Chapter 1
A/N: This FanFic is dedicated to Staff Sergeant Rodemocker; who I had the displeasure of having as my Squad Leader. Here's to hoping the rest of the world treats you kindly in your semi-retirement Staff Sergeant.
Sitting up I rub my head and look around. I was in a large forest that was bright and colorfull. Spotting my backpack and a duffel bag I reach over and start to look through it. In the backpack was my laptop, iPod, some animal crackers, my kindle, and my phone. Looking through the duffel bag was some civillian clothes and my various Marine Corp issued uniforms.
"Hey Tyler, a little help here." a familiar voice called out to me. Looking up I see William stuck in a tree. He wore blue jeans and a Pokémon t-shirt. William had brown curly hair in contrast to my black straight and short cut hair. I had on my normal black jeans, grey shirt, and black jacket. I had known William for about seven years now and we were pretty good friends.
"Oh hey William." I said as I stood up and threw on my backpack.
"Sooo are you going to help me?" he asked. Looking up at him I raised an eyebrow.
"Well I could..." I said slowly.
"But you're not are you." he said as he began to struggle.
"Nope." I told him as I continued to watch. After a couple of minutes there was a loud snap as on of the tree branches snapped and he fell. Hitting the ground he groaned and held his head.
"That looked like it hurt." I told him.
"It did." he said as he stood up and gave the tree a sharp kick. Immediately afterwards, a backpack fell and hit him on the head.
"To bad I don't care."
"You can be a real ass sometimes you know that." William said a he began to go through the contents.
"You know that if we were in Equestria it would be my special talent." I said.
"But you are in Equestria." a female voice said behind me. Turning around I see a lavender unicorn with purple hair and a six pointed star on her flank.
"God fucking dammit. William I blame you." I said as my brain tried to process what I was seeing.
"What? Why?" William asked as he picked up his backpack.
"Why not?" I said as my brain continued to process what was standing in front of me. Then it hit me... it was Twilight Sparkle. Wait? If she's standing in front of me then that means we're in Equestria. Fuck it, I'm not going to question how we got here and just accept it. I mean this is every bronies dream right?
"Excuse me but who are you?" the lavender unicorn asked.
"I'm a demon straight out of hell." I told her.
"What?" she asked.
"Just don't question anything he says or does. He's pretty much an asshole version of Pinkie Pie." William said.
"First how do you know Pinkie pie? Second what are you? And third what's an asshole?"
"An asshole is a person/ pony that takes enjoyment out of others suffering and humiliation." William told her.
"That sounds really mean."
"He can be. But once you get to know Tyler he's actually pretty nice. Also before you ask him anything, make sure you're prepared for the answer. He is slightly insane."
"He is?" she asked.
"Of course I am. In the last thirty seconds I've figured out five hundred and seventy two different ways to kill you. Would you like a demonstration?" I asked as I raised my eyebrows at her. Her face paled and she looked absolutely mortified.
"N-N-No thanks. You still haven't answered my other questions." she muttered as she continued to stare at me. Before I could make a smartass remark, I was distracted by a butterfly that flew in front of my face. Oh my god that butterfly is pink... and red... and yellow... and silver. After many more ADHD related discoveries later I felt someone tap me on the arm.
"Come on, Twilight's giving us a place to stay." William told me. Picking up my duffel bag I followed both of them through the forest. Again I was distracted from the conversation as my ADHD senses began to tingle. We walked and walked and eventually a large town came into view. A sign said 'Welcome to Ponyville' in different colors. As we walked through the town a lot of ponies stared at me and William. Suddenly a pink blur appeared in front of me.
"I'veneverseenaponylikeyoubefore! AreyounewtoPonyville? OhmygoshthatmeansIhavetothrowyouaprty! Bye" the pink party mare said as she vanished into thin air.
"Processing... processing... processing... processing... Error, error, error. Mind has been overly fucked, shutting down for repairs." I said out loud. As we continued to walk through the town I noticed a lot of ponies were staring and whispering. Some even ran into their houses and locked the doors. Coming within sight of the library, I noticed there was one thing that was different than in the show, it was fucking huge. At least four stories tall. Well it is the town library so I guess it would be pretty big... especially if Twilight lives there. Following William and Twilight, I step inside and took a look around. There were books everywhere, On the walls, tables, floor, and even the ceiling somehow. I was in heaven. So many more books to read. But even as I was staring in awe at all the books, the other half of my brain decided to take over.
