Snape Goes to the Store to Buy a Pickle and Some Toilet Paper
The battle at Hogwarts was raging all around professor Snape. Voldemort was gaining and preparing to attack the castle. Snape was fighting as hard as could but then he stopped dead still…...he remembered something. The teacher's lounge was out of toilet paper and pickles. At that moment he was torn. Was he to stay and fight against he who must not be named or run to the store and pick up the necessities? Snape looked all around him. He saw his fellow co-workers falling in a swift flash of light. He saw the students that he hated with a deep passion die before his eyes. At that moment he made a decision that would change his life forever. He decided to go to the store. He began to run down the corridors heading to the main door. On his way he passed Harry Potter, knocking him down on the floor. Snape laughed as Ginny walked over and put her ear to Harry's foot checking for a heartbeat. She shook her head in dismay. She was too late.
Once Snape was outside he shot down a couple bad guys, tried to wail on Voldemort a little, and then hopped on a broom and headed towards the nearest Wal-Mart (Snape had a thing for shopping centers in the USA). When he finally arrived he walked to find a bunch of creepy muggles doing their shopping and his first thought was "Who goes shopping in the middle of the night?" He looked down at himself with disgust. "Oh well", he thought cheerfully as he happily skipped towards a large jar of pickles. There he was faced with his first obstacle within the mighty store of Wal-mart. A muggle was standing blocking his way.
Being too shy to ask her to move politely he roared "50 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" She ran as fast as she could in the opposite direction. He looked fondly upon himself for being so clever.
Next to the toilet paper aisle. After picking up the most lovely smelling package of toilet paper he headed to the cash register and promptly began sorting through his coupons, a dollar off a large jar of pickles, "Perfect!" he thought, and a buy one, get one half off on toilet paper. He sighed loudly making the cashier jump. He offered her some gum then headed back to pick up some more toilet paper. When he arrived back at the toilet paper isle he was surprised to find Mundungus Fletcher picking up the last package of scented toilet paper. He wasn't going to let this go without a fight. He drew his wand and tried to think of the worst curse possible. He couldn't, so instead he punched him. Flailing his arms madly Mundungus fell to the ground with a crash.
From that moment on he remembered that, as the night he walked into Wal-mart a shopper, and came out a hero.
