Of Magic and Cheese
Welcome! Welcome my colts and fillies!
Gather round for some tales so totally silly!
In this first Pony Tale you'll see quite a sight.
As we tell you a tale of cheese and Twilight.
Teehee-LOL-Haha-SNORT!
Our story begins way back in time when little filly Twilight was just a budding new student at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns.
Cause, ya know, why not?
"Twilight, honey?" shouted Twilight's dad, Night Light, as he knocked at Twilight's door. He opened it.
"Are you up—"
Night Light stopped short upon seeing his daughter already up and pouring over a set of books.
"Goooooood Morning, dad!" shouted Twilight. "Beautiful day, right?"
Night Light shook his head. "I really don't know why I even bother asking anymore."
He stepped into his daughter's room.
"You ready for the big day, sweetie?"
Twilight ZIPPED over in front of him.
"You bet I am! In fact I'm ready for all the days for the next five months!"
"Uh…what?"
"You see," said Twilight zipping around the room.
"I've already finished all the books on Celestia's reading list." She gestured to a large pile of books.
"Coordinated a color coded schedule for my magic practice." She gestured to a massive chart. "With room for extracurricular magic practice." she stated smugly.
"Researched and devised the absolute most efficient system of raising and nurturing little baby Spike." she said as she coochy-cooed the newly hatched dragon as he sucked on a piece of paper.
"And, since I had ample time left over, I even figured out a way to add some variety to my wardrobe by assigning a different colored ribbon to tie on my saddlebags every day for the next year!"
She used her magic to tie a teal ribbon onto the strap of her saddle bag.
"Wanna know what color I'm wearing eight weeks from now?!"
Twilight grinned up at her father, enthusiasm practically shooting out of her eyes. Night Light smiled awkwardly.
"Uh, no thanks, sweetie." he said as he backed toward the door. "As long as you're ready for today's magic fair I'm right as rainbooms. See you downstairs!"
He quickly turned and fled through the open door, magically closing it behind him.
"Okay, dad!"
Twilight stood there smiling, content with all the world.
...
Twilight's eyes shot wide open.
"Magic fair?"
She zipped over to her schedule.
"What magic fair?! When?! How?! Why was this not on my schedule?!"
A small gurgle sounded from behind her.
Twilight turned to see Spike still sucking on his paper. She magically grabbed it out of his claws and unfurled it revealing a large, colorful flyer reading "Magic Fair Today!" covered in "DO NOT FORGET!" sticky notes.
"NO!" She gripped the side of Spike's crib. "Spike, how could you—Oh, 8:15. Time to suck on your sapphire like a good dragon. How could you do this to me?! YOU'VE SENTENCED ME TO DOOOOOM!"
Twilight slide to the ground in agony as Spike contentedly sucked on the sapphire she had levitated into his claws.
Twilight shot up.
"You're right Spike. This is all my fault. I should have realized there was something wrong when I had all that time to plan ribbon choices. Oh, why did I have to be so fashion forward?!"
She grimaced as her head snapped toward the window where the sun was shining brightly outside. She sprinted to the window and jerked the curtains shut.
"Celestia must never know." she said, glancing to the sides as if Celestia herself were somehow hiding in the room.
"Think, Twilight. I just need to come up with a completely original, totally new magic fair project before—"
"Twilight, honey!" shouted Night Light. "It's time for school!"
"NO!"
"I made you quesadillas for lunch!"
"Oooh! Quesadillas!" she licked her lips. "But no! I still need…Wait! That's it!"
She ran over to her pile of books, shifting through them like a mad mare.
"Come on. Come on. It's gotta be…Ah-ha!" she proclaimed as she levitated a book in the air. "Intermediate Spells of the Culinary Arts!"
She flipped the book open turning to a page near the front that showed an elegant chocolate sculpture of a unicorn dancing with an earth pony.
"If I can adjust this chocolate sculpting spell, and turn it into a cheese sculpting spell, then I'll have a project for the magic fair! I might even win first place. It's brilliant! Right?!"
She turned to Spike who continued sucking his sapphire.
"I'll take that as a yes."
Later, at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns…
"Hrrrrrrrg!"
In the school auditorium which was packed with young unicorns standing in front of booths displaying their magic fair projects, four judges watched with bored expressions as a young unicorn colt grunted with effort. The young colt's horn sparked and sparked before POP! The colt's coat turned from blue to orange! Then pink! Then polka-dot!
The judges smiled, nodding and murmuring amongst themselves as they made marks on their clip boards.
As the judges stood admiring the young colt's magic, Twilight paced nervously in front of her booth only a few places down the line. The booth itself was far below her usual standards, consisting of only herself, a meticulously yet hastily crafted display, and a plate of quesadillas sitting on a stool.
"Okay. You can do this Twilight. Just concentrate, remember your training, and everything will be perfect!" She grinned. "I mean, sure, you've never even tried this spell. Or any of the culinary art spells. And you're trying to adjust the spell for a completely different medium than what is was intended. But that's not a big deal, right?"
"Ms. Sparkle?"
"RIGHT?!"
Twilight whirled around with a frantic look in her eyes only to find herself face to face with the judges, all staring at her with a mix of curiosity and concern. Twilight sheepishly drew back, giggling nervously.
The judges quickly exchanged wary looks before the lead judge cleared her throat.
"So, Ms. Sparkle, what have you got for us today?"
Twilight took a deep breath, composing herself. She stood up straight.
"Esteemed judges. For my magic fair project today I will be attempting to turn the cheese from these quesadillas into a cheese sculpture!"
"That's quit an advanced spell for a unicorn your age. Are you certain you're prepared for this?"
"HAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA! AAAAAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Twilight a little too loudly. The judges took a hesitant step back eyeing each other.
