Chapter 1: "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."- Lao Tzu.

Of course I didn't expect to have my head push inside a toilet on my first day of school at McKinley by some bully, but I guess that's what I get for wanting to transfer to a public school. I also didn't expect to fall in love that very same day either, but I guess life has some really fucked up way to mess with you. I remember that day like if it was yesterday and sometimes I even dream about it too.

I remember coming in excited that I was going to make new friends and intrigued by the way everyone looked and dressed since at my old school we all had to wear an uniform, which I liked, but I always wanted to dress more fashionably. I guess that's one of the few reasons why I wanted to transfer from Dalton. That day I went inside the bathroom and I was surprise to see how damage it was and inside there was this tall, buff guy who appeared to be in the football team. Last thing I knew he was grabbing me by the shirt and pushing me towards the toilet, saying "Welcome to McKinley new kid." I was terrified I thought that he was actually going to drown me, but then someone came in and all of a sudden he stopped.

He had stopped after some other guy, who I've never seen before, threaten him by saying something that I didn't quite hear and then the buff guy run out saying, "This isn't over yet, Kurt." After that, that same guy that saved me tried to help me get up from the floor, but I kept my head down most of the time, embarrassed of what had happen. And in my dream that same guy pulled out a handkerchief and gave it to me so that I could clean up and then he told me, "Everything was going to be okay, he won't get near you again." And when I finally lift my head up to see his face I was surprised to see a tall, pale, thin guy with blue eyes, smiling at me. I was so astonished by his beautiful face and kind words that I couldn't stop staring at him for a moment and right when the bell rang, that's where my dream ends.

He left without letting me tell him my name or even thank him for what he did. He just waved and said, "I'm sorry, I can't be late to class again," right before disappearing through the door. Of course I do know this actually happened because I still have the handkerchief in my locker to prove it, but sometimes I wonder if I just made it all up in my head.

Later that day, after changing into a spare set of cloth that I kept on my car, I meet this nice blond girl named Brittany who was nice enough to show me where the auditorium was and in there I saw the same guy again, but this time I didn't talked to him and he passed right by me with his friend and just waved at Brittany. I asked Brittany if she knew the guy and she told me that she was friends with him and confirmed to me that his name was Kurt. Before the assembly Brittany asked me if I wanted to sit with her since her friend was absent that day and I, happily, accepted. As I talked with Brittany I noticed that she wasn't the smartest person, but she was really nice and I liked talking to her, after all she was my first friend at McKinley.

She told me that she knew Kurt from glee club and asked me if I could dance or sing. And when I told her that I could do both she was trilled and told me that I had to try out. At first I was scared to see Kurt again and to have to sing in front of him and everyone in the glee club, but in the end Brittany convinced me. I prepared for a whole week and when the day finally came I auditioned with "Call me irresponsible" by Michael Buble.

After Mr. Shue, the glee club teacher, told me that I was in everyone welcomed me, but when Kurt said, "Nice to meet you." I was confused and asked him if he didn't remember me, but he didn't. He couldn't remember that we had already met and that he saved my life, and I preferred to keep it that way. I wanted a fresh start. I didn't want him to remember me as the defenseless new kid who was almost drowned. And so I pretended like if that incident never happened and I just introduced myself to him, "Hi, my name is Blaine."

I really enjoyed being in the glee club, it made me feel like I was welcomed and it was filled with the most interesting people that I had ever met. I was so impressed on how talented everyone was, but I was especially impressed by how, beautifully, Kurt sang. He made it look so natural and it was just so amazing how well he got into character when he sang. Sometimes I even forgot that I was in glee club surrounded by people and I would just stare at Kurt while he performed.

It turned out that he wasn't just talented, but also really friendly and he would always say hi to me in the hallways. And for some strange reason whenever he was nice to me or showed me the slightest consideration my heart would beat like crazy and I would blush and just smile and he would just look at me with a confuse expression, not knowing the reason why I always looked so happy whenever I saw him. At first it took me a while to understand it myself because I thought that I was just really grateful for what he had done for me, but as time passed by I realize that my feelings for Kurt where different than those of someone who was just grateful.