"Hey Twilight... these are a lot of nice books you have here... it would be a shame if something where to happen to them." I said as I put my things down.
"Yes, they are nice and yes it would be a shame if something happened to them. Some are really rare." she told me as she walked into another room.
"Do either of you want anything to drink?" I heard Twilight ask me and William.
"Water please." William sais.
"Only if that thing is you." I said. A moment later I realized that sounded either incredibly stupid, made no sense at all, or sounded incredibly creepy.
"I'm fine thank you." I said a moment later. As I looked at the books a few of them caught my eye. Pulling them off the shelf I take a look at them. They were philosophy and history books, but that was okay I liked both subjects. I sat down and opened one of the books and started to read. It was nothing I haven't read before but it provided a new aspect. I don't know how long it was but it must have been a couple of hours at the least, when I felt someone watching me. Looking up I saw Twilight Sparkle reaching up to tap me on the shoulder.
"Yes?" I asked.
"You don't seem to be the kind of pony who would be interested in that kind of literature." she said. I looked over her shoulder to see William and Spike talking about something that I couldn't hear.
"If thy looks only at another's skin and not the heart that lays within; Thy will live a fool's life." I told her as I marked my place and set the book down. Twilight just gave me a confused look.
"Okay Twilight, how many sides are there to every story?" I asked.
"Two." she responded.
"Wrong. There are three sides. In a traditional story, there is the heroes perspective, the villain's, and the hidden meaning. People, or in this case, ponies are no different. There's the side that everyone/pony sees, the side that only close friends see, and the side that only people/ponies that have known you your entire life see."
"Oh... I-I think I know what your talking about." she said slowly.
"I doubt it." I said as I picked up the book and continued to read. After a moment Twilight walked away. Again, the time passed quickly, and I soon found that both Twilight and Spike had left, leaving only me and William at the library.
"Hey, where'd Twilight and Spike go?" I asked William as I stood up and stretched.
"They went out for a bit." he replied.
"I can see that dumb ass, but where?"
"I don't know.
"Fine, be like that. I see how it is." I said as I opened my duffle bag. Reaching out I pulled out my BDU's, brown undershirt, and black combat boots. Looking around I spotted the bathroom. Stepping inside I quickly changed. I would have put on my MARPACS, the Marine Corp jungle digitals, but I hated the damned with a passion. While they were slightly more comfortable than the forest camouflage I was currently wearing, they looked ugly as shit, and were completely useless in an actual combat zone.
"So... what now?" I asked. Before William could respond, there was a knock at the door. Standing up William walked over to the door and opened it. Beyond the door I saw two birds holding a sign that read, 'follow us.'
"Where do you think they're leading us? One of Pinkie's parties at Sugarcube Corner?" William asked as we followed the birds.
"Noooo, they're taking us to Shangri Lar so we can learn the secrets of immortality..." I said sarcastically, "Of fucking course they are. Wait I have n Idea."
"Uh oh, that's bad."
"You haven't even heard the plan yet."
"Don't need to. Any plan made by you is a bad plan." William said as we continued to follow the birds. Approaching the candy covered bakery/house; I saw it was completely dark. As we approached I saw the birds fly through an open window and then disappeared.
"Wait here for two minutes." I told William, an evil smile on my face. Walking off without waiting for a response, I head towards the window that the birds had flown through a moment ago. I slowly throw first one leg over the window sill and then the other, careful not to make any noise. As I stepped inside I heard the whispering of voices.
"Where are they? They should be here by now?" a voice I recognized as Twilight said. Even as she said this the door opened and William walked in. All the lights flipped on and I found myself blinded.
"Surprise!" I heard a few dozen ponies yell.
"Son of a bitch." I said to myself as rubbed my eyes. Finally regaining my sight back, I take a look around. There was a table covered with cupcakes, muffins, assorted sweets, and a bowl of punch. Scattered all over the place were streamers and balloons. In the far corner was a pin the tail on the pony game.
"This is going to be a long night."
Quote of the Day: "This is for all the idiot comments you're going to make in the next forty eight hours." my Squad Leader to me when he pushed me out of a still moving helicopter during a training exercise.