Twilight gave the judges a huge fake smile before turning towards the quesadillas. She once more took a deep breath, drawing her hoof down in front of her face as she composed herself.
She eyed the quesadillas. The quesadillas didn't eye her because they had no eyes. She planted her hoofs, bracing herself. And with a final breath her horn began to glow.
"Hrrrrrrrrrrrrg!"
The judges watched as Twilight grunted. At first nothing happened. The quesadillas remained still.
"Hrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg!"
Just as the judges were preparing to make some less than satisfactory marks on their clip boards the quesadillas began to move.
One by one the quesadillas opened, revealing their cheesy centers.
"Hrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg!"
First the cheese bubbled and twisted until it formed a small flower in the middle of each quesadilla.
"Ooooooooh." said the judges.
Then the cheese rose higher, growing until it formed a medium sized cheese unicorn.
"Aaaaaaaaaaah." said the judges.
Then the cheese rose even higher forming a vicious and unsettling cheese timber wolf.
"Uuuuuuuuuuh." said the judges.
Twilight opened her eyes and looked up at the bubbling cheese sculpture as it began to melt and morph, growing bigger and bigger.
"Uh-oh."
"Um, Ms. Sparkle." said the head judge. "You can stop now."
Twilight tried to turn off the magic, but her horn kept glowing.
"No!" said Twilight. "No. I. Can't!"
BOOM! A blast of light burst from Twilight's horn!
Twilight reeled as the cheese sculpture grew and grew flooding off the stool and across the floor. The cheese touched the hoof of one of the judges and—
SLURP!
Sucked him right inside the cheese glob!
The other judges pedaled back.
"RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIVES!"
The entire auditorium descended into pandemonium. Young colts and fillies fled everywhere, making a mad dash for freedom as the cheese monstrosity crashed across the floor like a tidal wave.
As a young colt and filly fled across the floor the cheese glob GRABBED the colt's leg. He dropped to the floor.
"Drama Hoof! NO!" shouted the young filly.
"Remember meeeeeeee!" shouted Drama Hoof as he was sucked back into the wall of cheese.
Nearby a young filly with a cheese cutie mark stood bravely atop a table.
"What are you doing?!" shouted a colt from below.
"If I'm going out." said the filly. "I'm going out doing what I love! Cheese Ball away!"
With a triumphant cry the young filly LEAPT from the table and dove straight into the cheese monstrosity. She immediately began gorging on the cheese as it slowly sucked her into its folds.
"I have found the end!" shouted Cheese Ball between bites. "And IT. IS. CHEESY~!"
The cheese consumed her, cutting off her valiant cry.
Twlight backed away from the cheese as fast as possible as it crept closer and closer.
"No!" shouted Twilight as the cheese closed in all around her. "I made you! I created you!"
She glanced over her shoulder as her flank hit the wall. She turned and desperately pawed at the wall as if by some miracle she would suddenly develop spider powers right then and there.
"Please no! Please—"
The cheese grabbed her leg and dragged her to the floor.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOglargleglargleglargle…"
Twilight could only glargle in horror as she was sucked inside the cheesy beast, her entire field of vision suddenly going yellow.
Quiet filled the auditorium as the last of the victims were sucked inside.
BUMPH! BUMPH!
The cheese beast began to rumble, giant bubbles forming on its once smooth exterior before—
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
The entire cheese beast EXPLODED scattering cheese and cheese coated unicorns all across the auditorium.
Drama Hoof lay trembling dramatically on the ground while Cheese Ball continued gorging on cheese beside him.
"So…warm." muttered Drama Hoof. "So…very…waaaaaaaarm."
Slowly the judges stood up, rubbing their cheese covered heads.
"What do you suppose just happened?" asked the head judge. "Professor Sparks?"
"Well." said Sparks. "If I had to guess I would say that since the cheese beast was an unstable magical entity to begin with that when it consumed Twilight, and thus the source of its own magical mobility, it cut off its own supply of magic and reached an unstable critical mass."
"I see. And Professor Glitter?" she asked turning to her other side
"I'm pretty sure it just blew up."
"Fascinating."
The judge crossed the floor to where Twilight sat woozily on the floor. Twilight shook her head and looked up at the judges in fright.
"I can explain!" shouted Twilight.
"No need." said the head judge. "While this was definitely the most, uh, interesting use of a culinary arts spell I've ever seen I'm afraid that it just wasn't quite thought through enough to place in this year's magic fair. Still, we would like to award you and all the other students who didn't place this year with a congratulatory participation ribbon!"
The head judge levitated a participation ribbon onto Twilight's horn.
"A participation ribbon?!" shouted Twilight. "But that's like the F of the magic fair!"
"Don't be silly! There are no grades in the magic fair. Only rewards for all the fabulous students who did their absolute best and learned something new! Isn't that right?!"
The young unicorns cheered.
Twilight sat glumly among the cheese staring at her ribbon of good but not excellent participation.
A glob a cheese hissed beside her.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
Twilight SHOT across the auditorium, fleeing with all the force her tiny little legs could muster.
"I'll never eat quesadillas again! Never again!"
Years later
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Twilight Sparkle BURST out the doors of a fiesta decorated Sugar Cube corner, fleeing into the streets of Ponyville.
"Never again! Never again!"
Behind her, Pinkie Pie, wearing a sombrero and holding a plate of quesadillas, and various other party guests peeked out the door looking after the fleeing unicorn. Pinkie Pie reached into her mane and pulled out a manila folder and a quill.
"Twilight Sparkle," said Pinkie Pie, writing with her mouth. "Likes red balloons, but is afraid of quesadillas."
She put the folder and quill back in her mane before turning back to the room.
"Now let's PARTY!"
The guests all CHEERED with exuberant delight as the quesadilla-fiesta continued in full swing.
THE END
