hello, fine people! a new story for you all!

okay, i have no idea what the hell was going through my head as i wrote this (especially the first bit - you have been warned!) but it just kinda came to me and wouldn't leave me alone, so i decided to put myself out of my miserey and write it all down!

please REVIEW!! i have no idea where to take this, so i need as much inspiration as i can get!

hope you enjoy!


"Doctor I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore,"

The Doctor looked at Rose. His amazing, beautiful Rose. He looked at the tears whelming in her eyes and said… nothing. There was nothing to say. He knew what was coming next.

"I would've waited my whole life, but that just wasn't enough, was it?"

Still the Doctor said nothing. Instead, he looked at his shoes, the pain in his Rose's eyes was just too much for his two hearts to bare.

"Doctor, I found the right man for me… and he wasn't you. I'm going to marry him. He loves me…"

It was then that he should've said something. It was then that he could've changed what happened next, the look in Rose's eyes were telling that.

Just say no, Doctor. Just say you need me and I will come with you.

But still the Doctor just couldn't find the words,

"Doctor, I loved you with everything I was. I would've followed you to the edge of the Earth if you had told me it was flat, and you wanted to see if it was true.

"But you could never say it, could you? You could never fight for me. Not in that way. Fight for my life, yes, but for me – and only me – that's something you could never do."

Rose was crying freely now. She was looking at him with hatred and pain, but still there was something, something telling him to stay, pleading with him to fight.

"You'll be… you're invited to the wedding, if you want to come…" Rose all but whispered, one last hope in her breaking voice.

"I can't. I'm sorry." The Doctor eventually found his voice, but it was too late. Too late to stop her, "Good luck, Rose Tyler, have a fantastic life. For me…" he whispered the last bit, so quiet he couldn't be sure that Rose heard him. He couldn't be sure if he wanted Rose to hear him.

The Doctor turned and walked back up the beach. Away from the woman he loved with all and both his hearts.

"Doctor…" Rose whispered, but the Doctor never turned. Never looked back. He was slowly dying with every step he took, knowing that he would never be able to go back.

Rose was happy, and that was all the Doctor had ever wanted he to be – happy. So why wasn't he happy? Rose could have the life she had always dreamed of, with a man who loved her. With the Doctor she would be hurt and broken. Why wasn't he pleased for her? He should be pleased.

He reached the TARDIS.

Turn around, Doctor. Tell her you want her. Tell her how much you need her and she will come. She can be yours. She loves you.

But the Doctor didn't turn around. He didn't run up to Rose and place his arms around her and beg for her to come with him, like he knew he should. He didn't tell her what she meant to him. He just left. And broke his hearts in the process.

.o0o0o

"Rose!"

The Doctor woke with a start, only to be met by firm hands as he tried to sit up,

"Rose?" the Doctor repeated, slightly confused,

"No, Doctor, Rose is gone. It's me, it's Jamee," the Doctor blinked, and looked up at the woman holding him softly but firmly. Sure enough, it was Jamee, not Rose, with her arms loosely draped around his shoulders, guiding him up from his uneasy sleeping position at the TARDIS control desk.

He must've fallen asleep at the computer again. Unusual, as a Time Lord he didn't need much sleep, but lately he seemed to be falling asleep at his work more and more often.

"It was the dream again, wasn't it?" Jamee asked the groggy and, quite frankly, confused Doctor,

"Yer…" the Doctor replied, sinking into his thoughts again.

It had been a year since that day at the beach. Since the day his Rose had declared she was to be married. Since he lost her.

"You miss her." It wasn't a question, it was just a statement. True, the Doctor did miss Rose. He missed the way she took his hand whenever she was scared, or excited, or sad… or happy – for that matter. He missed the way she called his name and the way no-one in the universe could make such a good cup of tea. He missed everything about her.

Forget her, Doctor, a little voice in the back of his mind said, move on. She has.

Oh, how the Doctor hated that little voice!