I was deeply in love with him and I still am after more than a year now. I've become friends with him, but we mostly just talk during glee club about song choices and reality shows that I started watching in the first place just to have something in common to talk about. Naturally, I want to be more than friends with Kurt. I want him to be my boyfriend, but along the way I forgot to tell them all one important detail about myself, that I'm gay. Maybe I never told them because they never asked, but now it seems like it's too late and for some reason they all think I'm straight and maybe it's because they haven't ever seen me making out with a guy, but that's because the only guy I'm interested in making out with doesn't like me that way.

Today, we are all discussing about what songs we should sing for sectionals, but as usual I'm not paying attention and I'm just staring at Kurt while he argues with Rachel on who should get to sing the solos. He looks really attractive today and I didn't mean to stare, but when he walked in with a pair of really tight jeans my mouth fell open and now I can't concentrate. I wonder if he does it on purpose. Maybe there's someone he is interested in and he wears those clothes just to provoke that person. Or maybe he just really likes to wear tight jeans, I mean he has a thing for fashion too and I honestly don't know how he manages to afford all those expensive outfits.

As I look in another direction I notice that Brittany is looking at me and just shakes her head. Did she saw me staring at Kurt, almost drooling? I don't think so, I mean is Brittany, she probably thinks that I'm just falling asleep with my eyes open, but why did she shake her head? Maybe she is trying to tell me something. Well, whatever it was, it's not important since she continue talking with Santana. But what if she did see me drooling over Kurt? I wouldn't mind her knowing about my feelings, after all she is my friend and that way I could get it out of my chest. I always thought about telling her, but I was afraid that she might accidently tell someone else and then if Kurt found out it would be a disaster.

And why do I feel the need to tell anyone about my feelings towards Kurt? Besides it's not like it would change anything.

After glee club, I ran out of the class to my locker so that I could get my stuff quickly and go wait for the bus at the same bus stop where Kurt waits so that this time I won't miss him and we can ride the bus together. I know it's kind of pathetic to do that, but I like spending time with him and if this is what it takes then I don't mind being pathetic. But right before I get out I hear the familiar voice of Brittany calling my name, "Blaine, hold on!"

"Hey Brittany, I'm sorry, but right now is not a good time I have to go," I say.

"Mercedes gave him a ride today," she says.

"What are you talking about?" I say.

"I'm talking about Kurt. I mean isn't that the reason why you're in such a rush?" she asks and my mind goes blank. "I saw you looking at him again today, and Blaine I don't want to sound like I'm getting in your business, but if you don't tell him that you like him he is just going to slip away."

"Brittany what are you talking about?" I ask in shock at what Brittany is saying. How did she found out anyways?

"Oh please, don't try to deny it because I might be stupid at times, but I'm not dumb," she says.

"Wait what? That doesn't even make sense what are you trying to say?" I ask.

"I'm trying to say that you like Kurt and as a friend I suggest you tell him," she says. "Because if you don't he is going to end up asking out that cute guy from the volleyball team that he likes."

"Wait what? What guy!" I say almost screaming, but holding my mouth trying not to sound too desperate.

"That's not what matters," she says. "What matters is that you tell him!"

"First of all how do you even know I'm gay?" I ask.

"Well, I just assumed since you never tried to get in my pants," she says and now I can see the real Brittany again. "Anyways… I just thought that it would be so romantic if two of my best friends would get together."

"Brittany we don't even know if he likes me," I say.

"Well, if you tell him the right way he might," she says with a smile across her face.

"What do you suggest? That I sing a love song to him while riding a white horse," I say sarcastically.

"Oh my god, yes! That's and even better idea than the one I had," she says all excited. "Now, where are we going to get a white horse?"

"Brittany I was just joking," I explain and she seems disappointed.

"Well, the song was a good idea," she says.

"Yeah… too bad I'm not doing it," I say as I start walking away.

"Wait,… His name is Sam," she says and I stop. "That's the name of the guy Kurt likes."

"What does he look like?" I ask annoyed by the fact that Kurt is interested in someone else.

"He is attractive, tall, blond with green eyes and very athletic," she says, "And if you don't do something soon, he is going to be your worst nightmare."

"So what you're suggesting is that I tell him how I feel, when I can barely talk to him properly about normal stuff," I say sarcastically.

"That's why you should sing to him," she says with her usual, cheerful, smile. "I mean don't you always say that you are much better at expressing your feelings through songs!"

