it. I never allowed myself to think it. I was never allowed to say that to you, not just because of the regulations but because I was afraid of giving you my heart, afraid of loving you so much. I should have realized a long time ago that you mean more to me than any job, you mean more to me than any other man I've ever known. Through my own stupidity, I tried to love Pete because I was allowed to. But he wasn't who I loved or who I really needed or wanted and I ended up hurting you in the process. I'm taking the biggest risk of my life by coming here and I'm putting my future in your hands."

She pulled a small piece of paper from the pocket of her jeans and put it in his hand. "That's my cell phone number. I want to give you time to think about what I've said. I'm staying at a hotel in town and I'll be here for a week. If I haven't heard from you by Sunday morning, I'll never bother you again. I do realize that if you don't want this, then this may be the last time I'll ever see you, but I hope you'll give serious thought to what I've said and give us a chance. I know I've hurt you deeply and I'm truly sorry. I know I'm asking a lot but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. If this is the last time I'll see you, Jack, please know that I want you to be happy whether I'm in your life or not."

He watched as Sam stood and walked to the door. She turned and looked back at him as tears pooled in her eyes. They stared at each other for a few moments and she walked out.

Jack sat very still as he heard her car start and listened to the noise of the engine fade away as he stared at the piece of paper in his hand.

TBC