Jamee was still there, looking at the Doctor with concern and pity in her eyes. The Doctor knew that look all too well. Smiling at her, sadly, the Doctor pulled Jamee into a tight hug, letting her rest her tired head onto his welcoming shoulder.

Yes. He missed Rose.

.o0o0o

"Doctor…" A final resort for a girl who's heart was breaking, watching the man she had loved walk away from her. Knowing he would never return. A plead, a beg for him to turn around, to shout "No!" and whisk her off in his arms away to some random, far away place, never to look back. But he wouldn't do that, not her Doctor. In his eyes she was happy with her fiancé, and he would never take that away from her.

And she loved him for that.

And she hated him for that

"Rose?" A gentle voice broke into Rose's memories, and she looked to see Toby's smiling, but slightly worried face peering at her through the semi-darkness.

"Rose, you alright?"

They had been married for about a year now, and Rose still found herself thinking and dreaming of the Doctor! She had to let go, or risk loosing her husband.

"It was the dream again, wasn't it?" Rose nodded, slightly. Oh, how she hated to admit it to him when her head was filled with the Doctor. A man who was so obviously not her husband.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, leaning into Toby's warm chest and listening to his one heartbeat.

She remembered leaning into the Doctor's chest, that first time, before she had known about his second heart. She remembered seeking comfort, and, not realising what she was doing, laying her head against his chest, only to jump back as she was greeted by a double heartbeat! Bloody hell that man had made her jump!

It hadn't taken Rose long to get used to that lovely, steady, reassuring, double heartbeat. Before long, it was all she needed.

Stop! Stop that right now!

Rose thought, furious with herself for thinking of that!

The Doctor's gone. Forever.

Tears welled up in her eyes as Rose thought that, but she shook herself as she added,

But I don't need him. I've got Toby. He's all I need now!

That was right. She had chosen Toby. Not the Doctor. Toby would stand by her side no matter what.

The Doctor stood by your side, no matter what. He even stood by your side when you were choosing someone else!

Oh, how Rose was beginning to loath that little voice in the back of her head. She knew it was speaking the truth, but that's not the sort of thing you think of. Not while in bed. With your husband. No, not good.

.o0o0o

"Rose?" Toby had woken to the quiet sounds of sobbing from beside him. He knew without looking or thinking that it was Rose. And, although it broke his heart, he knew exactly why.

"Rose, are you alright?" and again, he knew without her having to answer that she wasn't alright.

"It was the dream again, wasn't it?" he felt her nod slowly against his arm, and felt his heart break.

He knew she still thought about the Doctor. From the moment she watched him walk away from her on that beach, he knew she missed him.

They had watched him go. That Doctor. Watched him walk away, leaving Rose behind with no-one. Just Toby.

He didn't try to kid himself into thinking that Rose never wandered what her life would've been like if she hadn't chosen him. If she had left with her Doctor. But she had. She had chosen Toby. And for all he loved her for it, he never stopped wondering if Rose, his Rose, had made the right decision.

"Are you okay?" he had asked her, as soon as the Doctor had disappeared in that blue box of his.

She had never answered, and Toby knew she probably never would.

Toby had walked up to her, and put his arms around her, pulling her into a hug, but she had pushed him away. She had turned her head so he wouldn't see the tears, but he knew they were there. She had ran away after that, and Toby didn't think she had ever stopped running. Oh, she came back to him after a few hours, stating "I just needed some time to be alone," but since that day, something inside her just, sorta, shut down. Like part of herself was switched off, and whenever Toby, or anyone else for that matter, tried to talk to her about it, she just changed the subject.

Rose lent her head against his chest, her breathing slowing down to match the steady rhythm of his own. He brought up a hand and began gently stroking her arm, desperately trying to calm her, and reassure her that everything would be okay.

As Rose drifted off into another uneasy sleep, Toby knew her dreams would return to the Doctor, and not him.

I have her, she chose me.

But he still couldn't ignore that nagging feeling in the back of his mind that said,

But she wanted to chose the Doctor.