"Brittany that's, actually, a good idea," I say a little bit surprise coming from Brittany, "Brittany I think people underestimate you at times."

"It's because I'm a Virgo," she says shrugging.

"Right…," I say with a confuse expression. "Anyways, what song do you think I should sing to him?"

"I don't know, just make sure that your point gets across and it's clear how you feel," she says.

"Okay, I think I know what song I'm going to sing," I say, "But what if he doesn't like it? Or if he doesn't like me?"

"I am sure he will love it, no matter what!" she says, "You guys are perfect for each other, like peanut butter and jelly."

"Thanks… I think," I say laughing, "Brittany you're awesome, please don't ever change."

"Aw thank you," she says then she looks at the time in her watch, "Oh! Look at the time I have to go, Santana is waiting for me in the car."

"Alright, thanks for the advise, see you tomorrow," I say as I watch her go out the door.

There is almost no one in the bus that I get on, except for some people all the way in the back, but I prefer to sit in the front where there is more space. As am sitting in the bus I can't stop thinking about what Brittany just said to me. I wonder if it's that obvious that I like Kurt. And how did Brittany of all people figure it out? Well, at least I got to tell someone about my feelings; it feels like such a relief. But now, I'm doubting whether I should actually go through with the plan. I mean what if he doesn't like me? And what happens then, not only do I lose any hope that I have, but I also lose him. I just don't want to lose Kurt, I would rather stay his friend forever than for him to hate me.

Ugh, this would be so much easier if I had more experience, but, unfortunately, this is the first time that I felt like this.

As I look through the window, I see Kurt waiting at the bus stop in front of a school. I stare with a smile on my face as he gets on the bus. Why do I always get like this when I see him? I have to be less obvious! Kurt sees me and waves as he sits next to me, "Blaine I didn't expect to see you here!"

"Oh, hi Kurt," I say pretending as if I hadn't notice him coming. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see the volleyball team from school play here," he says, "But my dad asked me to get home early, so I had to leave."

"I didn't know that you liked volleyball," I say, surprise.

"What's not to like about tall, athletic, guys in shorts sticking their butts out!" he says jokingly.

"Right…," I say and I suddenly remember the Sam guy that Brittany was talking about, which makes me, extremely, jealous. And of course I don't expect Kurt to know how that makes me feel.

"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't talk about that with you," he says and then I remember that he thinks I'm straight.

"No, it's alright. I don't mind," I say, "We are friends you can tell me anything, I mean, it would be just like me talking about girls."

"Oh, alright," he says with a smile, "I'll keep that in mind."

Why am I lying to him? I'm just making it worst? Besides it's not like it matters whether am gay or straight. I'm sure that wouldn't change anything between us.

"By the way, I like your pink bowtie," he says breaking the silence after a couple of minutes.

"Thanks, I like everything you wear," I say. God did I just said that. I sounded like such a creep. "I mean I like how it looks on you… Wait no, that's not what I meant. Not that it doesn't look good on you or anything is just tha-."

"Blaine, it's okay. I understand what you're trying to say," he reassures. And now I feel like a complete loser. "Ah…," Kurt yawns and I notice that he has bags under his eyes, "I'm sorry, I'm just really tired from school work and from practicing all those dance moves for glee club today."

"That's alright, it was quite a workout. Did you like the songs we chose for sectionals?" I ask, but I don't get a response back from Kurt.

Suddenly, I feel Kurt's head on my shoulder, and notice that he has fallen asleep. I start blushing, immediately, and I feel a warm wave of joy spreading through my whole body. This feels really nice. I look at the reflection on the window and I see myself next to Kurt, while he rests. It looks so natural, Kurt and I, almost like if he belongs there, next to me.

I feel the desire to put my arms around him, but I don't want to ruin this moment by waking him up. I wish I could live this moment forever. If only I could gather the courage to tell him how I feel. Maybe I should listen to Brittany's advice and just tell him already, I mean it's been more than a year now. Besides, it's not fair for me, or for Kurt, that am lying about my true feelings and who I am.

If I don't tell him soon, I know I'll just regret it later on, but for now this is all I can ask for, but that doesn't mean that I won't tell him though because I want this really bad, I want him.

"After all, you are my first love," I whisper in his ear knowing that he can't hear me.


***Please review, thank you (: ***

Hope you liked it,

-EmeraldCrush.