Atem didn't even realize he had said something strange until suddenly his entire council was looking at him strangely.
He had to admit, he really did think going to the afterlife was the best option for him.
And then he actually GOT to the afterlife.
Being Pharaoh in the afterlife was about as glamorous and important as being a high school class president.
The title's pretty much there as a formality.
Sure, he still got to sit in the big chair and have thousands of servants at his disposal….
But no air conditioning.
So was it really worth it?
At least when he was ACTUALLY pharaoh of an ACTUA empire he had things to do.
Everyone in the afterlife kind of just lounged around, kind of doing what they used to do while they were alive but without any of the stakes involved.
Which only gave Atem time to think about everything he missed in the modern world.
Of course he missed his friends -Yugi especially- but sometimes he missed other things.
Like sofas. Or drywall. Or ice cream.
And the worst part was that nobody really REALLY understood.
He tried talking to Mana about it and while she was kind, she had NO idea what he was talking about. His cousin Seto would sometimes grab papyrus and take notes of the things Atem described, but it was less "I'm sorry you're missing all these things" and more "This shit sounds completely crazy I'm going to take notes and figure out how it works."
He was only successful once.
But.
Considering WHAT he had just said, not even Seto could figure this one out.
It was just a slip of the tongue really.
Atem had really been trying to keep his "modern language" under control.
He only slipped up every once and a while, SURE, sometimes he'd call Seto an "asswipe" or he'd refer to Mahad as "my dude" but he had been doing SO much better recently.
Or so he thought.
Every week the 6 priests held a meeting with the Pharaoh to update him on the kingdom and what was happening.
Sure these meetings were absolutely necessary when they were alive.
But now? That they were in the afterlife? And their only problem was all the free time they had?
The meetings were pretty much exclusively ceremonial.
And it was because Karim was talking, with his stupid hippie headband and his slow dull voice that Atem started to zone out.
He was only half listening really but he clearly heard Karim mention a shortage of grain in the western whatever.
And before he knew it the words had left his lips before he could even stop them.
"Oh my gods, that's so sad, Alexa. Play Despacito."
He THOUGHT he had said it quietly but alas, old habits die hard and thus all SIX priests were eagerly awaiting the pharaoh's commentary.
Instead, they got. Whatever that was.
Atem quickly snapped back to life as all six priests turned to him in confusion.
Okay look, he could make being the pharaoh work for him.
He was in charge.
He was the man.
If he acted like what he had said was normal, then nobody would question him.
He straightened his back and rose to his full height in his chair, an impressive 5'4.
Perfect if he-
"I'm sorry what did you just say my Pharaoh?"
DAMN IT KARIM.
In hindsight, of course, that wouldn't work, that was stupid.
New Plan.
New Plan…..
Well he COULD always just explain what exactly he meant by….Alexa play Despacito.
"Well uh.."
Winged Dragon of Ra, he could already see Seto reaching for his papyrus.
"I….In the modern world-"
He could almost hear the priest's collective groaning. They would never tell him but he knew. They were all sick and tired of hearing about the modern world. He KNEW he sounded like a broken record at this point but…He had a point! In the modern world he had tap water AND he didn't get sand stuck in his butthole every day.
"Pharaoh Atem did I hear you correctly did you say…Alexander play Mosquito?"
"I-No I did not Priestess Isis. I definably did not say that."
He took a deep breath in.
"What I did say was-"
"-Cousin if you could wait a second before you begin your explanation."
"Uh. Why?"
"My servant can't find my pen"
Another deep breath in.
"I found it Master Seto! I'm so sorry about the delay. I put it in my pocket so I wouldn't forget it was there and then I forgot I had put it there and- "
"It's fine. Cousin. I'm ready."
One last deep breath"
"As I was saying-"
Somehow Seto was already taking notes and his faint scratching echoed around the room as Atem explained
"What I said was…That is so sad, Alexa play Despacito. Do you guys remember when I told you what a meme was?"
4 of the 6 priests nodded. Karim looked vaguely lost. Seto beckoned to his servant to quickly bring him the notes on memes he had taken.
"Well, that's ANOTHER one of those memes."
"So this is just another one? Is it a…A pepe?"
Well at least Mahad tried.
"No..If you remember a pepe is a sad green frog. This is just a verbal meme."
Seto stopped taking notes for a second and asked
"So, what you're telling me is that these memes can be both illustrated and verbal?"
"Yes exactly. Now this meme is commonly used in a situation where something bad happens. For example…My former friend Yugi said it for anything. Even the smallest inconvenience. Whenever he lost a card game, when he stubbed his toe, when he forgot he had to do something…."
Nods of understanding.
Yes! He was finally getting through to them!
Except for Karim.
But fuck Karim anyway.
"Okay cousin but what exactly is "Alexa" and "Despacito" I can't find any words that correlate to those things in our language."
"Well. Um. In the modern world, we had these…Devices that would play music for us automatically without needing an actual musician. These devices could be accessed by verbally saying the words "Alexa play""
With the speed at which Seto was writing Atem was scared he'd break his pen.
"And as for Despacito…It was a very popular song in the modern world. Extremely popular. It was even voted their most popular song of the summer."
Shada nodded
"Ah…I see! The joke is that the popular song contradicts the upsetting situation isn't it?"
Atem could have wept tears of joy.
"Yes! Yes, Shada! That's exactly it!"
Shada looked into his eyes and for a second Atem felt something akin to pure elation.
Ra bless Egypt.
The other priests nodded in understanding as Seto finished his third page of notes.
"Cousin, can you check the spelling on these documents later, I think I'm spelling it all wrong but I don't want to derail Karim's presentation on the agricultural district more than we already have."
For the first time since Atem had taken control of the meeting, Karim popped back to life.
"Yes, of course, Priest Seto! As I was saying-"
Atem sunk back into his chair, his brief moment of happiness quickly squashed.
fucking Karim.
Hi, I wrote this all in an hour and I know if I proofread it I won't publish it so I'm sorry. I've written stupid things in my dad and I have to say I think this MIGHT be the dumbest. The last time I journeyed into the comedy section of the yugioh fandom, I was berated harshly so hopefully, this time will be different. Drop a review if y'all are interested in me continuing this.
-Kat
