And it begins….
…..*/*…..
I tap my fingers on the desk.
Nope. Not out yet.
I play a rapid tune with my fingers on the hard wood, ignoring the annoyed glances from random kids in the classroom.
Not fucking out yet.
Think about something else. Wow, that's a really nice bird out there. Did it just land on that tree? Holy shit, what grace!
There's no fucking bird.
It's just a fucking sky. There's not even a tree.
I stop tapping a tune and instead slam my head on my desk. Next to me, Craig jumps five feet in the air, flips me off, then grabs his books and sits in the next desk over.
I sigh dramatically and slam my head once again.
Not yet.
Once more.
Nope.
One more fucking time.
That's it! Its'-
Nope.
He's still there.
I can't get him out of my head!
Goddammit.
I lift my head and stare at the lights above me.
They're so pretty.
Holy fuck.
I must be hallucinating, because I swear I can see his smile in the lights.
Wait. No.
I look out the window and try to stare at the sun.
There it is. There's his smile. How beautiful…
I temporarily go blind, just like all the other times I catch his fleeting smiles. I keep staring out the window, at the sky, and can't help but think what a beautiful day it is. Such a beautiful day. It reminds me of his shirt. The sky, I mean. How it wraps around his frail little body, protects him from the harsh world around him…
I want to protect him. I want to be his shirt.
Wait. What?
I'm making no fucking sense. I sigh dramatically again and Craig gives me a freaked out look.
I look at him and smile. "I'm in love."
He freaks the fuck out and trips on his book as he runs out the door.
I chuckle to myself and look back up at the classroom lights. I remember when I first saw him smile. No…I had seen it before. But for some reason, at that moment, I actually noticed. It's wasn't 'Oh he smiled', it was, 'Oh he-Wow. Wow. Do that again.'
I couldn't take my eyes off of him. All I wanted to see was that smile again, to see the way his eyes crinkled in laughter every time Tweek had another twitch or whenever Kyle politely talked with him. I wanted to openly stare at him all day, just to catch another once in a lifetime glance of that beautiful smile.
But I know I can't openly stare without seeming like a freak. So I only openly stare when no one else is looking. Or if he ever talks, which in itself is rare, I take that moment to sink all of him in so that when his words are finished I can have the image of his face burned into my memory every time I close my eyes.
I sigh again and kicked the chair next to me, just for laughs. I need to stop thinking about him so much or else my brain would turn to goo and Kyle would have to keep me for the next experiment.
But I can't! I can't get his smile out of my mind, I can't get his eyes out of my brain, and I can't get the image of me holding his little body to my chest out of my heart.
God fuck it. I need a fucking poetry book, this crap is gettin' deep.
I need to get him out. People are already starting to act weird around me, as if they know something is up. Especially Craig. What the hell did I do to make him look at me like I'm a freak?
…oh. Never mind.
He's just so perfect though! The more I want him out of my head, the more he barges in, and images of me holding him, kissing him, licking him…
Whoa. Whoooooooaa. –cough-.
Anyway. He's just always there. He refuses to leave. I doubt he even knows how much I'm obsessing over him, because every time I see him, he looks oblivious, even though I'm practically undressing him with my eyes and taking him against the wall and ripping his pants off with my teeth just to lick his stomach and feel him shiver and-
I slammed my head on my desk.
Fuck.
I took a deep breath and slowly lifted my head once more.
He really is a beautiful boy. He's small enough to almost look like a girl. But he's not a girl, he's a boy. A beautiful baby face boy that can't get out of my head.
I want to hold him so bad. I want to hold his hand. I want to touch him, to lazily graze my fingertips against his arms and breath in the scent of his skin. I want to ruffle my fingers through his hair and kiss his cheek. I want to kiss his neck and his shoulder. I want to feel his stomach underneath mine. I want to slip my hand underneath his shirt, looking into his eyes, our gaze broken only for a moment as I lift his shirt above his head. I want to graze my fingers down his chest and watch him shiver underneath me. I want to kiss my way down underneath his chin and suck on his neck, to bite it and mark him, to make him mine. I want to kiss his lips and slip my tongue to tangle with his as I slip his pants past his ankles, and touch places he probably doesn't fully comprehend. I want to teach him everything he doesn't know about the bedroom, and feel him clench around me as I move slowly inside him and bite his ear and pump his-
"Kenny."
I scream bloody murder and jump from my seat. Kyle stares at me, amusement written on his features.
"Why did you scream 'bloody murder'?" he asked.
I blinked. "oh…did I actually say that?"
He nodded and laughed, patting my shoulder in pity. "Do I even want to know what you were thinking about? Or should I let this stay up the ass like it should?" Kyle laughed.
I looked at Kyle like he was nuts. "Why the fuck did you word it like that?"
Kyle paused for a moment. "I don't know. It just came to me. Weird huh?" he laughed again.
I had a sudden terrifying yet understandable realization that Kyle was psychic.
Stan interrupted my newfound discovery by slapping me on the back. "What's up dude! Why are you all red?" Kyle tried to hold in laughter as I stood stonily and wanted to punch the both of them in the mouth.
As the conversation lulled to Kyle and Stan talking about whatever the fuck they talk about, my mind wondered once again to him.
Fuck fuck fuck! Get out of my head!
And then he walked in. As if his presence was accompanied with millions of angels and halos, as he walked through the door he seemed to shine. Tweek seemed to had said something funny, because the angel laughed then, and the sight near took my breathe away. My heart began to beat as the stealer of my sanity walked toward me. There he was.
Cartman.
Just kidding. Don't kill me. Seriously, just kidding.
Butters.
He rubbed his knuckles together as he smiled at Kyle, Stan and I. I ignored that the other two were there for the moment and pretended the smile was for me.
Tweek greeted us and Butters nodded nervously. Images of us together grouped in an instant and I tried to shoo them out as I failed at following the current conversation.
At a chance glance, Butters and I locked eyes. For a moment he seemed to hesitate, then in an instant, he gave me a sweet nervous smile that almost immediately had me smiling back.
Okay. Fine. I give in.
He can stay in my head as long as he wants.
And maybe one day…I won't be afraid of having my dreams come true.
…..^/^…..
OMG don't kill me XD ahahaha
Well hope you enjoyed :] remember, review please! I love hearing your thoughts :D
