Laying on my side, I stare out the window. It's almost dusk.

Stupid, I think to myself, tears threatening to roll down my face as I'm overwhelmed by the hot shame of what just happened. God, I just keep on replaying the scene in my head.

Sitting on the tree branch outside of school, Connor waves me over. He's finally off his crutches, so now we can walk around and hang out with ease. I smile and walk to him, lighthearted and happy to see my boyfriend. As I boost myself up, the sound of the beach washes over us.

"Hey," Connor says, grabbing my hand as he helps me up. My fingers are painted my favorite shade of warpaint-blue.

Once I'm settled, I lean my head against his shoulder. The sun is high in the sky and I'm content, for the moment, just to be with him. Connor laces his fingers through mine and I can feel his shoulders rise and fall with each breath. Just then, I look up at him, and he takes my chin in his hand, drawing my face closer to his until-

"Faggots!"

The shout breaks me out of my trance and I snap my head towards its source, Geo, an obnoxious ninth grader. Redness flushing through my face, I hop off the branch and walk over to him.

"What did you say?" I yell. Connor un-gracefully follows me.

"Nothin', just that you two are a couple of fags," Geo responds. He has dark, floppy, oily hair and a mean smile. I don't like him at all.

"Hey, just shut the hell up, man," Connor says from behind us. Geo smirks.

"Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do about it, princess?"

Suddenly, and I don't really understand what's happening, I swing my fist across Geo's face. The older boy splays across the ground and I stare at him as his friends begin to approach. "Jude, what are you doing?" Connor asks, grabbing my shoulder.

I look at him. "He shouldn't- he shouldn't just be allowed to call us faggots," I say angrily. Connor doesn't reply, he only looks at me, afraid.

Without knowing what to do, I turn away and storm home. The walk is long, but it helps clear my head, and by the time I get back I realize how stupid I've been.

Now, I'm just lying in bed. What if Connor thinks you're crazy now? Or what if he thinks being in a gay relationship is gonna be too hard?

As all of this runs through my head, I hear a knock at the door downstairs. I'm the only one home- everyone else is still at work or school- so I have to get up and get it.

I'm expecting to see some sales-person or maybe the school security, so I'm surprised when I see Connor on our stoop.

"Hey," he says, head down a little sheepishly. "Can I come in?"

After a beat, I step aside. Connor follows me upstairs.

"So," I say, closing my bedroom door behind us, "why did you … come here?"

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Connor shrugs. I sit next to him.

"I was worried about you," he says. I stare at him.

"I'm sorry," I finally respond, "for lashing out."

Shrugging again, Conner turns towards me. "It's alright."

"You're not mad?"

"No … I mean, I wouldn't make punching people in the face a habit, but it was actually pretty cool. You stuck up for us- for me. That's really cool, Jude," my boyfriend says.

I smile slowly. "Well," I eventually continue, "I'm a cool dude."

Connor laughs. "You shoulda seen Geo, though. After you left, he started crying so hard, man, and his nose was bleeding all over the place and he kept saying all this crap about wanting his Mom and stuff … God, it was great."

I chuckle, and then smile at Connor. "Should we go back to school?"

"No," he says, shaking his head. "I'm comfortable right here."

And then my boyfriend kisses me, and it's not the usual three-second pecks we've shared up until now. He is sort of moving his lips like … like we're making out. I don't really know what to do- I'm not experienced in this sort of thing- so I just open my mouth, pretty surprised when he slips his tongue in. I'm not so surprised, however, that I don't notice the way this is making me feel, like there's a fire in my chest. I scoot around a little so that I can face him better but then Connor begins to push his body down onto mine and I lay back on the bed. We break away, but only for a second, and then we both start to laugh and continue to make out. I don't know how long passes before I gently put my hands against his chest and begin to trace the outline of his abs and pecs- which are pretty in well defined because of baseball and physical therapy. Connor takes his lips off of mine only for a split second as he removes his shirt, and then lowers himself down, whereas before he'd been hovering above me. I can feel that he's hard and it startles me but I smile, because I know I'm doing that to him.

Gently, Connor begins to pull at the hem of my shirt, and I take it off. I'm self conscience because he's so in shape and I'm pretty lean, even though I am taller. Thank God for growth spurts.

"I'm not very muscular," I say nervously, but then Connor leans down and kisses my chest.

"You're perfect," he whispers.

"No," I respond after a minute. "We're perfect together. I love you."

Grinning at me, Connor leans close to my face and gives me a short and soft kiss on the lips. "I love you, too."